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It's bloody hard isn't it?!

(15 Posts)
HettySunshine Tue 03-Oct-17 11:42:24

I have DD1 who’s just turned 4 and 18 month old DD/DS twins who were a complete surprise, there’s no twins on either side.

Parenting them is just so hard. I’m so tired all the time DD2 is still bf so wakes a lot in the night. DS had a tricky start and we nearly lost him in the first few days. He’s fine now but is also a bad sleeper and cries a lot in the night so needs lots of cuddles.

During the day they are just non-stop, climbing on the sofas again and again and again and standing on the backs, getting remotes and phones no matter how well hidden, taking toys from one another or DD1 and occasionally biting each other. My big girl is so brilliant and does everything she can to help but she’s only little herself and she gets bored. She can’t play with a lot of her toys downstairs because they’re not suitable around the babies so she ends up trying to play with the baby toys. We just watch so much tv!

I don’t drive so it’s not terribly easy to get out on my solo mummy days (twice a week) and even if we do go anywhere it’s virtually impossible to go to groups or the park as they all go in different directions and I end up panicking.

When my dh around and not exhausted (he works long hours and tries to do most of ds’s wake ups so I get some sleep) we do have a nice time and get out and about but I’ve started to dread my solo days and I don’t want to. I know these days are precious etc. etc.

How does everyone else keep their littleys entertained when it’s three (or more!) to one? Any advice gratefully received!!

neversleepagain Tue 03-Oct-17 19:01:05

It is hard! You are not alone in feeling like this.

I was thinking in the shower this evening how much nicer it is now that our twins have started school. They have changed so much in a few short weeks and the first 5 crazy years seem a distant memory now.

Toddler groups saved us! We went to one every single day (some days twice a day) without fail from when my twins could walk until they started school. If you can get to your local ones I really would go. I used to knacker mine out so they had a long afternoon nap and passed out by 7pm.

Just hang in there, they will soon be at school and life will be easier for everyone.

OuchLegoHurts Tue 03-Oct-17 19:05:16

Oh yes it is super hard! But as others have said it really really does get easier! Once mine hit 4 things got just amazing...they're so good now, ten years old and those days seem such a distant memory. I watch old videos of them and wish I could go back, thanks for reminding me of the reality! wink

Twiceover Tue 03-Oct-17 19:16:36

It is bloody hard! I think you're at the most difficult stage in terms of getting out and doing stuff. Friendly toddler groups which are contained are a godsend.

Hang in there, it gradually gets easier. DTs are 8 now and no trouble at all...mostly!

Cadenza1818 Thu 05-Oct-17 12:47:02

You've just described my house 7years ago. Try to roll with the mess, the craziness. Etc. They're now 8, I have a tidy living room without any toys... And sometimes I miss it. Daily walks were my way to cope and I had no car either. Just welly boot stomps, little trips to park etc. Accepting that sometimes a walk around the estate was all I'd have (tool about hour to do a 5min walk!). We used to make assault courses out of sofa cushions on rainy days, did a lot of painting, playdoh etc. Um... Trying to think of other stuff! You forget really quickly! Good luck op. It's crazy now but the payoff is later I promise!

BrassicaBabe Thu 05-Oct-17 12:59:36

Bless you. It is so hard. I can barely remember the first year with our DTs. I do remember regularly lying flat on my back on the kitchen floor while DTs pulled the same pack of disposable cutlery from cupboards.

Hang in there. It gets a little easier with every passing month.

HulaHoop12 Thu 05-Oct-17 14:07:14

It's so hard and I'm not even at the hard bit yet! Mine are 4.5 months. Also a non driver. Will watch this thread for ideas! X

HulaHoop12 Thu 05-Oct-17 14:10:00

I also have an older daughter - she's 3

Jumperooh Thu 05-Oct-17 21:39:47

My DTs are similar age to yours, even without one more to think about I find it hard work to keep them entertained.

I do second the idea of assault courses with cushions, cardboard boxes etc. That's always a winner here.

Do you know this site? It has lots of great play ideas. Some of the simplest ones we have tried are; oranges+muffin tins, treasure boxes with various themes (e.g. blue, shiny, natural), nursery rhyme box with eg. a star to represent 'Twinkle, Twinkle' and they pick one out for us to sing. As much as anything that site gets me enthused about doing things with them and that's half the battle.

AriannaBlack Fri 06-Oct-17 14:16:28

Hey just wanted to say I’m currently
pregnant with ID twin girls and already have a little boy (2 in February)
All I ever hear from people are comments from people of “how are you going to cope?” “You’re going to have your hands
Full” etc etc
We don’t currently drive and don’t have support from freinds and family so it’s a massive worry but I’m trying to stay positive and see how I get along...
Any tips would also be appreciated

DorothyHarris Fri 06-Oct-17 22:59:48

We're in the same boat OP 3.7 DC and 18m DTs. I'm knackered. No words of advice just offering a bit of empathy. Keep hoping it's going to get easier. So far it's just as hard but in different ways.

TitusAndromedon Fri 06-Oct-17 23:16:34

I don’t have an older child, but my twin boys are nearly two. I’ve found the last few months so difficult because they are really testing boundaries. I try to get out as much as possible, particularly to playgroups. Recently I’ve also tried to take some risks with our activities, so I’ve made the play doh, which I wouldn’t do before because I was afraid they would eat it, and we’ve done some baking, which I had avoided due to the mess. Both activities went down so well and they were really engaged and actually better behaved than usual. I’m sort of finding that some activities take a little extra effort in advance, but it’s worth it because the pay off is happy kids, which makes life easier for me. You just have to find that motivation to try something different, which I know can be so hard when you’re tired and it’s all feeling so demanding. I think sometimes you just have to get your head down and power through the tough times, because there will be easier times on the horizon. A week ago I was absolutely at my wit’s end and worried about how I was going to get through another day without walking out the door, but today I’ve really enjoyed my boys and it hasn’t seemed nearly as difficult. Hang in there.

HulaHoop12 Fri 06-Oct-17 23:28:03

Ooh Jumperoo that's a great site, thank you!
Arianna you'll be fine 💐 it is lovely and exciting having twins, I'm only 4.5 months in and it is a mad house but i love it. I have not once called my husband crying which is more than I can say for when my first was tiny! My older girl now plays with the babies and makes them smile which is beyond heartwarming. PM me if you need any advice, I'm a total novice but happy to help if I can! X

SleightOfMind Fri 06-Oct-17 23:41:12

Aw I remember this, toddler groups (scope them out to find out which have the most helpful volunteers) and definitely walks in the park etc. Try and find a fairly self contained one so they can wander off a bit and you can see them.
I used to factor in something to get them tired in the morning, they'd nap and I'd do more grown up stuff with DD (helping me with food prep for supper blush) then, by the time they were up and about we'd take the dogs out and get back in time for DS1 to get home from school.
I know it feels tough but the more you get out and about with them, the quicker they'll learn how to behave and the more confident you'll feel.
Don't be scared of them running off in parks, they'll very quickly learn not to do it if you don't chase them and it really does chill them out for when you're home.
It gets so much easier very quickly and you're nearly there now.
When mine were 2, they were so much easier than a singleton because they played together.

RubySlippers77 Tue 10-Oct-17 23:02:48

Hetty, I have no great words of wisdom to add but yes, it is bloody hard!! I wrote on another thread about how I feel ungrateful for not enjoying my now 2 year old DTs but seriously, they are just so flipping tiring. Like yours, mine don't usually sleep through and two years of broken nights has taken its toll, not to mention the had work during the days!

The only thing which helps me is to get outside regularly with them - not necessarily to playgroups, just to local parks - and get them properly tired out during the day so they do at least go to bed without too much hassle. Today we couldn't do much in the morning, they wouldn't nap together (I hate that as it means I get no break at all) and DS2 was just a horrible child, constantly biting and scratching at DS1. I was SO pleased at bedtime to be getting rid of them for a few hours!!

You don't mention any family nearby but is there anyone that could take one or both of them occasionally to give you a break? I have in laws nearby but they aren't in the best of health themselves and can only have mine for a few hours max. Or could your health visitor suggest any local services to help? I registered with Home Start but apparently my local centre is very busy sad

A twin trike has also helped in getting mine out and about - they were starting to rebel against the buggy but love the trike - it's a bit cumbersome but great for taking them to the park in with snacks, drinks, football etc. Without getting outside for at least two hours a day mine are non stop too, if it's any consolation - we have to go out by at least 10am or they scratch and bite and snap at each other constantly.

Mine are starting preschool in November for a morning a week and I'm really hoping that helps!!

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