Everyone I know with older twins says how much fun they are, how it's easier than having separate DCs etc. Mine are 20 months now and still so much flipping hard work!!
I have good days and bad days but today was a bad day, DS1 would not nap despite being absolutely shattered, I ended up screaming at him 
- I was right at the end of my tether, I'd driven him, walked him and driven him again and he still wouldn't nap. He'd been a whiny, whingey, tired little horror for hours and I was SO fed up; just needed half an hour without them both to recover and regain my patience for the rest of the day.
DS1 is about 80% of the hard work and I find myself resenting him, DS2 is much easier - eats better, sleeps better etc - DS1 has started scratching other children so I feel like we can't go to groups now. To be fair he started it in self defence as DS2 was a biter, but DS2 never bit other children, and DS1 scratches now when he feels threatened.
It doesn't help that I have no family nearby and the in laws are a bit too elderly to look after them for long - an afternoon is about the limit - I don't work (we can't afford the childcare) so I very rarely get a break from them. I love them dearly but had a hideous, traumatic birth and OH being an arse for months, and feel like everything would be much easier if we had only one baby.
They were IVF twins and very much wanted which makes me feel even more ungrateful for feeling like this, but I am very, very tired and can't see any light at the end of the tunnel at the moment!
Can anyone give me an idea of when I might actually enjoy a day with them instead of just feeling like I'm surviving through it?!
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When does having twins become fun?!
RubySlippers77 · 29/06/2017 22:29
Having twins has changed our lives dramatically, it is hard work and you're not alone in feeling like this.
It doesn't suddenly become fun, but if you look carefully you will find days/moments that are fun. Every stage is hard but every stage has lovely parts to it that you will look back at and remember fondly eventually
My girls will be 5 soon and for me, age 3 was the most challenging. They are mostly lovely now and we get 8/10 brilliant days with them. We hang out and they're my little buddies. Yesterday we went to the cinema and for lunch and it really was fun, we all had a lovely time.
We won't have any more dc, our experience of newborns and babyhood really has put us off. Like you, we have no help, dh and I have had 4 nights out alone in almost 5 years. It's been hard going. If we'd had one baby at a time I really think our lives would have been different, more managable.
Look for the happy moments op 
Mine are 14 and are very difficult at times - not physically, more emotionally draining.
The early years were hard, no denying it. Relentless is how another twins mum described it to us when I was still pregnant, to try to prepare us, and she was right - there's just very little relief and rest from parenting twins at this age.
It gets better as they grow up and need you less physically. We used several stair gates around our house for their safety, is there any way you can safely separate your boys from each other for 10 minutes to give yourself a rest?
Have you looked into getting some help from organisations like Homestart? Or maybe a local church group might have volunteers who can visit and give you hand? We have a nursery college nearby who sometimes have trainees needing childcare experience, who will come each week for a few months at a time.
And I too would encourage you to find a local twins group, it's very reassuring to whinge share with other parents of multiples 
Thank you everyone, it sounds like I have a couple of years to go (at least) before things get easier, better to be prepared now!! It doesn't/ didn't help that OH can be so unhelpful - he doesn't see looking after the DCs as 'work' when I do it, although strangely it is when he does.....! He very rarely spends any time with them just him and them and hence doesn't have much of an understanding of how challenging I find it day to day. Oh yes, and boring, and relentless!
Don't get me wrong, I do love them, but it would make life far more bearable if occasionally I could go out in the evenings and have a meal with friends with no toddlers jumping up on me and whinging. I have been out to one evening event since they were born
We don't have a particularly local twins group unfortunately, I've joined the nearest ones on FB, but the twin mums I've met have all been through other groups. I've spoken to TAMBA a couple of times just for a listening ear when DS1 was really getting me down, that was helpful. I took him to soft play today and he pulled the hair of two little girls for no reason - really annoying - I was straight over to tell him off and apologise but I feel like I can't take my eyes off him for a second, and poor DS2 (who doesn't really go near other kids) gets no attention.
Oh and because they don't talk yet, all I have to listen to all day is them shrieking, howling, squealing, whinging etc - grrrrr!!
Thanks again everyone, it was helpful to get some replies
oh ruby i'll be the first to admit I've been told mine are easy. As I said I have two older dd's so the dt's thinking they can rip the piss, eh no, mum knows that game!
Where about are you ruby? Our twin group leader knows bloody everything and anything, shes bound to know someone local!
Honestly I've been out a handful of times for weddings, first one 3 weeks pp 
always coming home to them. Only once in my almost 3 years(oct) have I really lost the rag and fucked off shopping for the day.... bought the kids clothes
Whereas people say to me (pityingly) "I don't know how you cope with two" - mainly smug yummy mummies with their one PFB mind!! One actually said to me "Oh I couldn't be doing with twins" - well what would you have done if you'd had them?! 
I'm in Herts but not near any of the big twins groups - there used to be one in my area but it closed when mine were a couple of weeks old
Oh blimey, I have fantasies about going out for a whole day without them - but OH can't manage on his own and MIL & FIL can't cope for more than a few hours (fair enough, the boys are very lively!) so that treat will have to wait a while.....
Thank you so much for your encouraging words Fairy. Kept me going through a tough week last week where the boys both had a tummy bug - the washing machine was going non stop to cope with the pukey things! - and then a long weekend away at Peppa Pig World. It was supposed to be fun but 30 degree heat, thousands of screaming toddlers and then me coming down with the same thing does not make for a jolly time.....
I think (hope!) that the boys will be much easier to cope with by 4, as a lot of issues now seem to be caused by their lack of language - DS1 in particular is king of the screaming tizzy we still only have the occasional word here or there, but speaking to my friends with twins that seems to be usual, and they do understand a lot more than they can say. Nursery would probably have helped but we just can't afford it, it's cheaper for me to not work and look after them whatever the cost to my sanity
Anyway, they at least seem tired/ chilled out this morning, we're having a quiet time watching TV at the moment - thank heavens for Cbeebies!!
We moved on from vomiting babies to pooey babies DS1 is mostly recovered now but DS2 is still having explosive nappies, need to take him to the GP soon just to check he's not picked up anything nasty..... he seems bright enough apart from that but his poor little bottom is getting very sore despite my best efforts. It's been a loooong week trying to get him to eat and drink plenty whilst coping with lots of poo and a lively DS1 
Thank you for the tip Fairy, I'll remember it for next time, there will definitely be a next time!! DS1 sounds similar to your more 'difficult' twin, he's very boisterous and doesn't pick up sounds as easily as DS2 (probably because he doesn't often sit still long enough to listen!). OH finds him tricky to deal with for that reason, you have to watch him like a hawk as otherwise he's off, chuckling to himself - and he's too little to understand not to do that because it worries us half to death.
Everyone who commented on here about me appreciating time without DCs was completely right though; OH took them to his mum's for a couple of hours this afternoon whilst I had lunch with a friend, it was bliss!! I talked to her without having to manage babies who just wanted to run round and throw food everywhere!!! (I think I am slightly too excited about this!)
OH did suggest putting them in nursery a day a week - this was prompted by him spending a few days with them at Peppa Pig World and finally realising how full on they are! - but I don't think we can justify the cost when they'll be going to preschool in November and we'll be paying for that too. However, I will look into putting them in a half day (if nurseries do that?) and into Homestart as well - my health visitor did refer me when they were born but I never heard anything!
We're still quarantined at the moment as I don't want any other DCs to pick up this tummy bug, but it's maybe for the best as I've been really tired too. I find playgroups a bit stressful with DS1 scratching other kids - not all the time but often enough to make me paranoid - hopefully after the summer hols he'll have stopped that.....
Thank you to everyone for the kind words and suggestions. Apologies if I'm not making much sense but it's been a hard week! xx
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Ah yes user, we were TTC for quite a while before having twins from our first round of IVF - be careful what you wish for, eh?!
I'll definitely look into the nursery but from my previous searches, the local ones wanted at least 2 days per week - that was a year ago though when I was planning to return to work, things may have changed.
Unfortunately having twins doesn't qualify you for any free hours ineedaholidaynow, you only get what everyone else gets we will get our free hours from January 2019.
Found out today that OH is on nights for the next three weeks - 3pm - 3am six days per week - aarrggghhhh! DS1 has been an utter little shit all day and DS2 then threw tantrums because I wasn't paying him enough attention. My friend was telling me that her ex mother in law was driven right to the edge by having twins, her MIL remembered it vividly despite her twin boys being over 50 by that time! I can really sympathise, I'm not enjoying this at all at the moment, feels more like just enduring things rather than actually appreciating being a mum...
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That would be amazing Fairy - just to talk to people on here is great
I still haven't been able to take the DCs back to playgroups etc as DS2's tummy still isn't right ; we're having up to 6 runny nappies per day. I left him with MIL and FIL for a few hours this afternoon and when I got back he had such bad nappy rash that he was sobbing, poor little boy. I'd done really well managing it so far, he was fine when I left him, I can only think that he did another big poo and they didn't realise for a while. Oh the joys of dealing with one sad little boy whilst trying to look after one who is still happy and bouncy.....!
I'll try some more groups when they're better (and I'm feeling braver!) though, thank you for the advice. DS1 did get pushed off a trampoline at one by a bigger boy whose mum didn't even notice, but that was overshadowed by him scratching a little girl across the face, I haven't dared go back since.....
We have a small garden which they like playing in, I actually need to buy some bits from Ikea so will have a look at their children's toys too. I hate going though so am trying to justify their £30 delivery charge to myself!
Ok, so I offered help and then disappeared. Sorry. Work has been insane, and the school holidays mean that I'm working 2 days a week instead of 3.5, but somehow have exactly the same amount of work which means 12 hour days
So, you have outside space which is great. Somewhere to do messy stuff. Could you get a big tray of some kind to do water play? Like a big washing up bowl? If so, then also get some value shaving foam and a big pot of glitter. You can have a day of playing with yoghurt pots and water. Make it a hot day and it doesn't matter if they get soaking.
On a less hot day, put some plastic toys in the bottom of the tray, and then cover with shaving foam and glitter and get them to hunt for the toys. If you use plastic animals you can make the game last longer by doing the animal noises and sing some songs like Old Macdonald. Since it is outside you can just hose it away afterwards. If either of them have sensitive skin/eczema it might be better to do this with sand although sand is a pain to get off them, and also if they start throwing it
Will think of some other stuff when brain is working better...
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