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When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

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When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

Multiple births

Sons partner having twins im worried?

29 replies

caz1967 · 04/05/2017 10:59

My Son who is 26 has a fiancé who found out around Christmas she was pregnant, whilst they were in the process of considering splitting up, they had gone through a lot of issues. She has a little girl 4 yrs old and my son adores her, but mum lets her do whatever, he tries to show her she cannot do and say whatever and mum would be appreciative one day and accuse him of interfering the next, she was paranoid he was cheating every time he left the house, even at work He would never ever do this, it turned out she was going through a mental crisis and was given medication , she would not take daily my son went through hell with her, But given the situation of her being Pregnant,they sat down and agreed they both still cared and would try to salvage the relationship. I believe they set some guidelines which has been going ok , she is presently 24weeks + 3 days pregnant, they were told at 12 weeks that it was twins, which is a wonderful thing. But I worry a lot about some of her ideas and ways. . Which I find cause for concern, they have chosen a pushchair system which can take a baby seat, no carrycot / pram just pushchair which babies cannot go in till 4 months old minimum, ive tried saying the babies will not be of the weight her first was and are likely to be 4lbs or smaller when born and cannot be always taken out in car seats. Am I being old fashioned? She had a lot of sickness which went throughout the day, she was hospitalised due to this, but she still does not eat a healthy balanced 3 meals a day, she always seems to pick through the day and mainly has takeaway of an evening as she cannot be bothered to cook, does not have much energy, ive offered to cook things and they can have them but she does not want my help. How will the babies thrive? The house is always a mess, my son is doing everything to help her and cleans the house after work as much as he can, she has issues I think shes a hoarder, She seems to struggle with her little girl, how will she cope mentally with 2 tiny babies , her mom does not do much to help , she will have the little girl once a week, she enjoys going out and it seems to come first .. How can I get my future daughter- in-law to accept help and advice on what to expect having 2 small babies, I had a prem baby at 34 weeks, I know what a shock it will be, but she does not want any advice. I feel very shut out of her Pregnancy, I asked to go to a scan but was told no. How can I get through to her that she's going to need everyone's help.
I was a lot more mature and organised, but I still needed lots of help, im very concerned they will not beable to cope with 2 hourly feeding whilst my son also having to go to work, I know my Sons employer will not give him paid time off, hes a small business and tight. How her mental health is likely to be..They presently live in a very small 2 bed, there own bedroom is so small they cannot shut the door as it knocks the side bottom of there bed, so no room for 2 babies Moses baskets...they have found a larger 3 bed but cannot be in until November when the owner will vacate it to live in India. Any ideas or guidance would be very appreciated.

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BillyButtfuck · 04/05/2017 11:24

I'm 23 and have 13 month old twin boys.
I would really want you to back off if I were her, you're coming across more judgemental than helpful. This is probably going to come across as quite blunt but I honestly think you need to back off. This is based on my own experience and whilst I appreciate everyone's different, I'd really need breathing room in this situation.

You've said her mum doesn't help but also that she has her daughter once a week, that's a lot more than some people help.

I never wanted to eat 3 meals a day I couldn't stomach it, as like her, I was very sick so little and often 'picking' throughout the day suited me. I was very limited on the foods I could eat again because of the sickness so didn't eat the healthiest options but I did take vitamins to help get a balance.

Your post also says she is likely to have babies 4lbs or smaller, that's not always the case with twins, it depends on a lot but the majority of babies at my district twin club were born after 37 weeks and were very good weights. Mine were 36+6 and over 5lbs. Everyone is different and the risk of preterm labour and birth is obviously higher but not a sure thing. You also make assumptions about 2 hourly feeding, that's not a certainty, neither of mine needed feeding that regularly. It might be the case, but it's also likely not to be and not something you need to be stressing her about at this stage.

The babies will be able to go in a car seat, they might need a prem or tiny baby insert for it but that's not an issue nor is the pushchair.

I had 0 energy from about 10 weeks so again, that's perfectly normal and I'm sure she doesn't want you popping in and cooking. I just wanted to be left alone and certainly wouldn't want my MiL sticking her beak in, I especially wouldn't want her at a scan, that's a really special and personal thing and unless you're invited you should accept that's an intimate thing for the parents.

Stop trying to smother her, she's not your daughter and it's not your pregnancy. You're going to push them further away by interfering so much. You're making a mountain of a mole hill on a lot of the issues you've raised and you really should take a step back and let them be the parents and make the decisions now, you've had your turn. If you're concerned about things like cleaning by all means offer once to help out and if they say no thank you - drop it!