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Positive and negative experiences you have had with the general public due to having twins.

(22 Posts)
Kemet Sat 15-Oct-16 20:36:58

Hi, I have 15 month old twin girls and was wondering what memorable interactions other twin mums have had with the general public. This can be good or bad.

Everyday I go out with the girls I have some kind of interaction with strangers due to my daughters being twins.

I don't know if other twin mums get that intuition feeling of when you know someone is going to stop and talk to you because you have twins. Delightful facial expressions or gasps of "oh my gosh twins" are the usual signs.

The most recent memorable experience I had was that I was pushing the girls in their pushchair and a woman was walking towards me. From her body language and face expression I knew she was going to stop and mention the girls. Stop me she did, she literally jumped in front of me
and blocked me from moving forward and talked about how I'm so lucky to have twins, it's a blessing and so on. I thought nothing of it because this `has been what I have had to adjust to since having twins (strangers coming up to me and commenting on having twins). She then proceeded to take out her purse and literally shoved £50 in my hands and left as quickly as she appeared.

I was in shock at first and then thought to myself since I've had twins (I also have 2 older DC), I have experienced genuine happiness and friendly interactions from strangers that I never had on the same scale as with my singletons.

I'm not a person who likes bringing attention to myself, I'm more of an observer, but since having twins your automatically the center of attention.

It would be interesting to hear other peoples experiences with strangers due to having twins.

neversleepagain Sat 15-Oct-16 23:27:06

It used to happen all the time when my girls were little. People would stop and coo and ask questions.

They are 4 now and we only occasionally get asked if they're twins. I dress them differently plus they look so different, which helps.

We've had a lovely old man give them a pound each in Waitrose.
A Nigerian female pharmacist ask to hug me as apparently women who have twins in Nigeria are good luck.
People literally point and loudly remark "look twins!"
Some rude comments too like the twat in Ikea who sarcastically remarked that it would have been easier for us to get a puppy!

It is odd how you become like a celebrity when you have little twins but it becomes less frequent when they are no longer in a buggy. This is a big reason i dress mine differently, you can escape the questions.

NotPayingAttention Sat 15-Oct-16 23:29:24

Wow I wish I could get £50 for every person that stopped me and commented on the twins! I'd be booking my next holiday right now grin. Not had any ridiculous experiences so far, most people are lovely and interested, and it's actually nice to chat with people about them, however I'm on mat leave at the moment and have a lot of time on my hands, I guess it will become more of an irritation once I'm back at work and rushing everywhere! A woman in another local multiples group I'm in said somebody told her they'd rather have died than had twins. She retorted 'go right ahead'! I doubt I'd be that quick thinking, i would love to have seen her face. I guess some people can be thoughtless, I just think they're ignorant and it's their loss.

HamNJam Sat 15-Oct-16 23:38:29

Oh yes, I've had people stop and block the pushchair just so they can ask "are they twins? Got your hands full, eh? Double trouble... which one is the naughty one? Which is the clever one?" Etc...

The nicest thing was a woman stopping us, asking if they were twins and then telling us she had twins herself, that it is hard work but it is definitely worth it, especially as they get older. (I'm waiting for it to get easier still...) It felt as though she was trying to give us a glimmer of hope grin

And you're right, you kind of become a local celeb when you twins, but I'm really uncomfortable with the attention.

idontlikealdi Sat 15-Oct-16 23:46:09

We had everything from 'double trouble', 'got your hands full' off or natural' 'how big were they' to 'are they twins'.

Used to do my head.

Mine are 5 now and they actually comment when they don't get commented on. They are very very identical. Different clothes but identical.

It's been an interesting ride, I think people in general are fascinated by twins so they say whatever comes into their heads, sensical or not. Mine now trot out the lines of 'I'm eldest, she's biggger, my hairs curlier' etc.

DorothyHarris Mon 17-Oct-16 20:47:53

I actually can't bear people who look and you, visibly recoil and say ooo I bet you've got your hands full.
I really don't mind nice comments and will chat about them but cannot stand the negativity you get from people.

allegretto Mon 17-Oct-16 20:50:41

One woman actually stopped me and told me I had too many children (3) and then chased me down the street shaking her walking stick at me!

Mermaid36 Mon 17-Oct-16 20:51:28

We get stopped a lot, but my girls are really teeny due to being very prem.

The weirdest one was a woman who asked why we'd chosen to have twins? She couldn't get her head round the fact that we hadn't had IVF and they were spontaneous identical twins.

I do joke about getting a leaflet printed to stop people asking the same questions all the time!

SerialBodenReturner Mon 17-Oct-16 20:56:53

A woman I had never met before asked me in the middle of Waitrose if they were IVF. shock

But on the whole the comments I've had have been a lot more positive than negative. And now they're eight and look quite different to each other I don't get nearly so much attention.

I do always try to tell other parents with young twins that it gets easier. You can definitely spot the ones (like I was, I suspect) who look like slightly shell-shocked zombies.

mellysam Tue 18-Oct-16 23:10:48

We have boy/girl twins, 7 weeks today and we get lots of attention but its early days so we are enjoying it still
What makes us laugh every time though is when they coo over them, ask what sex they are, we say one boy one girl, and very often the next question is "are they identical?" hmm
No. One has a penis, the other does not. grin

SnowInLove Wed 19-Oct-16 20:40:54

The most baffling comment we had was from a community midwife who asked if they were identical. They're b/g hmm.

The comment that made me most angry was when we were in ikea when they were a few weeks old. I spotted a lady making a beeline for us so I braced myself for the usual questions. Instead, she said "Twins! Oh you poor things, such hard work" while putting her hands to her face in horror 😡.

In general though, people are just curious. I sometimes felt very self conscious as I don't like attention, sometimes it was annoying if I was in a hurry but often it made me smile if I was having a tough day.

Mine are 4 now and don't even look the same age anymore due to dts being very tall. I often feel the need to point out that they're twins and most people are very surprised 😃.

Ponyboycurtis Wed 19-Oct-16 20:50:58

Our ID twins are 7 now and the comments have started to come from young girls 'oh look, so cute etc etc', I ignore but to be honest I always have, my mum on the other hand used to lap up all the attention, much to my annoyance.

For me I have always bristled at 'double trouble' and replied with 'nope, twice the fun's. Years ago one of my then 4yrbold girls came out with 'its hard work having twins isn't it mummy?', I asked her what she meant and she explained 'thats what people always say to you', so I asked her what does Mummy say etc, anyway it made me sad because for all the positive attention they had received, she had picked up on all the negative comment, despite never hearing them at home or from close family.

If I see a parent of newborn twins and it's appropriate to chat I always tell them it's brilliant and not to listen to anyone who says anything negative, it's hard enough becoming a parent for the first time without unhelpful advice/comments from strangers.

Ponyboycurtis Wed 19-Oct-16 20:51:46

Apologies for typos, trying to watch Takeoff and type.

Ponyboycurtis Wed 19-Oct-16 20:52:12

Bakeoff!!!!!!

andadietcoke Wed 19-Oct-16 20:59:32

I never get asked if they're twins any more as the height difference is more in line with a year or two age difference. S has always been bigger (7.13 compared to 5.5 at birth) but it's getting ridiculous.

The worst one I've had was 'you must have done something terrible in a previous life to deserve twins'. I was completely incapable of responding to that. And then cried. It was a man too which felt even more unusual.

I've had such lovely comments too though. When I was at my lowest ebb when they were tiny and a bloke in his 50s came over and told me how well I was doing - his daughter had just had a baby and so he realised how tough it was for one let alone two. He told me I deserved a medal. I cried at that too!

SnugglySnerd Thu 20-Oct-16 15:53:02

I am pregnant with twins and I'm already fed up of the questions, "that must have been a shock", "are there twins in your family?" Etc.
Now I find out the questioning could last several years! I'm getting family t shirts printed with all the answers on.

Bodeccia Thu 20-Oct-16 21:36:13

All of the above (apart from being given £50!)

I've also been asked if I'm a childminder on more than one occasion (DD1 is 4, DTs are 2). My husband who is a SAHD has never been asked this, and was quite shocked when I told him.

When I was pregnant, another twin mum said "it'll be the best thing that ever happens to you" which is what I really needed to hear smile

Didiplanthis Fri 21-Oct-16 19:49:38

When pregnant someone came up and said 'oh commiserations' ! Countless - ' did you want twins ' - I don't remember there being a tick box for options. All the double trouble rubbish, lots of questions about their conception - ivf/natural from strangers at the supermarket checkout. Lots of admiring and respect - which was nice. Once they got to toddlers upwards it was mostly horror at 2 small boys which I hate as they are good boys but pretty noticeable as however differently I dress them they are still very identical with glowing red/gold hair so everyone sees every time they are even a little bit naughty and 2 boys are louder than one whatever you do !!!

growapear Sat 22-Oct-16 13:30:18

We generally got gasps of delight and I thought it was wonderful how many people are (or at least appear to be) genuinely moved by twins. Hard work at first of course but I feel especially blessed to have them and part of a 'select' group all be it purely by luck. My girls are identical and as such they tend to have friends who are friends with both of them they go to play dates together or now they are a bit older their friends come around - but they are friends with both of them rather than one or the other, I'm not sure if this will change. I kind gave up trying to encourage to them to have individual hobbies which is a bit lame of me, but i think that they have a bond with each other that I will never understand, and if they want to do the same thing why fight it ?

viques Sat 22-Oct-16 13:39:09

A long time ago a friend of mine fostered babies, in dire overnight emergencies she even took on two at a time (mad !) one day she was out with her daughter and her baby, she could barely move along the street with people wanting to look at the triplets. She didn't have the heart to tell them there were six parents involved in the conception of the three babies.........

Heloise1982 Mon 31-Oct-16 13:45:10

Lady in a coffee shop once... Walked past and said 'I have twins... You're dressed and out before 10 am, you're doing brilliantly. It does get easier.' Unobtrusive, kind, and just a lovely thing to say really. Definitely want to be able to pass that comment on to another twin parent someday! (They're only 8 months still, so a long way to go til it gets any 'easier', I think!)

Tftpoo Mon 31-Oct-16 13:52:22

I have ID boys. Once told by a stranger "oooh, he's much better looking than his brother", whilst pointing at one of them. I replied that as they were identical twins they were in fact either equally good looking or equally ugly!

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