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When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

Multiple births

Biting and fighting

15 replies

TheEagle · 08/08/2016 10:11

Any tips for 15.5 month old twin boys who bite and fight over every single thing?

One is stronger than the other, and generally instigates the fight. The other fella (and my older son) are starting to be a bit afraid of him which makes me a bit sad.

They're both teething mad but the biting is truly the worst, particularly in the buggy.

Words of wisdom appreciated.

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Sarahmumto5 · 09/08/2016 00:34

Well I don't have twins but have 4 boys at 16 months apart. In my case the older one was always more dominant than the younger one and at similar ages biting and hitting him a lot, to which I was really confused as to why....seemed so mean at the time. So I empathise with you...especially in their pushchair as they were side by side one would always be going for the other..a quick swipe or chunk out of the others arm... but they grew out of it fairly quickly, a difficult age, learning to push boundaries and testing their inner alpha male!!!

HamNJam · 09/08/2016 00:44

My twins also went through a biting phase, I think the key is distraction, separation and their own toys (possibly duplicates so there's no reason to think the other kid has the better toy )

In the buggy, I would give them their own small toy and sometimes snacks to distract them - it mainly only happened when they were bored or teething and therefore needing something to chew on.

Repeat after me: it's only a phase

AnnaMarlowe · 09/08/2016 00:49

We had the biting thing at about this with out twins and it really distressed me. It is apparently very common with twins.

Imagine another person always being in your space, sharing your Mummy, sharing your toys and you can't even speak to express your annoyance.

Thankfully the only person either if my two ever bit was me or each other but it did upset me at the time.

I used to gently touch the biter's mouth say "no biting" very firmly and then give lots of attention to the bitten child. Which seemed to lessen the occurrence.

It only truly petered out as they started to speak which tied in with what my friends at our local Mutiples group also experienced.

I did occasionally pop one twin on the play own when I had to be out of the room though if they were having a really bad day.

I also remember having to put up with some seriously unhelpful judgements from other mothers about it "why do you let them do that?"

Both my twins were a bit of a whirl wind at 18 months (to say the least) particularly DS.

Being very firm and consistent has paid off though and they are both beautifully behaved at 8yo (which I would never have believed possible at 18 months).

They also get on extremely well and find it shocking that they used to bite each other.

Good luck

AnnaMarlowe · 09/08/2016 00:51

So many typos!! The most notable being "Pop one twin in the play pen"

TheEagle · 09/08/2016 08:16

Thank you for your replies!

Particularly interested to read yours, annamarlowe.

I definitely think that wanting to speak is a huge cause of the instigator's frustration.

He's technically the youngest because he was born 1 minute after his brother but he's about 1.5lbs heavier than him now and just wants to be The Boss of Everything.

Deep breaths, hopefully today will be better!

Why do they always want the exact same toy too! We have 2 identical Scuttlebugs and they still fight over 1

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Kmoggy · 09/08/2016 15:15

My twin boys are 12 months and one is constantly pulling the others hair and grabbing his face in frustration/sometime just for nothing because he came too close! I genuinely don't know if he knows what he is doing is naughty as he smiles when getting told off for it! I would love some technique of how to handle it as I don't think I do it very well.. I feel like I'm always raising my voice😢 Does discipline work at this age? Ie remove from room??

Cherylene · 09/08/2016 15:25

Yes I had this - did the separation/distraction thing. Best to get in as soon as it is about to happen, if possible.

It was the hair pulling in the push chair that got to me. I was getting close to tying their hands to the sides . The side-by-side push chair was best as at least it was a fair fight!

Like others said, it stopped when they got to talking.

AnnaMarlowe · 09/08/2016 19:31

Kmoggy it sounds like your boy is looking for attention. Rather than raising your voice, try a low stern voice and face and then walk away for a bit. They don't really understand but if you are consistent it will eventually take.

Eagle we used some baby signing which helped a bit too. If you can try to engineer some situations where each child has some one on one time with you. This is hard to do of you have an older child as well but even somethings like one child gardening with Mummy and the others going to the supermarket with Daddy can be useful to give everyone some distance.

TheEagle · 09/08/2016 20:11

We do a bit of baby signing but there's no sign for "I want what he has right now or I'll have to gnaw his hand off"

It's very hard to get one on one time with the twins, my older boy is just 2.10months so he needs a lot of time and attention too. We do try our best though and it is a bit easier now they are a bit older.

kmoggy, I try showing the twins what "gentle hands" are - I don't know if they even vaguely understand but it did work with my older son (he used to bite me a bit when he was teething).

I physically separate the twins from each other when they are fighting and try to distract them a bit.

Today they had a lovely, funny moment where they were passing cucumber sticks to each other and laughing a lot so that made any arguing a bit easier to take

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AnnaMarlowe · 09/08/2016 20:19

You have 15 month old twins and a 2y 10 months older sibling.

Goodness >>

It does get easier. I found 2 years was a big watershed and felt almost normal by 2.5 years.

In the long run it is lovely as they get older. Your three will be quite close in age so they're will always be someone to play with.

Hang on in there!

Kmoggy · 09/08/2016 20:32

Eagle: yeah I do try to separate, I normally remove the attacker from the room for 2 mins! However I'm due another Nxt week so getting up and down all the time is becoming a problem.. Lol I have a olayoen for the new baby, 🙊🙊 more for safety from the twins lol

TheEagle · 09/08/2016 20:42

Congrats kmoggy and best of luck for the new baba

It's so hard being pregnant when you're minding a toddler, never mind 2.

If it's any consolation my twins are so sweet with my 3 month old niece. They laugh and smile at her and no biting at all!

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TheEagle · 09/08/2016 20:45

Almost normal would be a great place to be annamarlowe

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AnnaMarlowe · 09/08/2016 20:50

Eagle

Kmoggy best wishes for number 3!

Kmoggy · 09/08/2016 20:54

Thank you! I'm looking forward to meeting my next little love! Although I just don't know how I can love anyone more than I already love my twinkles! 😍😍

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