Another baby after twins?(12 Posts)
So dh and I have been debating whether to have another baby. We have 16 month old twin boys and would both like another but have so many worries!
Hubby's mainly revolve around money - we'd need a bigger car, would eventually need a loft conversion, wouldn't be able to go on many holidays etc.
Mine are a bit different..
I worry whether a new baby would feel left out because my boys are so close and would obviously be likely to have similar interests. They also share a room and it's not big enough for 3 so baby would get the box room. Also is it fair on the boys? They've always had to share attention (and a room) would it be even harder with a third child to contend with?
Also if we did go for it what would be a good age gap? I find it difficult taking the boys out on my own at the moment (and I am on my won with them most of the time - dh works long hours and no family nearby) but we do go out nearly every day just not sure how I'd get around with 3. Triple buggy? Would they all run off in 3 different directions?
It took us 4 years and 6 rounds of Ivf to get our boys and we've said we wouldn't do Ivf again so there's a good chance we wouldn't be able to have any more anyway and if that were the case we would be very happy with our lot but should we try?
I do think that part of my reason, albeit a small part, is because I feel we kind of missed out on all the pregnancy and newborn experience because of problems related in the pregnancy and then the general craziness of newborn twins.
Can anyone give me some advice or thoughts please?
I feel very similar about lots of it. I feel sad sometimes that I didn't go to baby classes or have loads of friends with babies the same age that I met locally through those classes. I hated my maternity leave - other friends described it as a luxury!!!
However, I'm probably most worried about having another set of twins. Even with one we'd need a new car. Could probably cope with the house but would lose a spare room and would be 'busy'.
I think we'll probably wait and discuss it properly when the girls start school. Another compounding factor is that my home offices are Oxford and London and I live in Manchester. I need to be in one of the home offices for 40% of the week, and I wouldn't be able to do that with a one year old. We also have a lot of familial support which is another reason for waiting until they're at school.
We said no more in the haze after I had my twins, it was so intense. But ... I started getting really broody about when they turned 3. Like you say, felt sad to only do it once and that missed out a bit because of being so overwhelmed. We agonised over it for ages, mainly over whether we could cope if twins again (non-id so chances higher!). We decided yes but not till they start school this Sept. I'm now about 6 weeks pregnant so due end Oct. A bit in shock at how quickly we conceived and worried that means I was ovulating more than once again. Desperate to find out how many, even thinking of paying for an early private scan at 8 weeks. It's not that I'll be disappointed if twins again at all, just want to know what we've got ourselves into. At least we go into it prepared this time and if just one will be a doddle!
Wow congratulations iwantago. So exciting. I don't think getting pregnant quickly is necessarily a sign of ovulating more than once but I suppose it could be. I think I would probably pay for an early scan if it was me just so I had time to get my head around it if it was twins again.
Andadietcoke - you went back to work after mat leave? Good on you. We couldn't make it work financially unfortunately.
That is actually another concern. Whether or not I would be able to work again. I guess if the boys were at school or at least old enough to get the 30 hours free then I could afford nursery for the new baby...
Hi I read your post and then got to the ivf part. I was going with yes before that! That said it's your body - I'm not sure I could put myself through ivf a second time if I had twins first. That said I had twins first then another ds. They were 2yrs apart. It was crazy, it was fun and they all get on now extremely well. We have less and life is not so 'neat' as with 2 but I wouldn't change it. I totally understand your feelings on missing out the first time. I hate to say it but you won't get that back. Anyway whatever you do, good luck and enjoy your twins
I am 39 weeks pregnant with a singleton and have 2 year old twins. We had a lot of similar concerns to you - we had to get a new car, would we have enough money to afford sports clubs, music lessons, holidays etc when they're older, would the boys feel put out that they had to share our attention even more, baby has to have the box room etc but for us it was the right decision because we just didn't feel that our family was complete yet and there would always be a slight twinge of 'what if' if we didn't go for it and have a third. This is it though, once this one is here, we will be 'done'. I was worried about having twins again (although ours are ID so no greater chance that this pregnancy would have been twins than the last one) but I just felt that we would cope if we had to. It's a difficult decision but I think only you and your DP can know if it's right for you.
Similar situation here except twins are now 10 and Number 3 is now 6! Long story short, twins were very premature and then H was seriously ill and we were told we couldn’t try again (even if we wanted) until the twins were 2. Our twins are b/g but were incredibly close. With hindsight, lots of reasons for wanting another – wanted the “newborn put on your tummy” experience (instead of being whisked off to NICU), wanted the joy (without the fear), wanted to prove to myself I could go to term. And to complete the family (didn’t feel “done”). Took about 18 months to conceive, have a 4 yr age gap. I did cry with relief when we found out it was only 1, but only because I didn't want to go through the whole premature rollercoaster again.
We did need a bigger car, house is going to be extended, my career is unlikely to ever recover from 2 long maternity leave periods (14months then 12 months) and 8 years of 3 day weeks. We were broke for ages! And it is chaos. But Number 3 has added so much to the dynamic of our family, all 3 of them are incredibly close (when they stop squabbling) and although its hard, it just felt right as soon as she was here. Good luck with whatever you decide.
Thought I'd jump on this thread as we've got 4 year old twins and I'm now 10 weeks along with DC 3. I know exactly what you mean about worries about finances etc, but like you I'm also thinking about the different experience of having a singleton and how we'll manage that as a family whilst supporting DTs as well...
For us a big gap was important and I'm very relieved that DTs will be in school by the time this LO arrives, but I wondered if anyone has any tips for preparing twins for the arrival of a newborn?
I have twins and a baby
By B/G twins were 4 years 1 month old when DS2 arrived, and I can honestly say it has been brilliant. The older two accepted him with open arms (and hearts) and he has just slotted in to our lives. There have been looooong tired days of course, but I have found it an absolute joy to look after a single baby. I have the time and the brain space to really spend time with him, whereas I was always 'doing' with the first two.
Age gap wise, 4 years worked perfectly for us. I work full time, but took the full year maternity leave (which turned in to 15 months for various reasons) and so was at home for the twins last year before school. I really really enjoyed having those months of free days with my band of three under 5
My twins went to nursery for the funded 15 hours to give me some time with just the baby, and my husband took several weeks paternity leave to help with the practicalities of very early newborn days. These things really helped!
My b/g twins were 2.5 when baby number 3 arrived. The pregnancy was worse than the first 4 months. It has been wonderful. I do have the twins into nursery for 3 morning (now 4 mornings as they adore it and it's very gentle Montessori). They worship the baby and he basically just thinks he's 3 as well (he's now 9mo and cruising about). We are tired and it's chaos but I love it. The small age gap will be great in a few years and eg the twins are still happily into duplo and chunky toys so don't have to worry about a small baby wrecking things. They all bath together, baby is happy to watch them do their activities but by the time he is old enough to do proper classes they will be in school so hopefully he won't miss out on that front. We're lucky that my job has good mat leave/pay and we can afford a nanny and for me to work 4 days. But I am so glad we had another.
The twins required some fertility treatment and ds2 was conceived after one night of drunken 'fuck it, let's shag' so it can happen!
Tips for preparing the older ones for the baby .....
#Don't tell the children about the baby too early! 40 weeks is a long long time, and small children find it difficult to wait! We didn't mention it until one day my DD said my tummy was very fat. I asked "why do you think it might be fat?" And took the conversation from there, with them both in the room so they both a) heard at the same time and b) knew they'd heard at the same time.
#Refer to the baby as "our baby" at all times. It includes them.
#Talk to them about what life will be like with the baby here, but from their point of view. Ask them "what do you think it will be like walking in the woods [like this] but with our baby?" and then set reasonable expectations during a discussion about it.
#we bought wonderful short books called 'I'm a big sister' and 'I'm a big brother' (link here, I hope) and kept them for the first night all at home. We all got in the big bed for a snuggle, and we read the story together. We then read it at least once a day for a week or so, with some "find your special books" build up beforehand. Get a book each, even if you're going to have two big brother books the same! We have them as wrapped presents from mummy and daddy, given at bedtime on our first night all together.
#Don't change anything else at the same time. Don't move their bedroom/chuck them out of their cots/stop bottles/start or stop nursery or anything else at the same time. Do it all several weeks at least before the baby/babies are expected.
Our family has blossomed since DC3 was born
sandboy that's so helpful, thank you! I definitely won't be telling DTs about dc3 until they start to wonder or ask questions... They have attention spans of gnats!
I was thinking about some more general prep before they start to ask questions. Just things like talking about their friends with younger siblings etc, different sized families etc.
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