Talk to me about the positives of twins

[Chattycat78]

Hi guys,

So, I'm 10 plus weeks with DCDA twins. Had a scan today and two heartbeats, all looking good etc. SO I have to face the fact that it looks like this is happening! I'm sorry to say that I haven't been able to gety head around it- it's been such a shock- we also have an 11 month old who is likely to be about 17 months when the twins arrive so all ive been doing is worrying and panicking about how we will cope. The terrible and constant morning sickness has not helped my mood either.

So- I really need you all to tell me how, actually, this is brilliant and how lucky we will be, as I can't get past the 'hard work, will have no life' part. Help!

[Rach738]

I have a 2.5 year old and 4 month old twins and could have written your post when I was pregnant - I think I cried almost every day for weeks after we found out. I haven't got to the it's wonderful stage, but can honestly say it's no where near as bad as I thought it would be and I am starting to see light somewhere in the tunnel. They tend to be smaller and sleepier than single babies and it gives you some peace when they first arrive to get yourself together. And I think things will only get easier from here.

[Chattycat78]

Thank you so much for replying! I appreciate what you've said, and am glad you don't think I'm a terrible person for not being ecstatic at the moment! I am hoping the thought of it will be worse than the reality......!

[Tftpoo]

I have 2 year old twins and remember very well how excited everyone else was when I found out I was having twins. I was not happy about it at all for at least a month after the scan - felt like it was all very well everyone else thinking how great it was but they didn't have to look after twins. The first 6 months were hard, so full on that I have virtually no memories of that time but in a way it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. You do cope. It's a good idea to accept help when it's offered and not try to be super mum - equally, you have to cut yourself some slack. I think I would have been a proper PFB mum if I only had a singleton but with twins you have to let a lot of things go - pick your battles and focus on priorities (getting everyone fed was pretty much it to start with, getting dressed came much lower down the list for a few weeks/months). I don't know what it's like to have a toddler then twins but all I can say is that it can't have been that bad having twins as we're expecting our third in the spring when the twins will be 2yrs 2 months! Good luck with your pregnancy and give it time to sink in.

[ButtfaceMiscreant]

I have a 23mo and 2mo twins. I'm not going to lie, it is tough and hard work but we are lucky in that my toddler hasn't been jealous of her brothers, and helps to take care of them where she can (fetching nappies, gently bouncing their chairs, helping to do up poppers on their sleepsuits etc).

I am generally quite stubborn and don't ask for help much, and am managing to cope alright at the moment when I have all 3 on my own, which is twice a week as my DD goes to nursery 3 days a week. I don't recommend it particularly (I mostly get on with it as the help i am offered isn't the help I would need, rather the help others want to give such as holding the babies so I can do housework) but it is doable, you just have to be organised.

You will get the world and his wife telling you how they always wanted twins, and it is amazing, but you are allowed to be less than thrilled at the prospect while it sinks in. It doesn't make you a bad person or any less deserving! Good luck with the pregnancy; it will be fine and you will cope!

[Minibelle]

My twins are only 5 months old but I can say i absolutely love it. No doubt it's hard, we have no help and my husband works away for half the week so it's just me and them.

They are starting to notice each other now and watching them smile and hold hands is the cutest thing ever.

I would imagine it's much harder with a toddler too but you'll cope, I thought it would be much harder than it is.

[TheEagle]

Congratulations!

We discovered I had twins on board when my DS1 was 12 mo - he was 18.5mo when the twins arrived.

To be honest being heavily pregnant with twins and taking care of a busy toddler was harder than having newborn twins and a toddler.

Mine were born a bit early at 35+6 and slept A LOT during the day in the early weeks.

Lots of my friends and family used to say things like "oh God, how do you cope" but you just do! You've no choice! Line up some help with cooking etc in the early weeks and do whatever you can to make life easier for you.

I found 2 bouncy chairs a godsend - I could plonk twins in there after feeding and they would nap and I could take care of my older chap.

A good piece of advice I got here was to try to have a few little goals for your toddler to have achieved before the twins arrived. For me, it was encouraging DS1 to be able to feed himself.

Twins are almost 8mo now and I am emerging from the fog! They love interacting with each other and I find them fascinating to watch. My older boy has grown up so much and he is just a joy, full of chat and cuddles (even though he's also a little dictator by times!)

You'll do great and it's ok to be apprehensive of what's ahead. Nod and smile to the well wishers/naysayers and have a few close people in whom you can confide.

[robinofsherwood]

I only have my twins, but, while it's incredibly hard at times it really is worth it. Watching their relationship develop, from the way they snuggled towards each other in their hospital cot, to when they first started laughing together to now, at 18 months when they take each other presents or pull faces to make them laugh when they are upset (obviously they also fall out too). There is so much joy to balance the difficulties.

Being a twin mum is a bit like a secret club. My local twin group are fab, with passing on clothes and helping out new parents as well as just meeting up.

Everyone has lower expectations of you. I went round the supermarket with just one and I was shocked at the judgemental looks when he got a bit upset. Normally I get offers of help, smiles and told how fab I am.

[Peebles1]

My twin DSs are now 20 so I've been a long way with them!! They have an incredible relationship with each other. They are at separate Unis but are still each other's greatest support. It's a massive, massive plus in their lives and always has been. A ready made friend for life. As for the hard work parenting bit - we also have a DD who came along when they were 2 1/2 so the other way round to you, but still hard work. Things that helped me: agreeing to have a student nanny on placement from college once a week. I'm a private person, looking back I'm surprised I agreed, but it was a fabulous help. You're there the whole time so no need to worry. As time went on and I trusted them I could go for a nap while they watched them. Not sure if colleges offer this any more - it was my health visitor that suggested it. The other thing that helped was joining local toddler groups. Brilliant - I made friends I still have now. We were a big support to each other, and the DCs loved going so I could sit feeling exhausted but have some peace while they played. Again, I'm a private person so this took some effort and I hated it at first, but it was worth it. Accept all help! Good luck. They're a joy and everyone stops you in the street - you'll feel very special!

[pukkapine]

Congratulations! I know you don't feel it now... but you are on the brink of awesome...

I'm a bit further on than you... DT's are now 6 later this week, and I have an older DS. I found the pregnancy so incredibly tough that once they were here it was actually so much easier.

Everyone will think you're amazing just for existing and that's a huge boost. You can lower standards without accompanying guilt, because frankly, you're super human. Everyone is in awe of you just for the basics.

The biggest plus is their relationship. When you've had one already you think nothing can top those cute moments, but believe me, when they are done in pairs it is beyond worth it. Now they are older I'm so glad they have each other. They bicker occasionally but generally are 100% each others best friend. They've been capable of independent play from much younger and for much longer periods than my singleton every was because they have each other.

And what someone else said upthread about twins being sleepier proved true in our case... they were premie and slept 23 hours out of 24 to start with. they were on such a routine from hospital they just carried on. I kept thinking "when is this bubble going to burst?" and it didn't... by the time their sleeping requirements shrank they had started preschool so I still got a break...

The biggest difficulty I'm finding is the impishness now they are older... due to having a peer on exactly the same level there is quite a bit of naughtiness that goes a step further than a singleton ever would because they goad each other on... so we've had drawing on furniture age 5 for example... I also found it tricky when they were toddlers and I didn't have enough hands... DS always got the short straw then. But very early on I taught them the 'Stop Go' game with no second chances, so they were soon very ordered little ducklings following mum...

But it's brilliant overall. You will regularly feel superhuman just for surviving, and that's great. Also the dynamics of three are so incredibly rewarding, it's mad, it's full on, but you'll have a house filled with happy chaos and laughter. And you really do feel privileged and like you're part of this unique club who got something amazing...

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

I was the same. I sent DH back to work after a week as i wanted to get on!! Twins are different, you can pick them up with one hand and they cling on, dont throw themselves back. They cry one at a time as its pointless crying when the other one is, they learn to wait and take turns at weeks old, todler was a god send and helped and kept me sane! Some days when one cried shed do something silly to make them laugh and entertain them.with her dancing,
She would be quite when they were asleep ... i needed the peace .. and we`d sneek off to play playdoh in the kitchen.
It tireing, its hard work and you scrape through some days - other times id have a day off ... feed and cloth but no house work!! Loved those days.
Get a box - throw in dummies nappies spares and stick it in the car - so you are ready for a day out!!! Pick up and go! I would just sit in the var and decide where to go to get us all out in tje fresh air.
God luck. Mine are nearly 11 now and im in ore of how managed!!

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

DH said were lucky ... not mamy people get to experience twins` he was right .,, but dont tell him

[Chattycat78]

Thanks everyone. The comments really help. Keep them coming......

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

Oh my I was fucking terrified when I found out I was having twins. No family history, no IVF. I didn't think we'd cope, I panicked about money. I was horrified. Truly- horrified.

But even with two, this is so much easier than it was first time round.

My girls are now 8 weeks and I also have a 3 year old. So obviously they are my babies and I wouldn't change anything. I bonded with them n much more quickly than with dd. But there are some twin-specific positives so far:
They happily self settled in their cot from day 1. This might be because they have no choice as I can't just hold them both all the time so they are used to being put down. Or it might be because they share a cot so they give each other comfort.
I think the other big practical positive is that you automatically find ways to make your life easy. For me, that meant not breastfeeding (I did first time round but found it really hard). I have lowered my expectations about tidiness. Frankly if everyone makes it through the day, that is great! And there is a huge satisfaction in that.


But mostly, my god; it really is twice as many people to love.

Oh and after the birth, I got my own room in a hospital.
And also people with singletons will always feel bad complaining about how hard it is to you- everyone will think you're a fucking super hero for just getting through each day! In reality, I feel like a fraud accepting praise like that because it really isn't so hard. But I graciously accept it anyway. Yes. I am amazing. I am a super hero.

[tartiflette]

Completely echo everything pukka said (mine are similar age).

You will cope and there are so many positives. Congratulations!

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

One day i tried to rock DS to sleep as I never got the chance. He was having none of it!! Prefered to lie still and go to sleep.
They slept longer together. DD was good practice!!

[yoyobananas3]

Many congratulations on finding out you are having twins. I must admit to being utterly horrified finding out. We already had a dd aged 20 months, 2.4 when babies came along, boy and girl now 5 months. No doubt about it, it can be hard work but you really do just cope. Organisation is key and lower your expectations of yourself. I hi 5 myself every night. Definitely becomes easier as each month passes. All the best. X

[PeteAndManu]

Yep I have 6 yo twins and agree with pukka they reach a level of mischief that is awesome, infuriating and really, really funny. Bedtimes especially can be a bit hairy. I have. 9 yo as well and all together they are loud, really loud.

I found it hard at first (actually for quite a while) but it does get easier bit by bit. I found it worked best for us if they were in a routine together, I didn't have a rigid timetable e.g. at X it is when they eat, then nap etc but if one wakes, wake the other and feed them together etc. The days I found the hardest is when they were out of sync. Even when I had two babies in cots at the hospital it still didn't really sink in.

Congratulations

[mrscee]

Twins are just blooming brill, mine are nearly 6 and they are so sweet and funny most of the time. I have boy and girl twins, they get on so well and are inseparable. Don't get me wrong they have their moments but in general they are just the best. I can't imagine what having one child must be like as I don't know any different.

[Valentine2]

You will get two DCs in one pregnancy. I am kinda jealous

[Chattycat78]

Hi guys. I appreciate all the replies to this thread. However, as it turns out, I won't be sharing the amazing twins experience with you all after all. One of the babies was found to have fatal abnormalities at the 12 week scan, so we had to face the horrible decision to have a selective reduction to prioritise the healthy one and save the other from suffering (consultant was confident it wouldn't survive). However I felt compelled to update this thread as you were all so nice and came along with great opinions and help. X