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FIGHTING - 8 y.o. ID bovs. I really need to talk about it

(9 Posts)
ItIsHowItIsx Fri 09-Oct-15 10:46:16

It goes through phases but recently it has got so bad that I can't stand it any more. There is hitting, kicking, throwing things, breaking each others toys, screaming, shouting, crying, using things as weapons on each other, hair pulling, biting......tbh it frightens me sad. Their teacher at school thinks even in twins it is beyond normal. We try to talk to them and to give them ideas of what they could do differently to deal with it, do rewards for days they don't fight etc..... It works for a day or two, then kicks off again. When they are not fighting they are very, very close and also really sweet grin. (we suggested sending them away somewhere separately for a bit to give them some space from each other, but dt2 said that being separated would be like a part of him dieing!

I want to know if anyone else has it as bad as this. Any tips and advice.

Three4two Sat 10-Oct-15 18:36:53

Hi, sorry I can't offer advice as I have 8 yr old twin girls who are exactly the same. They make me depressed with their fighting. Some of the time they get on but mostly it is screaming at each other, hitting, hair pulling, scratching. Sometimes they even play at being twins with their best friend at school and say that they wish their best friends were their twin instead. Mostly though it's complaining and whinging about the other one constantly, which I actually find worse because it's a bit like water torture. So no advice I'm afraid but you are not alone.

ItIsHowItIsx Thu 15-Oct-15 14:07:40

Thanks for your reply. Nice to know I am not alone..... but how do you know when the fighting goes beyond 'normal' - as their teacher has suggested?

myotherusernameisbetter Thu 15-Oct-15 14:14:01

Not twins, but I had two boys 13 months apart and they do go through a bit where it is like torture - not proud of this, but we did get a few days respite but saying we could only afford to keep one of them and we'd be deciding soon which one it was - I was smiling so I am not sure how much they believed me, but they clearly didn't want to take the chance for a while grin

Do you think it is jealousy or just spending too much time together?

Mine grew out of it and are generally really good together now (teenagers), but they do have their own rooms etc so don't feel forced to be together.

Helenluvsrob Thu 15-Oct-15 14:23:52

My kids grew up with brothers who were 11 months apart. I always thought why don't their parents worry about them doing actual damage to each other" but they never did. The fights were vicious.

KatharineClifton Thu 15-Oct-15 14:34:46

My twins have always been like this too (b/g). Used to drive me to despair. But it's had to stop as my son is now physically very tall. Separate rooms has helped. At age 8 you should be doing everything you can possibly do to make them physically exhausted at all times. They do need time apart too - are they in the same class at school?

ItIsHowItIsx Sun 18-Oct-15 14:06:58

We are working on giving them separate rooms (house is a room short) - its definitely a problem that when they fight there is no personal place for them to go and cool off. The fighting only got really bad recently to the point that I worry they will really hurt each other. They have started in a new school and suddenly the one who was 'favourite' with the old teacher isn't favourite anymore. The new teacher doesn't believe him when he tells her 'it wasn't me it was my brother ....' - the old teacher did. I think they are fighting to find their their place with each other again. Its actually been MUCH better this week (fingers crossed it lasts). It just really upset me that the teacher thinks that their fighting isn't normal.

LOL myotherusernameisbetter!

myotherusernameisbetter Sun 18-Oct-15 14:18:18

Aww glad it has been better and hope you manage to get them their own space.

I don't think it is abnormal and it probably wont be permanent either.

Mine really do get on well most of the time at 15 and 14. More than one scout leader has commented on the fact that usually they need to split brothers up when allocating tents for camps but mine actually want to share and are fine.

zeeka Fri 29-Jan-16 16:33:00

My 8yo girls love arguing. One of them hits and pinches, the other never does. They seem to get over it when I separate them for a while and they gang up on me instead for being mean!

Does their teacher have much experience with twins? I wouldn't put much weight on her comment about not being normal... I'm a teacher and have no professional knowledge at all about sibling relationships!

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