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my marriage won't last

(4 Posts)
NeverGoingToManage Mon 29-Jun-15 09:54:07

NC for this.

The closer I get to the arrival of our twins the more I realise that it is going to be the end of my marriage and I don't really know how I feel.

DH is very impatient, he doesn't cope well with toddler tantrums. He also doesn't cope well with broken sleep. It is like walking on eggshells with him if he's not had a good night's sleep.

He takes his bad moods out on me, and I know that the pressure of having twins as well as a toddler is going to get to him. I don't want to live in, or bring by children up in a situation where we're worried what mood he's going to be in each day.

Should I call it a day now or wait for the inevitable?

2015isgoingtobeBIG Mon 29-Jun-15 18:02:51

You seem pretty certain this will all happen and I can't work out whether that is you coming to that decision based on observation if him with your toddler or an overall assessment of the marriage. Horrible place to be in ether way and I feel for you. Before you throw in the towel altogether, how has he reacted to the news it is going to be twins and how involved in the pregnancy has he been since then? Have you sat down together and ever discussed how difficult IT will be fit both of you having two newborns plus a toddler? Have you bith thought about how you will meet the needs of the toddler whilst dealing with the all consuming world that is the newborn days? If you haven't discussed this, imo you are walking away without giving him a chance and that will be something you'll have to potentislly deal with in future if your kids ask. Talk to him. Maybe start with the practicalities of having your new family and then UN-EMOTIONALLY explain how it might be difficult fir everybody if he is grumpy because of a lack of sleep. You could explain that everybody including your toddler will be sleep deprived and that you're sorrued how you'll all vote. I only have my 8 weeks old twins and the sleep deprivation is tough. I frequently have to tell myself to not take my dh's tone or words personally and that I am over sensitive as much as he is grumpy. I'd been advised by an older twin mum to agree to ignore any bad words said between us in these early days as they wouldn't have been meant and IT was good advice. Somebody else in here said don't try to out do them on the tiredness front and it was also wise advice.
Not sure whether that helps but if you can, talk to him first
Hugs
Xx

NeverGoingToManage Mon 29-Jun-15 18:10:40

Thank you 2015. He has not been very supportive/interested throughout the pregnancy. It was a bit of a shock tbh as was told I wouldn't be able to have any more children due to complications which occurred after I had our son, so then to find out it was twins was even more of a shock! He asked me to terminate twice in the earliest stages (awful I know!). I was adamant I'd do it alone if I had to, but he stuck around after he'd had some time to come to terms with everything and I thought he'd be getting a bit more involved by now. He's not. He wouldn't even hold my hand at our anomaly scan even though he knew how terrified I was.

I haven't really approaches my post-birth concerns with him as he's so dismissive if my pregnancy concerns that I don't think it would get through but I will try.

Congratulations on your babies. Xxx

twingeeks Tue 30-Jun-15 17:24:11

Hi NGTM,

Sorry you're having such a difficult time at the moment. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone with all this as me and my DH have also been going through a really tough time since we found out we were expecting twins unplanned. They haven't arrived yet so I can't console you with any tales of how things might improve for you when they are here, but I wanted to make sure you know there are other people in the same boat, a problem shared and all that...

I have also come very close to throwing the towel. May I ask if your husband was difficult when you were pregnant with your toddler as well or is this a new thing happening right now? Sounds to me like he's terrified of the change and being out of control of his life so has chosen to resent you rather than take responsibility for the consequences of his actions. How have you been playing it so far, telling him like it is or keeping quiet for the sake of trying to get along?

x

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