relationship problems?(9 Posts)
My beautiful twins are just over 3 weeks old and I have a toddler ds too. since the twins arrived it just feels like all dp and I do is fight and snap at each other. We feed one each at the minute while he's off work but he doesn't hear them other than when I wake him during the night. even during the day he leaves me trying to settle 2 crying babies and a terrible 2's toddler who's nose is out if joint to go out for a smoke at every available opportunity. I'm sure he has loads of things I'm doing to annoy him too! tell me it gets better? any tips on how to survive together!
Mine are two - it does get better I promise but those first months are hard and a strain on most relationships I reckon. We didn't have any other children but that must be even harder. A friend of mine who had a toddler and twins had her parents practically move in to help out as couldn't do it alone. I think what helped us was trying to have some defined tasks so we were clear that someone was always cooking/doing the washing etc and didn't have to argue about it. Other than that just trying to be kind to each other despite the sleep deprivation. I think it's about survival for a while so do whatever makes life easier and ask for help from friends and family.
It gets better mrsm16. Honest. Hang in there. My DTs are nearly 4 now and I cannot believe how much of my life I'm getting back. (And there are lots of little steps on the easiness trail) But I distinctly remember at 5mo I could have happily murdered DH with a desert spoon!
Try not to get into competitive tiredness with each other. Be kind to yourself and each other. (Isn't that what Jerry Springer used to say?! Showing my age!) (((hugs))) You'll come out other side.
for you mrsm
My DTs will be 4 weeks old tomorrow and it is HARD! My DH has basically been parenting our 19 month old while I take care of the twins.
We live with my ILs and are in the process of moving in to our own house. DH has been taking care of the move while DS1 is in the crèche and he's super stressed and tetchy about that.
The nights are so tough - all the nappy changing and trying to settle the 2 is really difficult.
I know he's doing his best to get our house ready but I am utterly shattered and he's getting uninterrupted sleep! He sleeps with our 19mo but that is all going to change in the new house.
I'm hoping things will get easier once the twins are sleeping a bit better at night. Everything is so much harder without proper sleep.
Can you talk to your DP about how you're feeling? Sometimes my DH doesn't realise I'm struggling because I just get on with it.
Mine and dh's relationship suffered tremendously in the first year, we came close to splitting up but it got much better after a year.
There is a higher divorce rate among parents of multiples, which doesn't surprise me. For us, the worst stage was 8 weeks to around 20 weeks, twin 1 got colic and it was just awful. With two newborns neither of you gets a break. You can't hand the baby over when your partner gets home and have a bath, it is relentless!
Dh and I are a good team now, 2.7 years later I love him more than ever.
We hit a low point when DH fell asleep on the sofa with DT1 and let her roll off him onto her head on the floor. A few days later he rolled his car and wrote it off when he fell asleep at the wheel just popping to the corner shop for biscuits!
It felt like all the responsibility was on me because he couldn't cope with twins plus our toddler.
It got loads better when they started sleeping through at 4.5 months.
Thanks everyone, nice to know I'm not the only one who went through this stage and that it does get better, just going to focus on the this too shall pass phase but it doesn't apply to my toddler for once!!
I thought those days would never end. I created a huge chart to monitor their sleep, in those early weeks (still have it ) desperately trying to see if there was any improvement in sleeping patterns. Slowly slowly i did start to see they were sleeping 10, 20 minutes more at night...
then the glorious night when you wake at 6 and think, my god, they didn't wake up!
Whenever they were both asleep at that age, I simply lay down on the sofa and slept too. Even 10 minutes makes a difference
It will come.
as everyone else has said - it will get better. My dts are now 4.5 yrs and my older Dd was that age when they were born (now 9). dh had his bag packed to leave at least once during the first yr and I remember being on the phone in floods of tears when dts were 6 months old (my lowest point ), to a lovely kindly lady from Tamba twinline- who let me sob and listened to my woe of how it was our wedding anniversary and I didn't think we'd still be married next year etc... she assured me that the first year was the toughest (she was right). Was only thinking about that the other day (our wedding anniversary)- we are still married xx
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