Is controlled crying advisable?(15 Posts)
We're due to have twins in the next six months. What results are people having with controlled crying? Is it all positive?
It's not advised before at least 6 months so you've got at least a year to think about it/research it
I think you'll find very mixed views on this topic! I couldn't do it - it helped me to get information to see me through tricky patches instead. I found this site really useful for info about why babies sleep the way they do https://www.isisonline.org.uk/how_babies_sleep
I couldn't do it. It sound's great in theory but when they're here and instinct kicks in, many women feel very uncomfortable leaving their baby to cry. Doesn't work for all babies either and like pp said you might have a brilliant sleeper.
It's not easy what ever you do, but I did find it helpful at times. With two I found I really did need a clear routine to survive ;)
Wouldn't have worked for us as ours were in the same room.
I never did controlled crying as such but bf my twins one at a time. The first one to finish got a nappy change, burped and put back in cot. More often than not he'd cry through me feeding the other one, but by the end he'd be asleep. So I never intended controlled crying but I guess that we did. But they slept through from 12 weeks so I can't complain.
However my 3rd baby was a singleton. did I pick him up every time he cried? Absolutely, because I could! I think with twins you have to think differently. You simply can't parent exactly the same as you would if you had one. Good luck. The first 12 weeks were the hardest! X
We've done it with ours after 5 months of waking every 45 mins / hr. We began at six months, and used the Ferber method.
Totally agree with previous poster - first 12 weeks were the hardest and with twins, unless you've got someone else on hand 24/7 there are times they'll have to cry. As they get bigger and stronger, it's easier to cuddle both at the same time.
You've plenty of time to work out what you'll need to do and when. You might have these mythical babies I've heard about, who sleep through 7 -7 from six weeks, which would be wonderful
At 8 months one baby woke once a night and the other woke twice. I did controlled crying, but going in after short intervals or staying in the room. The first baby took one night and has slept through since (now 17 months) his brother took 3 nights but we have to re-do it every now and again... Depends entirely on the baby. Learning to self soothe is a really good skill I think.
No - it induces fear in a child which is not good for attachments later in life.
There is a wealth of research on this.
No two babies are the same.
No twins can be treated the same especially at the same time.
It's hard work but it's not for ever.
I'm with Cadenza - I couldn't deliberately plan to do CC or CIO but with twins you can't always comfort them both.
Twins could have reflux, colic, feeding problems - all of which don't really go very well with controlled crying as babies are actually crying for a reason - they need something - comfort, holding upright, more food etc.
Personally I think if you have a loose routine it really helps avoid the need for controlled crying but in the end - there are always going to be times when there is only one of you to pick up two crying babies (actually got quite good at cuddling two at once!) The people I know who did it were at their wits end with singleton 8 month old babies, year old babies who were waking several times a night. Certainly I think you can avoid that situation by encouraging babies to self soothe a little earlier - which sometimes happens naturally with twins just by default . There is no need to leave a baby screaming for 30 mins which is what the later controlled crying seems to entail (and I have friends who did it - it worked - but they were completely traumatised by it and possibly so were their children)
I don't think I ever left my children to cry that long - 10 mins at most to resettle if I thought they were genuinely sleepy/overtired or if they had to wait to be fed because I was dealing with other twin (although that isn't what is usually meant by controlled crying)
If you get them the opportunity to self settle when they are ready to do it (ie not when suffering from reflux etc as above) there is no need to be in a situation where you have to leave them to scream ifysim. Being very aware of their patterns for sleeping and feeding is more likely to help them sleep well. You don't have to impose some draconian regime on them. But a calm flexible plan based on their "needs" will help. And as many pair of hands as you can muster. That is one of babies' needs - to be picked up and cuddled a lot.
If you're interested in doing it, the book Teach Your Child To Sleep by the Millpond Clinic has a case study using controlled crying with twins (and it was twins sharing a room). We used it with our twins at 6 months and they've slept pretty well ever since. I'd also recommend Marc Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child for a view of what's normal/desirable in terms of naps and night sleep for a baby/child at different ages and stages.
Best of luck! If you can get the sleep cracked, with twins, that's more than half the battle.
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