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Parenting (Older) Twins

(5 Posts)
Mum2Tigers Sat 01-Feb-14 19:50:40

Hello, I have twin girls who are 11 and who are more similar than dissimilar to each other, in terms of their personality. They are very close in terms of academia, interests (books, piano playing), same friends (they go to a small primary although they are in different classes). My "problem" is that they are extremely competitive with each other - to the extent that it is becoming quite negative for them if/when their sister does "better" than they (grades in the main, nothing else is as measurable).

We try to help them differentiate themselves, point out their differences (not many) and encourage different interests, but it's hard - you know what it's like with twins, one of the logistical advantages is that they do things together.

How do we encourage a separate, independent sense of self-confidence? Self-worth? Will the intense sibling rivalry / competition ever end? I know that I may be asking impossible questions here...

JiltedJohnsJulie Sun 02-Feb-14 09:59:28

Haven't got twins but didn't want you to go unanswered. Have you tried the multiples section?

Mum2Tigers Sun 02-Feb-14 16:40:16

Thanks Julie, I wasn't sure where to aim for. Not sure how to ask for the thread to be moved either, or to re-post in the multiples section... confused

Beingfrank Fri 14-Mar-14 09:17:03

I have 10 year old Identical boys and I feel your pain. However, I'm not even sure my two really get on at all or even like each other. They seem to go out of their way to wind each other up and make each other miserable.

I have just given them both a talking to this morning about only having one life, being lucky to be healthy etc so why waste it making each other unhappy.

Mine are intensely competitive in terms of everything having to be "fair". The only time they seem to agree with each other is when they are battling with me over something. I find it incredibly wearing. I hate to say it but the baby part with the was the easy part it has just got harder ever since, in different ways of course. I read of twins who share a special bond with great envy because I really don't think mine do.

For us I think parto of the solution will be to try to send them to different secondary schools - I think that could be the making of them.

I'm sorry not to have any words of advice or to be more positive.

Linguaphile Fri 14-Mar-14 09:35:24

Our girls are only 6 months old, but I wonder/worry about this all the time. Curious to see other responses!

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