1:1 time with older twins(20 Posts)
Have DT boys aged seven and it has become really obvious recently that we need to be spending 1:1 time with them - up to now it's been fine but recently (not helped by move to new school where they are in the same class and will be until the end of primary) they have started to get ridiculously competitive and bitchy towards each other. So much so that home life has started to get really miserable.
I feel guilty because it's just been so easy up to now to deal with them together - they are both into the same things so they don't do any separate out of school activities. However DT1 is much more popular at school than DT2 and I think this is affecting DT2's confidence. Funnily enough we had just decided that this weekend we will spend Sunday taking each of them out separately - they're really looking forward to it, and actually so am I!
Mine are 20mo (ID girls), and last weekend (middle of the night) I was in A&E with dtd1. Despite not being well, she seemed to truly relish the 1:1 time she had with me in the waiting room playing at 1.30am! It's the first time I've actually seen it so will make an effort to do this more, but I also think you can go to far the other way (from talking to mums with older twins). I have dd1 too and I try to encourage the 3 of them the play together - which they do well. I would hate to destroy that relationship. I think it's about sensing what your children need at any given time and working out what works best for your family. One friend had dtds who got distressed when separated so she stopped and made sure she did things together but gave them lots of attention each while they did things.
Hi I am new here.
I have G/G twins who are 4 now. They are in separate nursery classes but my choice. As much as I love them being together I want them to be as independent as they can and I think they'd be better if they weren't distracted by each other.
Apparently when play time & snack time happen the girls find each other and from nursery I get that my younger twin is a little more laid back and happy to do things on her own much more than my older girl.
It all depends on what you like as a parent and what you think suits your twins.
They start reception in September and if I get the school of my choice then I have asked for the girls to be separated again if that's an option
thanks, glitter. My two get on beautifully, I hate to separate them. Will see what school says about it when they hopefully get places next month!
We did ask nursery to keep an eye on whether one of them was taking over the other at all as we also had the opportunity to split them there as well. There were no problems hence our lack of concern about them being in the same reception class. I have 3 friends with 2 sets of G/G and 1 B/G in different classes too but it depends on how you think they will get on.
One neighbour who was a primary teacher declared that all twins should be split up. I told her she didn't necessarily know what she was talking about as all children are different. The best school will work with you on how the children are doing.
that's good to hear glitter, my two are due to start in Sept and can't decide whether to keep them together. DTD dominates DTS quite a lot!
Our B/G are 5 now. We do a bit of 1:1 with them like cooking, reading. Sometimes one will stay at home and the other will go out. This is about to change though as DD has taken quite a shine to music so may well be starting violin lessons whereas he won't be since he isn't interested.
They are in the same class at school but they aren't in each others pockets and their teacher recognises they are 2 individuals with different likes and abilities although they are similar. Having had parents' evening this week, there are no concerns at all with them being in the same class.
My b/g twins are 4.6 now, starting school in Sept. Have always split them up regularly, partly because it meant dp and I could spend a bit more time with our older dc who were 21 months and nearly 5 when dts were born. And because I wanted to do it and know them as individuals. DTS was really spooked the first time, he was maybe 6 months? Didn't know what to do with himself without his sister there but blossomed. I love 1:1 with all of my dc, sneak it when I can and in a busy hectic family I think they like that bit of space with me or DP. Helps with their confidence IMO.
I don't know Twelve I think it totally depends on the family, as they get older they will be able to tell you what they want to do anyway.
Our boys have only been apart twice I think and one of those times was in neonatal after they were born.
RedundantExpat just out of interest, do you have any other DC?
We organized 1on1 time from the very start. Sometimes I think it is more important for the parents than the multiples but otoh they do behave differently when they don't have to compete for attention.
Somehow I am also convinced they will treasure those moments at some point in the future.
Interesting thread, what ate do people think it becomes important?
My Dts are 2.9 so not that much older, we don't make a huge effort to have 1.1 time tbh but some things do just happen organically. One will do a food shop with one parent while the other stays at home and bakes / makes soup or something. Sometimes we will go to the park seperately or do little mini trips out but nothing major.
Maybe it's something they would like to do when they are older, they will be in different classes at school so hopefully they will have different friends.
I am not a twin but growing up most of our spare time was spent as a family, my dps family was the same, maybe that's why it is not a huge issue for us.
I have twin girls age 9. They have a lot of the same interests, so do often end up doing things together (eg if i suggested doing something with just one, the other one would generally want to do it too and they get invited to the same parties etc). We do try to get a bit of 1 to 1 time, but it is not that much, and nor are they pushing for it particularly. We have suggested different classes (to give us time with one while the other is at a class), but they like the same things. But they are now at different levels in a couple of things so are in different classes for gymnastics and swimming even though they both do them. This has increased the one to one time a little.
We have B/B twins so I guess even more likely that we'll end up doing most things with them as a pair until they are older. Perhaps they won't mind too much though? DD really enjoys a little one to one time but perhaps it's harder for her as she was used to having all of our attention until her two little brothers came along!
Mine are five now (boy/girl) and have an older brother age seven. Every couple of months either DH or I will take one child to see our own parents for the weekend so they get loads of attention and no sibling rivalry.
Also now they are at school they go individually to friends' houses or other activities. They are in separate classes at school also which is good!
Are your twins same sex or b/g twins? My DTs are 8 now, boy/ girl and its been quite easy to spend time with them on a 1:1 basis for the last couple of years. Before that, they did virtually everything together, same activities etc so apart from taking one into a separate room for a bit of 1:1 reading time etc, they didn't get much time with us separately. We also had Number 3 when they were just 4, so I had trouble spending any quality time with them at all, nevermind on a 1:1 basis!
Now DTS does football on Saturday mornings, DTD does gymnastics. One week I'll go to football (and might take DTS for an ice cream / buy a comic etc afterwards) whilst DH takes DTD to gymnastics, the next week we'll swap. They also like quite different things now, DTS will pay football in the garden morning till night (so easy to spend time with him playing) and DTD will be busy colouring / crafting.
Also have separate friends DTD had a friend that moved away a year or so ago, so DTD and I have just had a weekend away (just the 2 of us) with her old friend, and DTS is going to Rugby camp with Daddy later in the year. Its hard to start with but easier as they get older as they develop different interests that you can get involved in.
Our DTS are not even 1 yet so not a concern for the immediate future but I was just having a think about spending some 1:1 time with DD this weekend and it got me wondering what we'll do when DTS are older.
Parents of older twins, do you make sure that you spend time with each child individually or do you find that you tend to down time with them both at the same time, as a pair as it were?
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