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It's really hard work just now

(16 Posts)
elizabethsmum Mon 18-Mar-13 21:00:26

Hi all
We are in a similar situation with 2.4yr old B/G twins and a 7 year old DD also. Just had a completely overwhelming day and logged on and happened to see this thread. As others have said it is not nice to read about everyone going through a hard time but still makes me feel a bit more 'normal'!
i am lucky that i have a neighbour in virtually identical circumstances to me so we can often 'vent'!
Am hanging onto the fact that things did get easier with eldest once she got to 3 - as mimiof3 says and DD twin is already easier than she was since her speech has improved- can reason with her a lot more. DS twin is a totally different ball game- hence very disheartening day!!
keeping fingers crossed anyway.......

ladybirdm Tue 12-Mar-13 21:40:12

Thank you all for writing on this thread (which google found straight away)

I feel completely overwhelmed at the moment. I have 23 month b/g twins and no other siblings, so I know others have it harder than me....

I feel guilty that I'm wishing their lives away but as you all have said just simple things are so difficult. The patience required is on another level! This then leaves you completely drained.

I'm finding maintaining the house very difficult and this in turn depresses me more. My mother in law comes over a few times a week but if she takes then out I have no motivation and I just want to sleep. I'm hoping the lighter nights will bring some much needed boost to my motivation and moral.

Having read this back I think we all get like this even if there is only one baby, but it has been very cathartic just writing down.

Thank you smile

mimiof3 Thu 31-Jan-13 12:27:08

We have twins (dd & ds) of 2.3 years and a 5 yr old (ds). It's bloody hard everyday, double tantrums & the not sleeping through the night is not fun . The 5 yr is lovely, and of course they're all lovely, just the terrible 2 phase is so hard, especially at the same time! I am hoping that this time next year things will get better like it did with our eldest hmm

Fandangos Mon 14-Jan-13 23:02:12

Hi benjalamummy, sorry to hear you're having it tough too. I've no advice either, but it is really great to know there are others put there who feel the same.

I feel the same as you about family. I sometimes wonder how it could be so hard to pack up and go home, but it is. It would be so expensive to relocate and as you say, salaries are not the same everywhere you go.

Here's to us and our gorgeous children.

benjalamummy Mon 14-Jan-13 19:36:57

Fandangos, I am so pleased you started this thread, and thanks everyone else too, for posting. I feel very similar to most of you, and it is just such a huge relief that I am not alone in feeling this way. My b/g twins are 2 and 2 months and are bloody amazing, but I feel like a caffeine fuelled robot at the moment. Mine too have been ill on and off since Christmas (mostly on), have stopped sleeping through the night (since November - no idea why - molars?). The lack of sleep makes it so much more difficult to cope with the daily battle that is getting them fed, washed, dressed, out. We have always had a good routine so they know what to expect but I think it is just them asserting themselves - but over every-blooming-last-thing. Mealtimes have become a major stress too. I just feel so wiped out and drained at the end of each day, from the tantrums and from being a referee to their fights.
I also feel massively guilty for even saying all this as we were so desperate to have them and went through a lot to get pregnant, and they really are the best thing ever!
We are abroad and do not have any family nearby. It makes a HUGE difference - on the hard days I would so love to just be able to pack us all into the car and pop round to my mums. Unlike you Fandangos, I never really missed home before the kids, but I do now, increasingly so, but it would be really difficult for us to get similar jobs paying the same in the UK as we have here. Like you, we have great friends around, but it isn't quite the same.
Sorry no advice here, but hugs and wine all round (before the rub down by someone handsome obviously)

TwelveLeggedWalk Mon 14-Jan-13 16:11:12

Basically, we all need a pat on the back, a good rub down by someone handsome

Amen to that!

Fandangos Mon 14-Jan-13 15:18:49

HopefulPositive, all I can say is that having an older one does really add some challenges to the mix! Everyone copes with things differently and I really do think my children are smart and amazing and I'm very proud of them. If you're struggling to leave the house, I urge you to seek help; tell someone how you're feeling. I find that a lot of the groups I go to are run by people who are more than happy to lend a hand with children and I go with mums of singletons who help me out too. Do you know any others with twins?

TwelveLeggedWalk, it sounds like you're having a stressful time, surely it's going to get better soon! I'm hoping your babies stop getting ill soon!

BornInACrossFire, I'm also thinking that this is a tough age because they aren't little helpless babies, they're wilful, but can't tell you how they're feeling, so hopefully things will even out once our twins can tell us things!

Basically, we all need a pat on the back, a good rub down by someone handsome and some time to body scrub and daydream would be nice! One day we'll be saying, "they could visit once in a while", "is it so hard to pick up the phone"!

BornInACrossFireHurricane Mon 14-Jan-13 14:42:39

My b/g twins are nearly 20 months and we also only on one income (I want to retrain when they're older)

They have always been poor sleepers as well which does not help, and they are so flippin stubborn strong minded it seems everything is a battle at the moment.

It's hard, isn't it?!

BlueberryHill Mon 14-Jan-13 14:29:58

We do pay for it, it is on just during school time and is a charity so the fees are low. We built up some vouchers through DHs work voucher scheme whilst they were babies, money is tight for us also. I've found the two mornings they go a godsend, I'm volunteering to try to get some experience to change career and to get some stuff done around the house.

HopefulPositive Mon 14-Jan-13 14:27:21

I only have twins 6 months old and I'm struggling as my family live in england and im in jersey so I can't imagine how the rest of you are coping with older children too. I don't leave the house v often as they feed and sleep at different times and am becoming lonely and depressed. It's a shame to hear it doesn't get easier as they get older because that's what I was banking on! All I can say s you are doing an amazing job to get through each day looking after all your children xx

Fandangos Mon 14-Jan-13 14:23:49

BlueberryHill, I hear you, they are delightful in so many ways and there are many moments in the day when you laugh and feel so proud of them.

Is the Playgroup your twins go to one that you pay for? Like a preschool? I hope to do that this time next year, when mine are 2 and a half. I'd love to find the cash even for a morning a week at a childminder, but things are really tight at the moment.

TwelveLeggedWalk Mon 14-Jan-13 14:22:58

Oh I'm glad someone started this thread. Not glad you're feeling the same way, but you know what I mean!
So much has got easier since hte early, days, but it feels like I haven;t left the house since Christmas apart from to walk the dog or take the DTs t the doctors. Half the nursery time I pay for they can't go to because they're ill all the time, so just as I'm trying to ramp up my work (they're 15mo) again they are making it impossible to meet deadlines. I'm working in the middle of the night, then they're ill so they're not sleeping.
I'm a zombie. Even I got ill, and I NEVER get ill! When they are healthy they're usually on quite good form, but I spend a lot of time refereeing and meal times are really challenging with DS. When they're under the weather, like today, we can't really go out and it feels like I've been stuck in one room with two whinging babies for weeks now.
It was really hard to make mum friends when they were little because it was so hard getting out to things, now they're more fun and can enjoy playgroups and things but we're never bloody able to go! Feel like I've dropped off the edge of the planet half the time.

Fandangos Mon 14-Jan-13 14:18:49

Hi toomuchpink, nice to hear from you.

My health visitor told me she'd arrange to have someone come and help and she'd be in touch, when the twins were born, but a coupe of months later, someone called to say there was nobody available to come to me. My eldest is now at school, so I don't know if that makes a difference.

I need to join tamba too, I tried a couple of times and the site wasn't working, then you get caught up in other things and it gets forgotten doesn't it?!

Everyone has tough times and it's sometimes just good to hear from others in the same sort of position. Before we know it, they'll all be at school and there'll be a new set of challenges! But at least we'll get to sit down with a coffee and just take stock of our thoughts!

BlueberryHill Mon 14-Jan-13 14:13:21

I know how you feel, b/g twins at 2 1/2 years and a 6 year old at school. Some things are getting easier but I find it gruelling getting everyone in and out, food on the table, trying to get it eaten without it descending into a chimps tea party. I also stopped work as it just didn't pay with two of the same age. Luckily family is close by so we get help and support.

The twins started to go to a playgroup when they turned 2, for two mornings a week and I think it saved my sanity (I was turning into a screaming harpy and I still have my moments). I'm now starting to get my head around them turning 3, taking advantage of the 15 hours free child care to start getting back into a career.

Judging by the comments I get I think that people think once the early months are over, having twins gets easier because they play together. Er no, I find that now they are moving it is harder in some ways, I find it difficult to take all three out together on my own, I've done it but I need to keep twins on reins or in the buggy as they just leg it at the moment and think running off down a pavemnt is hilarious.

I sound all doom and gloom and it isn't, their language is great as they talk to eachother, all three play (and fight) well together. It is hard work, try to get help in place now or the near future if you can.

toomuchpink Mon 14-Jan-13 13:52:19

My twins are 16mths and my dd1 is nearly 4. Funnily enough I live in Scotland and my parents live in England. They do visit often and it makes a big difference when they are here. I get days when I feel the way you describe. It has got so much easier - but that does not mean it is easy. I work three days a week now, and i confess I look forward to those days and it has made the time I have at home with the children more enjoyable too. There's not a big profit on childcare but there is a small one. I am very lucky on that score. Is there anything you can do to make life a little easier for yourself? Seek a home start volunteer through your health visitor or GP? Everyone I know with twins and a toddler has had one at some stage. All three of mine had chicken pox when the twins were 6mths and I discovered girls at the local private nursery would come in for £5 an hour. Could you find £10 a week so just for a couple of hours you have an extra pair of hands?
I know these things don't stop that drained feeling, but it might help break up your week a little.
Let me know how you are doing.

Fandangos Mon 14-Jan-13 12:05:35

I'm mum to b/g twins, who are 18 months old. I also have a 5 year old girl. The early days with the twins were very, very challenging, as many will know, but I suppose I was just so wrapped up in the feeds, sleeps and entertaining my eldest, I just got on with it.

These days, they are turning into toddlers, who make their own toddler demands and my daughter has probably become easier to deal with, as she's just growing up. The problem I have seems to be that I just feel like a human punchbag a lot of the time. Every day is so hard, with the demands, the noise, struggling to get them in the pushchair to take eldest to school, having the food I prepare chucked away by 2 people, just general daily life with the 3.

I think I've come to a stage where I think, "phew, this has been tough and still is tough and there's no break in sight yet". We are a 1 income family, we just lost our child benefit completely, and I don't have a career to go back to that would warrant paying 2 in childcare. I am from Scotland, my husband is from Italy, we live in England, so absolutely no family around to call on in times of need.

All I can think of a lot of the time is getting home to Scotland. My parents are retired, my brother is there and childhood friends. I would so love the company and support. I also just feel like every day away from home is another day I've missed with my family. I've lived here for 7 years and have missed home from day 1, but now more so.

I have lots of fantastic and helpful friends here and I get out to groups and things often, but I just want to be there for my family and they want to be there for me. My husband is fab and very supportive, but is reluctant to change jobs, as he fears the uncertainty of it.

A lot of the time people tell me I need to basically make the most of what I have, not long for what I don't have. But I don't know anyone else in my position, so I don't think people can truly understand. Everyone else I know has at least one family nearby.

Sorry for the essay! I just need to put this down somewhere! Anyone else feeling similarly?

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