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Help! 2 boys and found out am having twins!

(47 Posts)
elisio1 Sat 12-Jan-13 19:47:10

Well, the title says it all really. My husband and I are in a state of shock. We have 2 lovely boys, 5 and 2.5. We tentatively went for no.3 and have discovered we're having twins - most likely b/g combination.

Although we had got our head around the idea of 3 children (just), having four under 5 , and this including twins, was not in our game plan. We feel absolutely overwhelmed and wonder if we'll be able to cope. Will we still be able to have a social life? Will getting out of the house be a complete nightmare? Will anyone want to have us round to their house? Just a few of the worries that crowd in on us. And how will it affect DS1 and DS2 ? I really worry about our attention being stretched too thinly over 4 still-young children.

Having twins first time round or second wouldn't have seemed such a game changer, but the idea of going from 2 to 4 is pretty mind-boggling.

Anyone been in this position? How did it work out? Would be grateful for any advice.

nextphase Sat 12-Jan-13 20:16:07

Not been in your position, but currently know one family with 4 under 6, who are all doing very well (and will still be invited here - DC4 is 6 weeks), and another lot with 3 boys, currently expecting no 4. Think they will have 4 under 5, but we won't invite them round, as they aren't friends, iyswim?

It will be lovely having them all so close in age, and of course you'll be able to get out, have a social life etc if thats what you want to do. Might need to look at a bigger car tho grin


toomuchpink Sat 12-Jan-13 21:27:21

I'm not quite in your shoes, but I know how you feel. We planned baby number two and got twins. My fears were similar to yours. How will I ever be able to give DD1 the attention I want to? Won't all my children miss out? I absolutely felt shocked and overwhelmed.
I won't lie to you. Looking after two babies at the same time as (in my case) one older one is demanding. The sleep deprivation for the first six months or so was really tough and while most days were ok until about 3pm in the afternoon, those last hours before my husband came home could be a teeth-gritting grind. However, my twins are 16-months now and as long as they are well they are a joy. They are beginning to respond to each other in many charming ways and while DD1 has of course had her frustrations with them, most of the time she loves them being around. She wants to go and get them up in the morning or after their nap etc. With help from my parents, who do not live near-by but visit regularly, I don't feel she missed out.
In the longterm I can see an advantage in having four - no-one will be missed out. Best of luck and look after yourself.

bigboobsatlast Sun 13-Jan-13 07:27:18

Hi elisio. Congratulations. I think what you are feeling is completely normal. It will take a while to get used to your news!
Yes it will be hard work but it will be amazing. Twins are so special. Yiur older dc will adjust and love their special siblings they can show off! !

There is a mum on here who was in a similar situation I think.... twin2makes4 hopefully she will be along soon. And another mum clareinmodena who got 4 instead of 3! But her dc are older.

It takes time to get your head around having twins, but you will.

Sorry not got any specific advice as my older dc is 2 and dts are 8 months. But I do get out, we do have fun and older dc loves the fact she has TWO brothers!

Good luck and take care

twotimestwo Sun 13-Jan-13 19:19:49

I was in the same position, my boys were 5 and 3 when the twins were born. I was frightened, and it hasn't been easy, but 4 works really well. My family feels balanced. The hardest part was the pregnancy, as I ended up in hospital for 5 weeks and DS2 really struggled with that and it took a while for him to trust me again. Time is stretched, particularly as I work, but the boys love their sisters and we do have a social life. It is life changing though and expensive, new car and no reusing the old pushchair. Congratulations, twins are great.

twin2makes4 Sun 13-Jan-13 19:32:42

hi i was in that position this time last year, took over a year to concieve number 3 to the point we'd sort of gone over the idea got pg and had bleeding at 6 weeks went for my scan alone on 14th december to be told id twins!!! biggest shock ever shock

really struggled with how we would cope with 4 children ours were a little older 3 & 7 both boys but felt completely the same as you, worried how we would fit in our house how i would go to work money everything!!!! my id girls came the day before my eldest birthday ( i pushed very hard to 1.make sure they arrived on the same day and 2. didnt steal his birthday smile )

It has been difficult but they are all worth it and my heart melts when my girls look at their brothers with such wonder and love accept all the help you can and we split the care so i looked after babies and my dh did things with the boys, my girls also have to wait sometimes if im busy bathing the boys doing homework etc......Its totally doable and has become easier dont be hard on yourselfs to start off with and find a routine that works for all of you.

Congratulations it is amazing having twins and my boys now answer most of the millions of questions and comments we get on a daily basis grin

Chottie Sun 13-Jan-13 19:35:03

Congratulations smile

twin2makes4 Sun 13-Jan-13 19:39:20

oh and we still have a social life, hopefully if youve got good family and friends like us you can have time out seperatly with your boys or as a family just takes a bit of planning smile

JustFabulous Sun 13-Jan-13 19:40:12

Twins! How lovely.

ImNotCute Sun 13-Jan-13 19:43:27

Congratulations. I can understand your shock! I only have 2 here so no personal experience. But your story really reminded me of this article I read a couple of years ago and obviously made an impression on me:

Going from 2 to 5

In that article the mum had triplets! I'm sure your situation will be hard work but well worth it. DH is one of 4 kids, I think it's great to have 3 siblings. Good luck.

MumVsKids Sun 13-Jan-13 19:44:28

Congratulations,I would have loved twins smile

twin2makes4 Sun 13-Jan-13 19:46:21

sorry me again one thing i did was stock piled nappies and wipes they lasted months and was one less cost to worry about as you tend not to miss the money now smile

ImNotCute, that article stayed with me too, I've often shaken my head with wander "imagine going from two children to five' but they survived and op, I am sure you and your babies will too!

ImNotCute Sun 13-Jan-13 20:17:27

Ps I hope linking to the article i mentionned is ok,I don't want to scare you. I was kind of thinking as you have 1 less it will be hard work for you but not that bad! I'm sure you'll do great.

oenophilia Sun 13-Jan-13 20:37:45

Our boys were 6 & 4 when the DTs arrived (we'd lost one between whiles). In a way easier to go from 2 to 4 than from 2 to 3. We allocated each boy a baby as "Chief Supervisor" so they wouldn't fight over who got to hold & fuss over. Twins also have a wonderful capacity to keep each other company & stimulate each other when you've got other stuff to do. Only down side was we had to scale up the car. I clearly remember my first comment seeing the scan was "How the * do you get three car seats in the back of a Renault Scenic?" You don't. Oh, and join Freecycle!

Rowan1204 Sun 13-Jan-13 21:54:37

Hi Elisio,

Im not in quite the same position as i only have 1 ds already but i am definitely feeling the same in terms of anxiety.

My partner had spent quite a long time persuading me to try for a second and tbh i was still slightly hesitant, but thought it would be now or never really as my ds is 4 in April and didn't want a gap much bigger than that.
Found out at a dating scan at 6 wks that we have Identical twins on the way!
I am 15 weeks today and i still often just sit and gulp at the thought at how I'll manage with three.
The ladies here and other twin parents have offered lots of reassuring advice and do remind me of what a blessing it will be despite how hard at times. I try to think about their different stages of life and his lovely it will be being a twin.
Sorry Im not a huge help in terms of advice but just want you to know you are no alone in how you feel.
Do feel free to pm me if you'd like a twin buddy smile

toomuchpink Mon 14-Jan-13 14:13:21

For the first time today my twins sat opposite each other holding hands for row-row-row the boat, rocking back and forth. I was as overwhelmed as you Rowan when I found out my family was going from one to three. I would never have imagined there would be moments when they would be so cute together that all the craziness, sleep deprivation and sense of personal inadequacy would fade away - but it does happen! Of course after a couple of versus one of them still wanted to row and the other was fed up and started wandering round the church hall. That's life! But I am beginning to think, while I would never have chosen this family set up in a million years, perhaps I was actually lucky. The path less travelled by having made all the difference, or however that goes....

holidaysdistantmemory Mon 14-Jan-13 14:26:00

Snap. Congregations! Did you find out on Friday? I have 2 dcs, 4 (boy) and 2 (girl), and had a mmc 6 months ago. Went for an early scan on Friday, 8 weeks, as having bad cramps, very anxious about scan and having a panic attack as expecting to see on my 12 week ultrasound what I saw last time with mmc (not pleasent). Midwife asked me if I was on ivf. Errrr, no, why? 'twins in the family?' 'why do you ask?' 'Because there are two of them in there, two strong heartbeats'. WTF!!!!!!! The unit even had a counsellor on hand waiting for me outside the scanning room who was the lovely lady who helped me with the mmc and erpc (fitting it in within 24 hours around my dc's childcare), I had to stagger out and tell her instead it was twins this time...
We are in state of shock, had to really twist my dh's arm to try for a 3rd, he categorically doesn't want any more, he is devastated to say the least. I am vacillating between nervous giggles and depression thinking of finances, lack of any foreign holidays, lack of any new clothes, gym membership, meals out, just the next 20 years of being utterly knackered and skint. Will have to work til I drop, I am the main breadwinner in our house. Probably not helping as my DS is not sleeping well at month, so very tired and obv feel nauseous too.
Will wait to 12 weeks to tell anyone, even parents, after the mmc, have learnt to not get ahead of myself, may even wait longer to ring around friends and family who I don't see on a day to day basis.
Jesus Christ!

holidaysdistantmemory Mon 14-Jan-13 14:32:23

Whoops, not midwife, sonographer, obv. Getting ahead of myself!

Rowan1204 Mon 14-Jan-13 20:16:02

I think another hard thing, or at least something I am also finding quite hard, is that with my ds I had a plain-sailing pg, no problems at all, and had a lovely natural delivery, waterbirth, with only bit of gas and air, and came home the same day with and 8lbs healthy baby!
The high risk element of this twin pregnancy (particuarly as ID twins) is scaring me to death. the thought of potentially having a CS is my worst nightmare, i know may women have them, but for me its petrifying. even just the epidural scares me to death, and the thought of having them before they are fully cooked too.
Thanks toomuchpink for giving us some nice thoughts. That sounds so sweet the Row your boat thing! smile
Congrats holiday on your double bump too. My Dp wanted another but like you, I'm the main breadwinner (and dp does the childcare) and I don't think he braced himself for having another TWO! its crazy - don't think it will sink in for him for quite some time tbh.
on the plus side - my boss has 16 yr old ID girls, so has been extremely supportive which has helped a lot!

holidaysdistantmemory Mon 14-Jan-13 20:32:22

rowan, thank you. A good friend of mine just had identical twins, she had a straightforward pregnancy, a cs, and babies well and home straight away. Its tempting to listen to all the scare stories out there but there are also happy endings. And your dh DID want another, so he has to reap the consequences now, hey!!
I think mine are non-identical as there are two sacs, tho not yet up to speed with the twin lingo? I had an epidural with number 1, it was fantastic, felt nothing and no side effects. Would thoroughly recommend it. I had 2 natural births, so wld be annoying to now have a cs, and scar etc, but I think its a matter of course for twins isn't it?

Rowan1204 Mon 14-Jan-13 20:38:26

Wow that's great you have a friend who also have twins! I have made friends with a friend's older sister on FB who has recently had non Id twin girls, and she has been great - have been bombarding her with Q's!
You're right - haha and I will remind him of that! smile
Yes, Non ID have 2 separate sacs. since doing my research and seeing different scan pics on google etc, its quite an obvious difference between ID and Non ID.
I think they're is a chance of natural birth, more so with Non ID twins apparently. I have scans every 2 weeks with ID twins to check for TTTS, which only occurs in ID twins. I think they scan you every 3-4 weeks with Non ID? not 100% sure though.
I'm accepting the fact that I will most likely have a CS. If not, then bonus! (just double ouch!)

holidaysdistantmemory Mon 14-Jan-13 20:50:40

Thanks Rowan, will have to make friends with Mr Google and look up the whole twin world. I have 4 friends who have had twins in the last year or so, hence me foolishly thinking that there would be not a chance in hell that I would be having them too, twins are not that common are they?! The lesson learned in trying for baby no 3 ("just a little one to tag along, won't be life changing" etc!!!).
The nice lady at the ebu explained that I would be assigned to a consultant, and scanned regularly, and as I have given birth to two 10 pounder dcs, that there is no way they would let me go full term because they wld squash each other. The birth concerns me less (as its prob a cs, so may as well resign myself to it) than what comes after, 4 kids under 5!
Been to the gym tonight, and gutted that I won't be able to do this with 4 kids, there will always be one which is poorly/not sleeping etc. Dh works in the evening.
Nice to let off steam (excuse me) and no-one knows in rl except for traumatised dh who just says "my life is over"...

DigestivesWithCheese Tue 15-Jan-13 13:57:20

Hi Elisio!

I have recently gone from 2 to 4 and I remember the feeling of shock you describe. We'd decided we could just manage number 3 & then we found out there were two at the scan. grin

We now have a DS who is 7, DD who is 22 months & B/G twins who are 15 days old. I don't have time to write much now because the twins and toddler are all having an afternoon nap, so I'm about to have a nap of my own now...., I just wanted to say, it will all be okay smile.

I had an awful birth, can't lift my toddler because of c-section and we are up every 2/3 hours feeding then both - BUT, somehow we are still coping, the older DC's are enjoying the babies & I'm not really as tired as you might expect. The twins already seem to comfort each other, they settle nicely when they are put down together but whimper when one is taken from the cot. I've found them lying in the cot holding hands a few times, with their eyes open just staring at each other. Moments like that are so sweet that they make up for the lack of sleep.

elisio1 Sat 19-Jan-13 20:15:14

Thank you everyone for replying. I do appreciate it. So nice to see that others are in the same boat and managing, even enjoying, the experience.

Holidaysdistantmemory, our situations sound v similar. 2 young kids and wondering how we'll cope, plus devastated husbands! Mine has come round a little, but still really worried about the whole scenario.

I'm still struggling with the whole thing too (and I'm now 15 weeks so have had a bit of time to think about it). I'm sure we'll cope, but worried we'll lose the enjoyment iykwim? My two DSs are so lovely and enjoyable - I thought a third would be too. But I wonder if 4 so close together will tip the balance towards "just getting through". Sorry if this seems unnecessarily negative, but that is my main worry. Anyone else in similar situation worry about this? And, when the twins came, how long did it take you to "enjoy" your family again?

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