Twin DD unhappy at school - Reception

[mum2twins]

My DD & DS started reception (the same class) in Sept. and have just gone full time this January. My DD who at home is generally more dominant has turned out to be really dependent on her brother. He on the other hand has turned out to Mr sociable and goes off with the boys. She has started crying, making up illnesses and generally does not want to attend all day. She likes the lessons but it is the long lunchtime playtimes she does not like. She has started to hang around with the teachers that are on playground duty and is not mixing with the children. It actually seems to be getting worse! Do you think she feels abandoned by her brother? and that it will settle down in time?

[MarsOnLife]

I think you need to talk to her teacher.

It will settle down, but in the meantime, she needs some support.

I wonder if the same will happen to my two, cos it's the same here, DT1 (girl) is the dominant one. DT2 (boy) is actually the more sociable of the two. However, that is me and not you right now.

They've only just gone full time. It will take time to settle. It's a long day. I'm sure that her teacher will be able to pair her up with another girl/boy at school that she likes to encourage her.

Try not to worry. Change is hard enough for us all.

[mum2twins]

thanks Marsonlife, I think I am going to catch the teacher after school today. It is ironic I have a son who hates the work but loves the playtimes and is having a fab old time with all his new mates. And a DD who loves the work but hates the playtime! I have invited some girls over which she plays with really nicely but she goes all funny once at school and shy and ignores them. She has been playing football with the boys but rather understandibly they don't want her to join in anymore!

[MarsOnLife]

School is a great big scary place sometimes. Let me know how you get on.

[TwoIfBySea]

Oh I found a similar experience when dts first went to nursery preschool last January. Formally outgoing, sassy dts1 became the quiet loner while independent but quiet dts2 became Mr Popularity! It has changed since dts1 became friends with his girl friday!

Dts1 does rely on his brother more, needs to know he is there etc. Nothing as bad as what your poor dd is feeling though so, like Mars, I'll be looking forward to finding out what happens and fingers crossed for your dd.

She will find her feet.

[MadWitch]

My twins (boy and girl) are now 12 and have always been in the same class at school. I had severe problems with my girl when they first started school; although the dominent twin at home she had real problems. Eventually though a great deal of devotion from a classroom assistant who took the time to get to know each twin - they were allowed to establish their own personalities and were no longer labelled as "twins" which really helped. Unfortunately our schools only have one class per year (or a mixed two year class) but if I were living back in London I'd ask for them to be split up as early as possible to enable them to gain there own personalities.

Looking back I've made so many mistakes with mine - there are so many things I'd do different - but I've got three in the same school year (11 months between them!)

Talk to them individually about their school day and ask them how the other ones day was! You'll get far more info from the other twin.

Persevere and good luck! Things settle in the end! One twin often needs more support than the other. Your not alone - but I know how you feel!

[joanna4]

mum2twins does your reception not have a buddy support system where year 6 children hang out with the reception kids so they dont feel lonely and have others to play with.My 2 children have had buddies and have been/are buddies.Also i work in reception so I know the buddy system works well.