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Does anyone else get tired of the pitying 'how are you coping' looks from people when out with twins?

(21 Posts)
doradaisy Sun 26-Jun-11 23:22:04

Had a lovely day out in the park today with DD1, age 3 and half, and ID twin boys (11 months). really enjoyed the sunshine, walks, sitting on grass, picnic by the fountain.

however, got loads of 'gosh you've your hands full comments from passer-bys, and pitying looks from diners as we went in to the restaurant for muffins as had difficulty getting through doors, but managed fine.

basically, after the initial craziness and busyness of twins, am coping just fine! i love it actually, feel blessed and lucky (and if i'm honest a bit smug) to be mother of identical twin boys.

other people seem to think it's a nightmare and a trial and make it very clear to me when i'm out in the park, playground, shops, just about anywhere!!!!

even workmates/sisters do the 'oh thank gawd i didn't have twins!" line. (ya right, secretly they'd be delighted...)

it's driving me nuts!!!!!

ok, rant over x x x

rattling Mon 27-Jun-11 21:45:08

It was the boys first birthday, first time out in ages with all my friends (and their children). I went off for a wander about by myself for a moment (we were at a festival/fair type thing) and when I came back my 2 lovely boys chucked themselves at me, and I had the pair of them hanging off me for a few minutes. My friends commented on how hard it all looked, and passed some pitying glances between them.

It has been hard at times, and I do mostly arrange myself so they each get half of me, but that was not a difficult moment, that was lovely.

Sorry - over a year later, it's nice to finally complain about that one time that means I don't think my friends quite get it.

I've had lots of odd things said by strangers too - but they are just crazy weirdos who'd offer up unprompted opinions on the street, so they are forgotten.

Sophie2008 Mon 11-Jul-11 22:07:24

I get tired of them too. My daughter will be 3 in Aug and my b/g twins are almost 15 months old.
I always get "You've got your hands full" and "How do you manage"
One woman said to me in the street, Must be hard having twins you can't love them as much each as you're sharing the love. WTF?? My response was I have a lot of love to give and goodbye! Cheeky cow!

Happydogsaddog Mon 11-Jul-11 22:16:02

Aargh. I dont have twins but dd1 is 3 in sept, dd2 is 2 in sept and ds is 1 in sept. It drives me mad, also being a lone parent. People say things about the dad, errr no he was always a bad father now he's a bad husband too. Funniest thing I cope better than friends/rellies with 1 or 2 LOs.

Geepers Mon 11-Jul-11 22:20:38

I get the 'you have your hands full' comments, but I don't assume they mean I'm not coping. I DO have my hands full, and I AM busy but there is no option not to cope. No one else is going to do the shopping/housework/Toddler groups/hospital appointments etc. are they?

smokeybacon Tue 12-Jul-11 06:55:51

I get this all the time! (DS1 is 6, DS2 is 2 and the DTs are 8 months) But mostly from the grandparent generation but I don't think its meant in a nosy pitying way mostly. I just laugh and say yes I do have my hands full (well, TBH I do!) and then feel lucky to have 4 handsome, lovely boys. And yes, a bit smug too.

Its rare for us to go out, even when its just me and the DTs for us not to be stopped. My mum loves it! She is disappointed when she is not stopped. She is a very proud grandparent of twins.

EveryonesJealousOfWeasleys Tue 12-Jul-11 07:10:08

I personally am in awe of anyone who has twins (or more!) - as a mama of just the one, I feel like I have my bloody hands full already [wimp]! I reckon Geepers is prob right in terms of the intention of the comments. I salute you all! smile

TheOldestCat Tue 12-Jul-11 07:14:02

I would only give you all a glance of sheer admiration. Anyone who does give you a pitying look is an idiot.

Joycey29 Tue 12-Jul-11 07:19:09

I have three under 5 and get a similar reaction! Don t worry - my aunt has triplets and when told she must be mad by a stranger answered - no I think it s mad to approach a stranger with such a personal comment!
The stranger did apologise but my aunt says her triplets appear to give anyone the right to comment on her life!

MissyMolly Tue 12-Jul-11 17:39:06

I think having twins is almost like being a minor celebrity at times- the amount of attention you get can be silly. My boy/girl twins are 8 weeks old and I've just about got used to the 'ooh twins, one of each, how lucky, ready made family!' followed by a million questions about them. My favourite is 'are they identical?' er, no, they're a boy and a girl.
We are very proud of them and most people are lovely, but it can be abit weird when people follow you around the supermarket gawping at your babies hmm and it seeems to add time on to any outing.Although as they're so young and quite demanding food and sleep wise, I am knackered most of the time so I'm quite happy to agree that it's hard work!
The comments I found most difficult was when I was pregnant -I regularly heard 'my partner/parent's a twin- I was so worried we'd have twins but we were lucky not to.' I'd just smile and say that actually, we're really excited to be having twins and see it as a blessing!

Madlizzy Tue 12-Jul-11 17:43:57

It calms down once they're out of a pushchair. My triplets are 12 and I rarely get comments these days.

defineme Tue 12-Jul-11 17:48:30

I found the sitiuation rather reversed by the time they reach school. I have same as you op except boy girl twins.
Now they are older we're just like anyone else with 3 kids-of which there are many.
All the parents of singletons worry about friends when they start school whereas twins have a ready made one in class with them. I find mine watch far less tv and require far less attantion from me when they get home from school because it's like a play date every day when your sibling is the same age as you.
So I do get jealousy rather than sympathy now-I don't mind either to be honest as I think every family situation has it's up and down side-be it 1 child, multiples or whatever!

RobynLou Tue 12-Jul-11 17:52:27

I get tonnes of people telling me I've got my hands full - I've got a nearly 4yo and a 5mo, so actually rather easy-peasy, it's just one of those things people say for the sake of saying something, it's an alternative to talking about the weather....

superjobeespecs Tue 12-Jul-11 17:58:29

i was half disappointed when we found out this baby wasnt twins i'd convinced myself he would be smile as i told OH its just a few more dirty nappies and a bigger pram grin please dont ruin my happy dreamy version of having twins please we still have time and they run in both sides of our family so fingers crossed envy for all you multiple mummys grin

hellswelshy Wed 13-Jul-11 09:37:12

I get these comments all the time, and always have! Ive got 3 year old twin girls and they are and always have been hard work, but I dont know any different as they are my first and last!!!smile When people say things like 'double trouble' (sigh) or 'you must be busy' I just smile sweetly and agree. After all, we twin mums know that we are busy, dont really need to be told, and above all we are lucky to have our bundles of joy! Ive had many moments in fact when ive felt very smug and almost superhuman with my twin mother powers.....wink

holidays2010 Wed 13-Jul-11 11:16:42

I get really annoyed when people tell me i've got enough kids now! Who the hell are they to make such a judgment on me!? Theyre complete strangers. My OH has told me to tell them i plan to try for triplets next and walk off! :D

Who else gets asked if your twins/triplets sleep and wake at the same time? That question annoys me...also being told how lovely it is when theyre asleep...why have kids if you always pray them to be asleep?

The mums at DD1s school cant understand why im never tired and never nap and never look stressed out!...what can i say - i love my babies!

Fandangos Wed 13-Jul-11 12:36:56

Sadly, I've stopped telling people I'm expecting twins. I'm really excited and still shocked to be having them and I really try to keep a positive attitude, as at the end of the day, this is my lot and I'll be happy with it (I already have DD, 4 in Oct).

But people will ask when I'm due (I'm 36 weeks) and I say I'm not sure really, as it's twins, so could happen anytime, then the reaction is so often a wince and a comment along the lines of, "oh god, I hardly managed with 1, can't imagine having 2"! There have also been many, many "I was 'worried' I'd have twins' comments. Overall most people have laughed at my predicament, with a 'rather you than me' attitude, and that's fine to think like that, just keep it to yourself!

When I've been at friend's houses and their babies/toddlers have been kicking off, they've even said things like, "are you prepared for this, but doubled"!?

I am a sensitive soul and I shouldn't let people bring me down when I feel up, but I just don't understand what possesses people to be so negative and kind of cruel, just because they're not happy!

I'm happy to read the posts from mums of twins here, a lot of you seem to have coped well and are proud to have twins.

Hi to smokeybacon, we're eagerly waiting to put those chairs to good use!

Geepers Wed 13-Jul-11 12:41:39

Fandangos, if I were you I'd try not to assume people are being deliberately mean or nasty about your two babies. They probably just feel like they have to say something and are clumsily making conversation.

xkatyx Wed 13-Jul-11 19:30:17

I'm nearly 14 weeks and in the last 2 weeks since we announced I have heard it all. Not sure if it's hormones or not but I have started to snap back!!!

On Sunday I was out with my family mum sister hubby kids etc having a nice time and I get someone practically shouting from the other side of the room "omg u are having twins, I would literally kill myself if I were u, omg did u plan them, god I feel so sorry for you"

I just said well if u can't cope with your kids then I can see why u wouldn't be able to cope with twins and yeah we planned triplets but was unlucky this time.
I get all the "your mad" comments and "how are you going to cope"

I really do think it's rude, I think I'm a bit snappy at the moment because me and my husband are so happy after the initial shock that it annoys me when people are so negative and rude!!

holidays2010 Wed 13-Jul-11 20:49:42

I would snap too if i got those comments xkatyx!
Nice comeback though!

myself and dp think its part jealousy that causes people to make these stupid comments, but i think im going to have to start putting a few of them straight from now on...

I remember being pregnant with my first born and a women at my clinic was having twins and i thought 'oh god glad its not me' but i would never say that to look - i have twins and wouldnt change them for the world! i love it. So i also had the 'omg' thoughts (i just wasnt rude enough to say it outloud) ;)

kezlmn Mon 15-Aug-11 23:38:38

Took 5 years and 2 miscarriages to get my first child and as I'm sure you can imagine we were overjoyed. Always knew wanted more than 1 so left it to fate and had our second just 18 and half months later.We separated but got back together and decide 2 was enough for us. But before this was dealt with by my husband(snip snip) I was pregnant again! With twins! I had some lovely comments and some silly ones too... 2 of my favourites 'What were you thinking?' and 'What are you going to do?' My replies were 'Dont remember ticking a box anywhere to say yeah go on I'll have twins' and 'Well I'm gonna give it few weeks then send back the one that cries the most' I feel blessed as there were times when I thought I would never be a mum at all!
My advice- dont expect the impossible from yourself, be organised when you can!, sleep when you can(particularly in those first few weeks), accept any help thats offered and most of all enjoy cos they grow up so fast. Mine are now six, four-and-a-half and twins are two!

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