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(11 Posts)
hippy3 Fri 17-Jun-11 12:03:47

HI i desperatly need some advice, I ahve 11 week old twin boys... they were born 4.5 weeks early..anyway

we ahve just started to put them into their own cot and they HATE it. It took us over three hours to get one of them to sleep last night...the his brother woke up !! they seem to be tag teaming, the first night, finn fought us every step and eli slept the second night they did a role reversal.... We are tyring to perservere... its so difficult.... especially whe its 4 in the morning and I know that if I pu them back in with us they would settle straight away!!

How long wowuld you leave them to cry for?? At the moment I am leaving them for just a coupld f minutes... and the second that I or my DP walk into the room they stop fussing...a nd settle back down.... so I right int hinking they are just crying cause they dont want to be in there and arent used to it..... ?? how long will it take them to get used to it. ??? I know each aby is different so you might not be able to answer that question....??

Also It seems I cant leave the room...without them crying within the space of a HV said I need to leave them cry and they will learn to entertain themselves... but the one eli gets in such a tizz I hate hearing him cry.... any advice ???? I am really worried I am making things difficult for myself and also not giving them the chance to be independent..or are they too young....?? They stop crying the second I pick them up or talk to them, so that means that there isnt anything wrong with them right?? apart from the fact that they wnat to be held.....?? Is that right....

any advice on what to do because at the moement I dont know if they are too young to leave to cry or if I need to be picking them up all the time.... HELP !! X tHANKS....X

Mandy21 Fri 17-Jun-11 12:42:55

are you swaddling them? we found that helped in the early days - wrapping them up extremely tightly so that they felt quite constricted- sounds awful but they seem to much prefer it. Have you had them with you in bed upto now, or are you moving them out of moses baskets into their own cots? I think if you're moving them away from being with you, of course you can expect a fight and I'd persevere in trying to settle them - if you had your hands on their tummies or just sat in the room until they dropped off, that would be less stressful for you (and them no doubt) than leaving them to cry. Having said that, I'm not strongwilled enough to leave babies to cry at that age so I'm probably not the best person to give advice. Hopefully you'll get some better answers. Good luck, whatever you decide.

thisisyesterday Fri 17-Jun-11 12:47:35

i wouldn't leave them to cry at all. they're tiny little babies, of courwse they want to be with you and feel your warmth and the security they get from being with you.

your HV is talking crap. if they go to sleep being cuddles then do that!

my 3 were ALL cuddled/fed to sleep and they ALL stopped of their own accord when they were ready to

hippy3 Fri 17-Jun-11 13:48:21

its so hard..I do swaddle them, Although they seemt o struggle when we do that as well... they like tehir arms out so Ive been doing that with the two of them. And they have been in the bed with us for the last 11 weeks... and went to sleep no problem... its so hard to know what to do.!!They are in the cot together, and I am trying to put them into it in the day ...So they get used to it but its like they have an inbuilt soon as I move them into the bedroom they wake up and start fussing....

I must admit I am not really an advocate for letting them cry..the problem is the dreaded dummies.... as soon as it comes out of their mouth they are screaming the place down !!! Its a bloody NIGHTMARE !!!

Will see how the next few nights go..... thanks ....x

sleepybaby Fri 17-Jun-11 16:31:13

Hi hippy 3. I have 5 month old twin girls. They hated swaddling also and, from when they were tiny, always managed to get their little arms out. Finn and Eli are obviously very alert and with the programme that they know once you are back in the room and stop crying then. However they are still v small to leave crying. I found my babies loved my body heat/smell so I used find lying them on my chest and getting them v relaxed and asleep or v nearly asleep really helped get them down. As for the soother problem I sympathise totally. Are you sure you have the smallest soother possible because I introduced them at about 5 or 6 weeks and my heart was broken putting them back in. Finally I got ones with a yellow smaller teat (brer rabbit is on the front) and they could hold on to them better. I also found putting my hand on their faces when they were in their cots and trying to stop them getting v upset initially really helped in getting them to sleep. A final tip if you have them nearly asleep say on your chest but the cold of the sheet wakes them up when you put them down- I used put a hot water bottle where their head would go and heat up the spot just a little bit. When you lay them down (having removed the hw bottle obviously!) it meant they were going from the warmth of me to another little warm spot. Hope some of this helps. It really does get easier very soon. How long do they sleep when they do finally settle?

GibberingGinger Fri 17-Jun-11 16:38:38

I do sympathise, it is very difficult to know what to do for the best, especially at 4am. What you need to decide first is why are you trying to get them into their own cot? If it's because you think its the "done" thing, but secretly you are quite happy with them in with you, then bugger it, and just keep them with you. However if it's cause you and your DH want your own space and sleep better without them in your room, then it's worth persevering. Once you have made a decision on what to do, stick to it for a least a week before deciding if it's working or not.
Things that comforted my boys were a music/nightlight projector thing, and a scanky smelly muslin cloth for them to cuddle into. They don't like nice clean cloths, just the one that smells of me/them/milk. They settle really well on their tummies, but this is against advice, and it's completely up to you if you think its worth the risk. I felt the statistics on cot death were not that much worse for tummy sleepers then back sleepers, but then again would never forgive myself if something happened and I had been letting them sleep on their fronts. Maybe let them drift off on their fronts, whilst checking them regularly, and them once they are asleep shifting them onto their backs?

rattling Fri 17-Jun-11 21:04:14

Such a vague memory of that time I don't have much advice, but huge sympathy. I remember a lot of sleeping with one on my chest most nights (I'd have loved to co-sleep, but it didn't seem do-able with my 2, even very young they seemed to pile on top of each other).

I did want to just say that we cuddled to sleep as much as necessary. Magnus we did let cry it out from when he was about 9 months because that seemed to work better, but Alasdair if left would just get screamier. Now, at 2 he goes to sleep so easily, rarely waking at night. So I wouldn't worry about effects down the line.

I actually felt that "pandering" to them in the early months - if that meant they settled quickly when woken - got them in the habit of going for a long sleep at night.

But as I say - all a bit of a blur now, hope you work out what works best for your wee boys. (Fabulous names by the waygrin)

hippy3 Fri 17-Jun-11 21:20:25

ok so here is the update... SLEEPY I have to say that I have just logged into this to read the replies and I have done EXACTLY what you have said without reading any of this...and they went down tonight at 7 and didnt fuss at all !!! and are still asleep its now 9.15... which mite not seem like a long time but believe me after the last few nights this is REALLY good. They were taking 3 to 4 hurs before they would even fall asleep....!!

Typically my DP is out tonight and I know he isnt going to believe me. I put a hot water bottle onto the space where they sleep after MIL mentioned it today and read them a story a few times, they also were asleep on my chest and my DPs chest before he went out....(they sleep immediatly there) and it SEEMS to have worked.??? well at the moment at least... I will keep you posted,.... I am keeping my fingers crossed.

I am wondering if I need to out them into the cot in the day as well when they nap...although I dont really have a routine in the day for them at the moment apart from feeds every 3 and a half to 4 hours.... ? I am trying to do one thing at a time...night routine first for them to get used too and then Ill manage the days.....

Its hard work having two !!!! Oh..and Eli will pretty much sleep through on a good night until maybe 5.30...Finn on the otehr hand because he is smaller usually wakes for a feed around 3 ish...depending on how he has fed in the day..... when they were in with us we could settle them back down usually to sleep until 7 ish...8 some mornings.... but Even 5 hours straight at the moment would be brilliant !!

sleepybaby Sat 18-Jun-11 00:19:43

Delighted to hear that. Hopefully it's the start of good nights to come. Personally (and everyone is different) I didn't put them down till 12 or so at that age so kept them up really till we were going to bed and then they generally slept through till closer to normal a clock - say 6/7. Now I have brought that back to 9.30 and they generally sleep till 9. If Eli's sleeping through from 8 till 5.30 that's a fab stretch at 11 weeks.

As for routine during day I am not fussy and never put mine in cots. I find it better for my girls to not have big long sleeps during day but then they sleep through at night. I would absolutely recommend focusing on nights first. Once you get that cracked everything becomes more manageable. Honest !! I also have a 17 month old (believe me twins was a surprise!!) so we are v busy during day but are getting full nights sleep so it's all good.
Are these your first babas? The main thing I would say is trust your instinct because you are generally right !!

londonlottie Sat 18-Jun-11 16:00:37

Message withdrawn

hippy3 Sat 18-Jun-11 20:08:21

hey they are in the same cot, same end..they have a divider seperating them... as Eli has a tendancy to throw his arms around and hit finn by accident....!! they were actually really good last night, I have done the same tonight...and now I have to go as I can hear eli crying.....!! thanks for the support on here...x

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