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DD wants to be the same as me: Any top tips/good books for discussing issue?

(4 Posts)
splishsplosh Sat 23-May-09 22:45:16

Dd1 is 3.4. The other day she said to me, I'm black, and you're white mummy. I want to be the same as you.

I said things like she's special because she's a mix of daddy's colour and mummy's colour which she seemed happy with. Up til now I haven't talked about colour with her, as I didn't really want to start labelling people as this colour or that, and she regularly sees her dad's family, and mixes with kids of different colours /cultures with my friends / pre school and play groups so gets plenty of exposure to herown heritage, and others.

She's obviously got to a stage to think about things so I want to be more prepared

msdevine Sun 24-May-09 22:13:25

my dd said the same thing only a few days ago however she calls me pink and my dp dark brown.

She said why am i light brown but you are pink, i want to be pink like you. Then next day she said she wants to be as dark as daddy and have no hair like him.

My dd is has just turned 4 and she is the same as yours sees her dads family on a reg. she is very much in touch with her culture on both sides and loves it.

I think there is an age where they start to think about it and maybe someone at nursery mentions something.

my oppinion is just not to make a big deal out of it. What you have said is great it is exactly what i said 'you were made by mummy and daddy and all children are a mix of there mummies and daddies'

I have done my upmost to make sure my dc have no problems about their identity through things they see around them. reading is the thing they do most so their book shelfs are full of books with people who look like them, and people from other places too, as i want them to see how many people and places there are out there, and how we should be accepting and caring too one another.

I would never buy a princess dress with a white princess stuck on to the front of it or buy her a hannah montanah outfit because that would just be setting my dd up to want to be something she can never be.....and why should she want to be, she is stunning and I tell her this every day.

I think as long as you have already set her up with feeling secure about who she is then this will not be a big issue.

There is this book that is about a mixed white/black child who gets upset at the park because no one believes her mummy is hers because they dont look alike, I chose not to get that one as its not an issue she has faced and why raise the concern if its not there. But there are heaps of books you can get online hundereds infact that will give her a stronger feel of her identity.

Its no wonder our little girls feel like this as every toy shop you walk into white faces are everywhere white dolls, white faces in books, white play models to go with every kind of toy.

It Bloody annoys the hell out of me that just to get stuff for my dc to play with which they can also see people who look like them in i have to go online. anyway sorry i will not go on about that because i will never stop.

Good luck with your dd.xx

Tash75 Thu 22-Oct-09 23:47:01

I talk to my 3 year old dd about all the other things we have in common - the things we like doing, people we love, etc. She likes that, she's very into being 'the same' as me at the mo, although hasn't particularly talked about wanting to look the same.
Hope that helps

franch Wed 04-Nov-09 21:29:04

Have a look at this thread, splish.

I agree emphasising similarities is useful at this stage, as well as, as you say, celebrating her 'specialness'.

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