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Black men and white women

(18 Posts)
franch Wed 16-Feb-05 13:26:12

Thought this from the current Mixed Media Watch newsletter might be of interest:

CVK, January 06, 2005
Ugh. I don’t even know where to start with this one. A columnist on the Electronic Urban Report has written an opinion piece called “Black Women–The Dead Breed?” It’s the typical “not that I’m against black men dating outside their race, but...” article, only this one is on OVERDRIVE.

“This is not to imply that it is wrong to be attracted to and/or fall in love with a person of a different race. I’m all for colorblind love. It does, however, become an issue for our communities when so many of us pass it off as preference, not realizing that in its trendiness, interracial relationships become much deeper than mere preference. I often hear lots of brothers attempting to justify their mixed mating with that cliched excuse that all black women have bad attitudes and are gold-diggers. Lorena Bobbitt, a white woman, had an attitude when she chopped off her husband’s penis. Clara Harris, another white woman, had an attitude when she used her husband as a speed bump, rolling over him repeatedly in her Benz. Then there’s the HMIC (Head Mexican In Charge) of gold-digging, Vanessa Bryant. Any woman who’s able to get a $4 million ring out of her man either is married to a damn fool or is a well-trained gold-digger. In her case, it’s both.

So the worn-out excuses are nothing more than cow manure roasting in the hot sun. Could the real reason for some of these unions be that these women are considered passive and more easily controlled than Black women are? I recently got an email with a picture of a white lady sucking on some brother’s callused, bunioned feet. Dude’s feet were so crusty, hot coals miraculously grew legs and started running when they saw him coming. I’d like to think that the photo was the occasional email fluke and that no woman- white, black or otherwise could be that docile. On the other hand, there’s the strong probability that the attraction between brothers and white women has to do with the forbidden fruit theory. As with anything that is forbidden, we’d give anything to have it.”

Columnist Carlandrea is quick to criticize the “hateful myths” perpetuated by the media about black women being “neck-rolling, sharp-tongued, multi-colored hair coons or the simple video whore worthy of a quick lay but never a commitment.” But she shows NO HESITATION whatsoever in perpetuating racial stereotypes about other women. “Head Mexican In Charge”? Passive and easily-controlled white women? And then to top it all off, she seems to suggest that interracial relationships are ok only if the non-black partner is a hottie:

"But if brothers are going to date outside the race, they should at least strive for the best of the bunch...a Catherine Zeta-Jones or Charlize Theron type. So many of them come back to the hood with Roseanne or Ally McBeal on their arms looking all proud, cheesing like chesscats, not realizing that nobody is really impressed. Trust me, if I date white, the guy is going to be straight up eye candy, I’m talking a Brad Pitt clone from head to toe."

givenupforlent Wed 16-Feb-05 13:38:39

Surely beauty is in the eye of the beholder plus of course it only runs skin deep - What a load of shite.

Presumably a black guy who dates/marries a white woman isnt after credibility - he's a guy first and foremost and has bonded with someone he likes!

franch Wed 16-Feb-05 13:41:28

Sad, isn't it? 8 years on, with one child and another on the way, DH and I are still in it for, what, the "trendiness"?

Poshpaws Wed 16-Feb-05 13:45:16

Yawn - I really hate articles like this. They always seem to assume that there has to be some hidden agenda as to why someone 'dates outside of their race', as they so quaintly put it.

In all my times of reading Black newspapers and magazines, be the British or American, they never seem to understand the concept of a person meeting another person, fancying them and then dating them, irrespective of the colour of their skin . They assume that their readership is not sophisticated enough to understand that.

KateandtheGirls Wed 16-Feb-05 13:45:40

Yawn is right.

Caligula Wed 16-Feb-05 13:50:01

Very badly written article, if I may say so. It's not saying anything new, and it's saying it badly. Full of cliche's and sterreotypes without any real attempt to examine the subject properly. Yawn indeed.

Gwenick Wed 16-Feb-05 14:00:13

My goodnesss that could have been something written by Mugabe himself! He was recently quoted as saying about Condeleeza Rice (sp) after describing her as a girl born out of slave ancestry that she should know that "the white man is not a friend"!!!!

I met and married my DH while living in Zimbabwe, I had heard ONE negative comment my whole time there about mixed race relationships - yet when we came back to the UK they seem to be everywhere? Is just me me that thinks the countries such as the US and UK seem to be going 'backwards' about these things while the countries that 'should' be having issues about such things are making slow but steady progress forward???

sallystrawberry Wed 16-Feb-05 14:51:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

franch Fri 11-Mar-05 13:42:08

Here we go again - today's Guardian. Aagh!!!

Caligula Fri 11-Mar-05 13:53:53

At least that one's better written!

But really, what do these people who object to "mixed" relationships want? The basic objection appears to be that we are living in a multi-racial, multi-cultural society and so multi-racial relationships happen. Well, what do they want? Segregation?

He makes a lot of interesting and valid points, but it's more than a little objectionable to imply that men who love white women do so because there's something psychologically wrong with them. Does he believe in a multi-racial society or not? And if he does, he must accept that relationships in such a society are sometimes going to be, er... multi-racial!

tarantula Fri 11-Mar-05 14:12:16

And what of the family pressure to marry within your own race/culture which many of my young asian friends have experienced? Surely this is a major factor why many young asian marry within their own community and religion. Certainly was for most of my friends. (so am talking from a purely from my own experience and not got any figures to back it up)

Gwenick Fri 11-Mar-05 14:15:28

not only the race/culture thing - but many families are uneasy about marrying someone of a different religion. "generally" speaking a lot of Asians will be muslims, sikh or hindu - whereas the 'majority' of blacks/whites are either secular or Christian based religions (IKYWIM?) that makes black/white marriage much 'easier' than white/asian or even asian/black as there's one less 'issue' to deal with

Does any of that make sense???

tarantula Fri 11-Mar-05 14:24:51

Makes sense to me Gwenick.

4kids Fri 11-Mar-05 17:12:18

What does this guy expect we are all living in multi-culteral societies of course people are going to date diffo races .if we all stuck 2 our own then there would be complaints of every one being predjudice because of not mixing with other races you cant win. My dp who is black is not with me cos i'm white nor does he feel theres any thing wrong with black women we are of diffo religions he's catholic i'm C/E but we still love each other regardless of colour & religion . Would anybody complain if a west indian went out with a african NO because they would be both black but they are still of diffo races . This pope guy or whatever his name is should get something better to write about (& i'm danm sure if a white woman offered it to him on a plate he would jump at it) & loose that chip on his shoulder & leave all those people in mixed relationships to get on with it .Theres plenty of people 4 every one & any way we are all the same inside we are all human regardless of race,colour & religion so whats the problem .its people with views like his that mess peoples heads a young person reading the rubbish he writes can easily be swayed into thinking that dating outside your race is wrong .Its not a race thing its a colour thing you can have two white people together but who can be of diffo races but thats o.k is it as long as ones not darker than the other. sorry 2 rant on but this type of prejudice gets right up my nose.

yingers74 Mon 14-Mar-05 15:35:59

I read a similar articule about some parts of the orthodox jewish community trying to prevent 'marrying out', they did not even welcome outsiders willing to convert. We live in a multiracial society/world and the sooner people get over it, the better.

Blu Mon 14-Mar-05 16:10:40

I think (if I remember rightly) that there is a particularly difficult resonance over black men seeking white partners which relates back to a particular work by one of the main engineers of slavery. It detailed exactly how to use issues of skin colour to divide and rule amongst enslaved people, and undermine, amongst the slaves, the idea that black skin / black women were beautiful. They instilled a hierarchy based on lighter or darker skin....and a legacy which some people feel black people are still addressing. I will try and remember the name of the writer and his unspeakable pamphlet.

PinkArjuna Fri 01-Apr-05 19:01:55

wow! My sister is vietnamese and lives with a lovely half indian guy. I'm black and basically am interested in anyone I click with regardless of colour. From a multi racial family You have no stigma and will see anyone you click with. These articals really annoy me Though I do get rather heated about 'black hair'

PinkArjuna Fri 01-Apr-05 19:05:21

Blu I think I remember something like that artical you were talking about. Do you remember the cotton club used to hold up brown paper bags and if you were lighter or the same tone as the bag you could go into the club and if you were darker you were sent away? Often mixed raced people worked within the house in the slave plantations because they were the children of the slavers themselves and had priveledges. Though there was alot of shame attached to the fact that prominant political men had relations with their slave workers. built up a whole hierachy...

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