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Mixed race dd and my family member is racist...

(13 Posts)
mamachat Sun 20-Jul-08 23:27:14

My dd's dad is mixed race half black half white. I am white so dd looks white but had still got black in her so is mixed race...

My sister makes comments like well she passes for white and stupid things like that... And other nasty comments about black people which I will not mention.

My sister gets on with dp who is mixed race, so I can't tell him what she has said as it will cause problems..

I never say much about her views on race etc as try to avoid the subject as I know it will cause a massive argument and I will probably stop talking to her as she will not keep her big stupid ignorant mouth shut.

As she knows dp and dd are mixed race I really feel she should be careful about what she says around me as she knows I don't like her racist attitude...

It really makes me mad..

DeeRiguer Sun 20-Jul-08 23:33:28

i think youshould speak up..when she says it next..say what you think! if she is making racist comments i would be wary and make her aware that this is unacceptable to all your family..
dont let your dc hear such shite, nip it in the bud...

BetteNoire Sun 20-Jul-08 23:35:44

I would speak to your sister about it.
How appalling for an aunty to say hurtful things about her little niece.sad

AbricotsSecs Sun 20-Jul-08 23:37:09

Message withdrawn

mamachat Sun 20-Jul-08 23:38:29

i kno but as we were around other people at the time i didn't say anything as my friend was there and I did not want to cause a scene...

I did say to her that she should not be living in london with an attitude like that and maybe she should move else where, where there ae no black people...

mamachat Sun 20-Jul-08 23:40:33

i am starting to feel that as much as she says she loves my dd, i don't really want her around someone with those kind of views...

TBH most of my family have got shitty views like that so I would probably fall out with all of them if I took offensive every time they made a stupid comment like that...

MsHighwater Sun 20-Jul-08 23:42:22

You must challenge her about it. You might not change her views but at least it might cause her to stop making offensive comments.

mamachat Sun 20-Jul-08 23:45:45

yes i know, i am anoyed that i didn't say more but as there were other people there I didn't bother...

I really will next time tho..

But as she is my older sister I expect her to have more sense then talking that kind of rubbish around me

mamachat Sun 20-Jul-08 23:45:45

yes i know, i am anoyed that i didn't say more but as there were other people there I didn't bother...

I really will next time tho..

But as she is my older sister I expect her to have more sense then talking that kind of rubbish around me

sallystrawberry Sun 20-Jul-08 23:49:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mamachat Sun 20-Jul-08 23:57:01

Oh no my dd is way more important than anyone else, I'm not sure if the reason I didn't bother is because I was not really suprised with her attitude, but yes i do need to address this...

savoycabbage Mon 21-Jul-08 11:35:28

you absolutely have to speak to her! It has happened to me at toddler groups etc where people have said how happy I must be that dd2 is not very dark and isn't as curly as my first dd and I just want to punch them.

Your dd will pick up on it eventually so you have to stop it. I think it's important to make our mixed race children feel good about themselves and their appearance in a country where most birthday cards and books are plastered with blonde princesses.

huggymummy Thu 24-Jul-08 22:37:19

Hi mama

Tackle her gently about it - is she trying to wind you up or being really unthinking.

Views are unacceptable but as a mixed race person myself (different background but also passes very much as European or middle eastern) I found the asian side of my family viewed me with mixed admiration and horror - good behaviour all theirs - smoking and drinking my 'white' side - and guess what - didn't affect me much but made me feel different (and proud of it) BUT it did make my parents feel pretty bad.

Tackle her now - make it clear that her comments already affect your child's father and will affect your child and that she needs to be an adult and either think before she speaks (if being a genuinely unthinking) or if she cannot control her comments make it clear that your responsibility is to protect your child from racial abuse and she'll have to stay away. She might react by feeling ashamed and shape up - she needs to.

Your child is key here. And I'm with Sally strawberry in that parents need to side with their little ones - my mum let her family say some appalling things and I sometimes felt she should have told them straight up to behave like role models.

I hope this can be rectified for you.

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