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anyone english with a bengali husband?

(140 Posts)
3kidsisquiteenuff Fri 11-Apr-08 11:41:59

hi just wanting to chat with any other mums with mixed race kids and all the challenges it brings

salmaahmed Thu 06-Apr-17 05:17:37

Hi I'm Bengali and il be totally honest it all depends on his family and how they are, just know the Bengali society can be very judgemental at times but Islamically you've done NOTHING wrong just keep that in mind if things ever get tough. I'm married to a East African man and have a 2 month old son so you can imagine the looks I get from the sasas down the road!!!

Babycake786 Thu 26-Jan-17 23:44:51

Sorry i am
Adding to this convo so late but maybe you guys will understand.

I just wanted some advice as i feel like this topic is costing me my mental and pysical health and the well being of my kids as latley i am always miserable.

Long story short, i live in london with my husband who is british bangladeshi
And my 3 kids.

I am british indian and converted to islam but dont really practice it anymore.

My hubby has 5 other siblings living in other parts of the uk too.

We finally managed to afford a 3bedroom house a few years ago but now he is saying we need to buy a bigger 4 bedroom house incase his parents come to stay now and then.

I think its ridiculous to buy a new house for the sake of them staying for a short holiday now and then. If it was full time Then i would totally understand but its not.

I dont see any of his siblings buying a new house and they all also have 3 kids each!

I dont dislike them but its not easy as they never eat when i cook, leave me out of stuff and are very old fashioned in comparison to me and my kids.
All their other DIL are bangladeshi like them too.

Am i being ott?
Like why are we the ones having to go through this?
If they need to stay wouldnt it be fairer if all of the siblings shared the load?
Please help as this is probably gonna make or break the rest of our relationship as he has never mentioned this before! X

Graodon Sat 10-Sep-16 10:23:24

Not English or a mother. But I stumbled upon this website and saw this conversation.

One thing to note, if you wanna live happily with a Bangladeshi, confirm with him/her that they keep distance from their extended family. That's one of the worst thing about our country is that they are greedy a**holes and don't care at all. Don't change yourself for your mother in law's comfort either.

If your husband or wife loves you, they'll accept you your way, not your MIL's way.

And for the last question, don't make the children stay with grandparents from birth. They'll pick up bad habits from their old thinking. Raise your child the way you want and then take them to visit the grandparents so they aren't badly influenced.

Sorry for the interruption

negomiWtoB1 Tue 12-Jul-16 23:33:59


I'm just wondering whether this thread is still being read, given the last post on it was 8 years ago? I'm new to mumsnet. I'm English / British / European (?) with a (West) Bengali husband, and we're expecting our first child in a few months. I have some questions about when we invite his parents to stay with us in the UK - before the birth, right after, or a few weeks after?


Ayshabegum1432 Sat 18-Jun-16 02:38:22

Hello I been married to a Bangladeshi for 15 years when to Bangladesh for 7 months

abul Sun 03-Jan-16 13:35:57

I am a mane from Bangladesh i like fun dating

ferdaus Fri 12-Jun-15 05:02:57

Hi to all Mums in association with Sylheti DH
To learn Sylheti, you can Google "learn sylheti language"
The results will lead you some where.
Just to add "Sylheti" dialect is mostly pronunciation difference. One of the pronunciation is that in Sylheti the letter "K" is pronunced as "Kh" with the tongue touching the upper mouth in the inner side. Like that of "Pushto" language of Pathans

Ilikesponge123 Sat 18-Apr-15 22:26:09

Is this thread still active?
I'm a white Muslim who has a bengali husband and we have been married 2 yrs this year we have a beautiful daughter of 10 months. I also know alot of bangla and still keen to learn, we are both 21

Mehedismum Tue 03-Mar-15 23:58:33

Hi I am married to a Bengali man also. We have been together 12years, married 8 years, and have 2 boys 1 and 5. I have been to Bangladesh many times lived in the village with his parents and brothers And loads of extended family. I have learnt to speak bangla from being there so much and we hope to settle over there in future.would be great to chat with people in a similar boat.

Lulu3108 Mon 01-Dec-14 00:34:50

My cousin's Bengali family were more accepting than my bf punjabi sikh family who are 3rd generation Brit born smoke drink not religious... It's mad.

Lulu3108 Mon 01-Dec-14 00:33:33

Hi I am with a punjabi sikh born here, I understand a lot of posts on here as it's very hard work with MIL.... My cousin was married to a Bengali man born here for 15 years she had to completely convert change her name everything but was fully accepted. Isn't easy though x

heatherboo22 Mon 24-Nov-14 23:34:57

I'm married to Bengali man and the situation with his family is slowly crushing my soul, anyone who can support please private message, much appreciated....

HiHopes2014 Fri 29-Aug-14 17:28:54

Hi is this thread still running?

wheatville Sat 19-Apr-14 20:42:39

Hello there, I too am very interested in learning Sylheti. I am an English male and my partner is Bengali and she, along with he family, all speak it. I've read that some consider it almost a dead language and literature is very hard to come by. I'm sure I'll pick things up by ear but I want to learn it much faster. I'm struggling to find any good online resources and would be grateful for any advice that's out there.

razob Fri 21-Mar-14 02:04:15

hy I like to kno u if ur interesting massage me ur number to contact u and more after get to kno u

bengalimuslim28 Sun 17-Nov-13 21:28:35

Hi All, so relieved to have found a post like this.

Im bengali 28 my older sister married a white guy and they did NOT take it well at all. Its my turn to marry and because I haven't chosen a bengali I don't know what extent they will go to stop me from marrying the guy i want to who happens to be indian but his family only speaks english

How did you ladies that married into bengali families learn bengali - how long did it take you to learn it.

I'm under so much stress because of what my older sister did they expect me to save them and marry a bengali to save face but that wouldn't make me happy. .... I'm so desperate I have even got to the point where i potentially might agree to marrying a freshie guy from bangladesh and divorce him i don't think I can put myself through the wife duties or have any sexual relations with him. i've even gone as far as looking for a gay bengali to do a social cover up for a little while to let me get away from my family.

Running away isn't an option - are there any bengali girls that married out of bengali culture how did you cope with this?

hellopeople721 Fri 16-Aug-13 07:36:32

hi everyone, I am not English but im half Bangladeshi (father), and my other half is Salvadorian(Mother). I am part Hispanic have Spaniard and mayan ancestry . My fathers family descend more from the Aryans but it is unknown of where exactly my ancestors came from they definetly were arab but maybe came from Persian lands and mixed with dravidians. I was born and raised in New Jersey. My name is Arabic because I am Muslim . I have a gift I can pass as many origins in the world. I can look like any Hispanic country even non countries including Guayanese and Brazilian, I can look Italian and Greek, also I can look Arab when I have the beard of any kind including Persian. But there will always be people who see a Bengali boy, for some preference. but at the end of the day there will be some people who cant tell where I am from. I was born light and for a period of my life I was brown and then black or I can turn red. When I was in California I turned orange hahha. but when the winter comes I go back to being light. but usually people tell me I have the skin tone of a dark Hispanic. but in the end I realized there are people who are Bengali or desi that can pass as a Hispanic and there are people who are Hispanic that can pass as a Desi hahahahaha we are all same in the end.

Sweetsandchocolate Wed 24-Jul-13 23:48:29

I'm like your wife, my DH like you. all 3 of my DC have brown eyes and dark brown hair. their skin tones vary depending on the season. my eldest goes really dark in the sun with factor 50 on whereas my middle gets a Mediterranean like tan in the sun and is quite pale in the winter. my youngest is only 4 mths old so don't know yet? Lol I get jealous! they are all so beautiful mashallah

Humblehusband Sun 21-Jul-13 23:58:08

Hi, this is for anyone who has a husband who is bengali and white wife. I have a girlfriend who is polish that I am marrying. She is very beautiful and has fair skin. I'm bengali and I have quite asian dark skin. What colour skin will my son or daughter have. Is it possible that they will also be fair.

Bambi21 Thu 04-Apr-13 00:34:43

Hi. Not sure if anyone is actually still using this thread. But I need some advise!
I have been with a muslim British born Bengali guy for 6 years and he has spoken about marriage and children and our life together for about 5years now we are both only 22/23, I was introduced to his family a 4years ago but as his sisters friend. I am very close friends with his sister but his mama still thinks I am just sisters friend, his other brothers/sisters know I am with their brother but his older sister pretends she doesn't know. I am wanting to move forward with our life together as we cannot live together until we are married! But I feel the strain on our relationship as normal relationships the guys parents know u as the girlfriend! I love my boyfriend more than he could imagine and would do anything to have a "normal" relationship with him as he is all I want, when I bring this up he gets a little annoyed and says he told me it would be hard and take a while, I think maybe its taking a little to long now and I am giving up hope of a serious relationship with him as it is causing me to be mad with him and argue over stupid little things and I hate myself for being this way!
Could anybody please give me some help,
My family love him but are not aware his mama doesn't know he is with me as Ino they would not understand as my friends don't they are all with white partners and have children or engaged and don't understand the cultural differences.
Please if someone could offer me any advise I would be so grateful! Thanks

Hawa12 Mon 04-Mar-13 18:41:25

Hi, really interesting thread. Wonder if there are any grandchildren from a Bangladeshi and English marriage? My Dad is mixed race (Bangladeshi Dad and English mum) and both my Dad and us kids have had trouble all our lives because of this; solely from the Bangladeshi community. I can relate to everyone here from both perspectives. It saddens me that generations down the line, my MIL still thinks of me as a half breed!

IslamInMyHeart Fri 04-Jan-13 02:27:29

It's a pity that a lot of the sisters are going through all this sad
Really saddens me, I won't tell any sob stories or nothing but pray that Allah keeps you happy, inshaAllah... Keep me and my family ya3ni the whole Ummah in your duuas, walaykumasalaam.

sandeb Sat 11-Aug-12 10:01:43

Hey I am thinking of marrying my american gf, can someone chat with me regarding their relationship with in a mixed marriage/relationship? Just want advice. Thanks, I am bengali.

bristol26 Fri 29-Jun-12 20:20:57

I am a british bengali (my parents are both from bangladesh and I was born and brought up here). My husband is from bangladesh (he was brought to this country at the age of 6 by his uncle and was raised by his uncle and aunt)
I always new my parents would want me to marry a bengali therefore I only dated bengali boys as I new there would be no point in dating other guys as I would not want in to lead to something serious. I met my husband when I was 20 and dated for few years then finally got married. After being married to him now for 5 years I cannot believe some of the things I have seen and heard!! I feel so sorry for my poor husband,his parents have sent him here for the sole purpose of making him work like a dog and just to send them money. Money is all they care about! They call all the time and emotionally blackmail him for money,not only does he support them in bangladesh but he also support 3 of his uncles and their wives and children in bangladesh!! After I got married we went to bangladesh to visit his parents,I was astonished to see that they lived in a large house,they have cleaning ladies and chauffeurs that drive them around!!!
Me and my husband live here in a small 2 bed house with our 2 children we a tight for space but cannot afford anything larger. His parents and other members of his family constantly nag him telling him to lie about our income and move to a council flat!! For the sole purpose of providing them with more money! I am angry and upset as we don't have enough money for ourselves and me and my husband always argue about money. His parents attempt to run our lives from another country! He has male relatives who have come to this country on student visas with no intention to study,they try to target vulnerable women ie women who are divorced with children and have low self esteem or generally unattractive older ladies,they manipulate them into thinking they love them then marry them for a british passport or indefinite leave to stay here so that they can work and send money to bangladesh. They usually divorce these ladies once they have what they want. I think this is disgusting!! I am ashamed of bengali way of life and their way of thinking I don't know why anyone who is not a bengali would want to marry a bengali person with ties in bangladesh!
His parents do not care that he works long hours to support them. I do not work as my children are very young. On one occasion I overheard my sister in law speaking to my husband saying how come your wife can't work as she is educated and has a degree so she should be able to get a well paid job so then you can send more money back home. This infuriated me!! How dare she tell me to get a job so that her parents can sit on their fat asses and not only take my husbands income but indirectly take mine also.
I love my husband but sometimes I get frustrated that he puts us second and does not spend more money on us rather than his family in bangladesh. Sometimes I feel I want to leave him as I think I would be able to provide better for myself and kids all on my own as I no I can get a good job with a fat salary as I had one before but gave it up before I got married.

Difficulttimes1987 Mon 31-Oct-11 11:55:28

Hi everyone. Im white and English, i have a 2 year old daughter from my previous relationship and she is mixed race namibian/english. So i am now a single mum. I have been with my new boyfriend who is bengali for just over one year now, my family have met him and accepts him for him but his family dont even know about me yet! i am at a stage now where i feel like i really want to settle down and think about marriage/family. What do i need to do or say or be for his family to accept me? Me and him are just perfect for eachother and are completly in love, i can see a beautifull future with him but it causes me a lot of depression and anxiety to think that he could just leave me for a bengali girl because that is what his parents would want?

Can anyone give me any advice????

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