Talking about racism

[Coka]

With everything that is going on it's got me wondering how and when I should start talking about racism to my daughter (6) who is mixed-race. I know it should usually be the parent who has experienced racism themselves that should talk about it but my asian partner has never lived as a minority and I myself am white. What is the best way to approach the topic?

[biglittlemedium]

Do you have to at this age? She’s so young and it might make her worry unnecessarily. I might wait until she was a little bit older.

[Lordfrontpaw]

Maybe discuss the news in a kiddy way (maybe the Week Kids covers it?) and explain that some people are arseholes silly and treat others badly on the basis of skin colour /race/religion/sex etc. I suppose you don’t want to scare her but she ought to have a response if someone starts.

[Coka]

That's what I think too, but reading another thread on here and hearing about all the racist encounters posters had as children has made me rethink and wonder what other parents are doing . I'm sure there are child friendly ways to mention the subject but not relate it to her at this point. I wouldn't want her to worry at this age like you say.

I guess just working on confidence and self identity is best for now.

But I'm interested to hear from others.

[Lordfrontpaw]

I think first news will cover it on a child friendly way.

We didn’t egg it with DS. He only (so far) has come across this when he was in year 5 (Indian boy) and year 8 (Chinese boy).

Both times he marched up to a teacher, declared it to be racism, and told the teachers it was not on and if they didn’t stamp on it he would speak to the head. He is quite pally with the y8 boy these days.

[BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup]

Sorry all you white people on here telling the OP she shouldn't talk about racism to her 6-year-old daughter but you are completely wrong.

If you start talking to your non-white colleagues and acquaintances brought up in the UK you will find many had their first experiences of racism as infant school-aged children. This racism includes stereotypes which some people view as positive like because you are x you must be good at y.

The simple way to start is when a child asks you about a news story e.g. the protests you explain the story and why the police target people who are black. Then tell them that some people in authority including at school treat people differently because of their skin colour and those people are idiots.

You also need to do this with sexism and other sorts of discrimination with your child.

Then as they get older you explain in more detail.

Oh and as a white parent of mixed-ethnicity children, you have either been lucky so far or actually not noticed that a minority of people treat you slightly differently when you are with your children. My DP has a white child and a mixed-ethnicity child so he can easily see how people treat him differently when he's with them.

[Dyrne]

Would any of these books help OP? Sorry I have no experience of these myself (don’t have children yet). Some of them are aimed at white children to open up their worldview but others seem to be a gentle way of starting the topic of how you may be treated differently because of the way you look, and how to tackle that.

www.embracerace.org/resources/26-childrens-books-to-support-conversations-on-race-racism-resistance

[Coka]

BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup thank you for your reply. Actualy I have noticed the way some people speak to my child, it's very hard to explain as a white person....she is complimented a lot, too much for comfort, and in a way that is very "othering" and doesn't feel genuine. I think I need to just cut people like that out and not see them. That is so sad about your DP and his children.

The other side of the coin I also feel that people from her dad's country are ingraining into her that she is better than other children because she is whiter.

I feel sad for her sometimes that she may feel unaccepted by both cultures.

Lordfrontpaw your son sounds ace! I hope my daughter can be as confident! Unfortunately she seems a little unsure of where she belongs or who she is and I think it is because she is always treated differently even aged 6.

Its definitely something I need to address better so thanks for the replies.

I'm hoping to hear people who feel a similar way. Or maybe grew up feeling that way .