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MIL made racist comments about me and baby(8 Posts)
I am white and my partner is black and we have a 7 month old baby. We live a 3 hour train journey away from my partner's parents and they have never come to visit the baby. Last night my partner called his mother and offered to pay for train tickets for her and his dad to come and visit us to meet the baby and she basically responded with a series of racist comments towards me and the baby. I won't repeat what was said but the upshot of it is that by having a baby with a white woman he has tainted their bloodline and they refuse to accept a mixed race child as part of their family and they want nothing to do with him. I expected my son would experience some racism throughout the course of his life but I never expected it to come from family and I'm really upset and disappointed. Obviously we won't be having contact with my partner's parents anymore and its sad that my son will never know his grandparents but I'm struggling to process this situation and it's really getting me down. Has anyone else ever had a similar situation? How do you explain to your child that their grandparents don't want to see them becuase of the colour of their skin?
It’s not that they don’t want to see him because of the colour of his skin though, it’s because they are awful people and it’s better that they aren’t in your life
One positive is that thanks to their bigotry being so obvious you dont have to put up with years of being treated badly or wondering why they are Being awful - you know now so you can try to move on with your lives without them in it.
What does your partner say about it?
I'm so sorry what was she like when you were pregnant?
I'm not really aware of what was said during the pregnancy. I have no contact with her anyway due to the language barrier so it's my partner that always speaks to her although they don't speak often. He mentioned that his parents weren't happy about the pregnancy as we aren't cmarried but if any comments were made about race he didn't mention it to me.
His parents have always been keen for him to settle down with a girl from his own culture and we knew they weren't happy about our relationship but my partner thought that they would respect his choices and he definitely didn't expect them to reject their grandchild. He's disappointed about it but says that he's actually not that surprised.
Marinetta based on your update, it's unlikely you will be able to change their prejudice and bigoted attitude. Your partner has the right mindset. Although it's hurtful, the problem is them, not you or your child, and the loss is entirely theirs.
Think of it this way, if you tried to forge a relationship with them for the sake of your DC, they would probably grow up with horrible feelings of not being good enough for their grandparents. You can have a clean break and your son can have a happy childhood free from poisonous relatives
I am so sorry that you and your innocent child have had to endure the cold blooded racist attitude from someone who should know better. I totally understand why you want to keep your family safe and away from the racist MIL but the loss is hers to endure from now on.
I always remind myself that every person in the world, regardless of race, creed, skin colour or belief just wants to be accepted, to be ourselves, to be safe, happy, healthy and loved so we all want the same things really.
All blood is red and every child is precious but unfortunately some people have to learn that the hard way.
I find it truly heartbreaking that they can't see past their own bigotry and enjoy their grandson.
But on the upside he won't be missing out on anything in regards to a relationship with them.