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dealing with questions re: skin colour

(11 Posts)
kalidasa Fri 13-Nov-15 15:33:06

DS2 (9 months) is much darker skinned than either me, DH or DS1, and his skin tone is noticeably darkening at the moment. The difference between him and his brother (but also he and I, and to a lesser extent with his Dad) is already quite marked and in the last few weeks I've noticed that new people keep commenting on it, with varying degrees of tact! (For instance asking me "where is his Dad from?" if DH isn't with us; or making comments about him looking "exotic"!) Has anyone developed any good ways for dealing with this? He's too little to understand but he won't be for long, and DS1's ears are always wide open - he seems to take everything in (he's nearly 3). (DS1 looks totally different which I think is partly why people comment.)

ZoeConnor85 Fri 13-Nov-15 15:46:52

If you think the person in question is hinting that your sons might have different fathers id tell them to fuck off!

NKFell Fri 13-Nov-15 15:50:54

So are you all the same ethnicity?

I'm asking because before I can give my opinion (other than telling people to mind their own!) I need to know.

I have 3 children all with the same white Dad (I'm black) but DS1 has darker skin but white features whereas DD has lighter skin but more black features. People do tend to comment and I just smile and say wistfully "it's just the they've mixed I guess!".

kalidasa Fri 13-Nov-15 16:00:39

NKFell DH and I both look white (though he looks more 'Mediterranean' than me - he's from another European country). My grandfather, though, was from a mixed-race (Anglo-Indian) community in India; and DH's family history is also quite mixed/uncertain - certainly a lot of Russian and Sephardic Jewish. I'd say DS2's skin tone and features look much more Asian than any of the rest of us, though his eyes look more East Asian than Indian (I think this comes from my MIL who has lovely eyes like that, probably from Russian family).

Basically he just looks quite different!

HairyLittleCarrot Fri 13-Nov-15 16:05:52

People sometimes comment upon our family, but always in a complimentary way:DH is mixed race, I am a ginger-haired, freckly, blue-eyed white skinned lass, and we have one child with tanned skin, dark brown eyes and hair but my build and features, and one with fair skin, blonde hair, hazel eyes.

We look like a Benetton advert. I glory in our differences and in the lovely genetic mix we have. It makes me smile.

Madblondedog Fri 13-Nov-15 16:08:16

From your description he sounds like a right cutey <not helpful>

NKFell Fri 13-Nov-15 18:13:11

Ah OK well yes you'll just have to join the club and get used to it- it's just the way he is and he sounds gorgeous! grin

I get told all the time how my son looks nothing like me but, his Dad is blonde and blue eyed so the opposite of me!

My advice is just don't worry about it, when everyone mixes all sorts of beautiful and random creations can occur! I know it doesn;t sound helpful when it's obviously bugging you but, other than tell people to mind their own you'll have to join me and say "it's just the way he is, and he's gorgeous!"

kalidasa Sun 15-Nov-15 11:25:05

Thanks everyone! zoe I hadn't thought of that but I don't think that's what anyone has been getting at. I hope not!

He is a gorgeous baby I have to admit!

I just want to make sure we are handling these questions/comments in a good way so that the children don't feel self-conscious about it as they grow up. Funnily enough I only found out about my grandfather quite recently (a few years ago).

ZoeConnor85 Sun 15-Nov-15 16:17:04

My niece is mixed race and is only a few weeks younger than my daughter, ive taken them out together and had people give me funny looks. One old lady muttered under her breath in a cafe 'well they've obviously got different dads'
She didn't think I'd heard and as I left I bent down to the table where the kids couldn't hear and said 'not that it's any of yours but they've for different fucking mothers too so keep your opinions to yourself!'

truthwithin Tue 26-Jan-16 01:40:37

I don't think your true friends would question it and strangers should eff off and mind their own.

My Dd has blue eyes and dark blonde hair. My Ds had super blonde ringlets till 4 yrs. People thought I was the nanny.

Genetics are unpredictable, that's just the way it is, your child is perfect to you. So who cares?

Atenco Tue 26-Jan-16 03:13:54

Oh, I'm blonde and blue-eyed but my dd came out looking like her Mexican father. I kept the document from her birth because, sure enough, quite a few people assumed I had adopted or stolen her.

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