I'm White/British, Partner Nigerian(8 Posts)
Hiya . Is there anyone else with a Nigerian man? Do you ever struggle with any cultural differences?? I've been with my fiancé for two years and we have a 17month old and a 9 week old x
I'm sure other folks on here will but this area is always quite quiet so you might be better off posting somewhere else like Relationships.
Also, I'm sure other people will relate with cultural differences
I am. I find thier parenting style can be quite different. My dh was also hands off to begin with. But seeing as his family all have nannies and the dads do nothing i can ser why he thought that way. Took him a while to get used to being so hands on but hes a great dad.
I love the differences in cultures and that my lo will be bi lingual
Hi I also struggle with the cultural differences, it is exactly as Hey says above. My DP has been very hands on since our DS was born but he seems to be going against the grain. His family all have nannies and can't seem to understand why I don't want one. Also I am not going back to work until DS is one and MIL is finding that hard to understand she thinks I must be "bored" by now!
The cultural differences are many and varied and hard sometimes but I have found that being direct with MIL about what I think helps, she seems to respect that! So glad you started this topic OP.
Nigeria is pretty big and parenting style can vary. Which are is the father from?
My dh not Nigerian but African, differences in parenting style have become quite difficult for us. Don't quite know how to get over some of the differences tbh!
My partner is Nigerian (Yoruba, Ibadan), and 20 years older than me. We've been together for four years, known each other for eight years. Our son is 9 months old.
There are definitely some reoccurring clashes. First ones to come to mind:
- Housework. He takes for granted that I'll do all the housework/childcare/cooking. He argues that this is 'my job as the woman'. Both of us work so this is probably the biggest point of contention between us. To be fair to him he does do things around the house but because he resents it it's the first thing to come up in an argument. I'm not sure in fairness how much of this is cultural and how much is just him being a lazy arse.
- Disciplining children. He keeps telling me to 'give the boy a tap' when DS 'misbehaves', e.g. if he accidentally bites me during breastfeeding and I cry out involuntarily. He doesn't understand why I refuse to do it and says I will spoil DS.
- Intensity. I think it's fair to say that most Nigerians aren't particularly reserved! They seem to react quite openly to things and say exactly what they think, even if it's not the most diplomatic thing to do or say. My partner has referred to the British habit of avoiding conflict as being 'two-faced'.
It is also fun, though, being a multicultural household. We love sharing aspects of our cultures with each other and we're looking forward to sharing them with DS.
There's also something to be said for having your cultural norms challenged (even when it results in stupid arguments!). I think it helps you to stop and consider your values and beliefs and view them from an outside perspective. You might change your mind, or you might reaffirm your belief in those values, but either way you'll come away from it with a better understanding of yourself and the other person.
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