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mixed race beautiful and all . pleaser ead and reply

(62 Posts)
emma187 Wed 06-Sep-06 02:10:57

hi im emma i have a 1 year son i often get funny looks wen with his father.... im white he is black. our son looked typically mixrace when born lots and lots of black hair. as he has gotten older his hair is dark brown and his skin just looks permenantly can tell hes mixed but not sure of how mixed.. iv only met a other mum who dont have typically looking mixrace kids whatever that is suposed to be i guees it just goes to show that genes are all different . My friend daughter is too half black half white and has very pale skin with auburn afro hair . i expected him to be look alot different than he does but I really dont care whether people can tell if he is black mixed but i am concerned what he will feel like wen older. And how he will be identified.
I dont no y people do have the urge to wonder.......about other people and hope he wont have to face some of the things i have.........
im just wondering if any1 else has experienced anyhing like this..................

thankyou every1 4 listening to me rant on

moosh Wed 06-Sep-06 12:57:48

I have 2 mixed race boys, I am black, dp white but both my boys look completely diffrent. Ds 1 who is 6 has darker mixed skin with jet black hair and ds2 aged 2.5 yrs is really pale and I mean really pale with auburn coloured hair. At the moment they look nothing alike although pictures of ds1 at 2yrs old looks just like ds2 does now.
I always get looks when I am with ds2 but not ds1 and they are mainly by black people. I have already talked to ds1 and told him to always remember that their are diffrent colour "beiges" (talking to him in 6yr old terms as he has questioned his brother and his different skin colours already) and to be proud of being from two parents, and that he is special because he and his brother both are two beautiful colours formed from two beautiful colours ( meaning dp's and mine). He may go through a bit of name calling as he gets older, heaven knows I did and I lived in a pretty mixed community in the 70's.
You just need to be there to advise him to remain proud of his colour. People will wonder and they will ask him, that is part of life but our society now is so mixed anyway I don't think the issue will be as much as it was when I was little.
Hope this helps you not to worry too much.
I am British born and I have a quite well English accent and some people still ask me in what country I was born!!!!!!

me23 Wed 06-Sep-06 13:18:39

Hi, I'm white and dd's dad is black (light skinned) and dd has brown soft european hair, and tanned skin. she looks white so much so that people have even asked me if it is possible that someone else could be the father . I'm not with her dad so people assume dd's dad is white, they are shocked to say the least to find out she is mixed race. As she has no 'black 'features' at all.

bubblez Wed 06-Sep-06 13:26:59

I have the same sort of problem. DP is a mix of Gianeese (sp)(south american) and Jamacian Indian and is the fairest of all his brothers and sisters, I'm a (very white in complection) greek cypriot. DD has come out very white, here she is people always comment of how 'they would never guess she was mixed' and I get the odd 'are you sure she's not the milkman's' from people who think they are funny.

A few of DP's cousin's who have had babies from white people have also had very white children. (and they are darker then my dp) Also those who have had more than one childe with their white mate have had their second child come out darker.

I'm pregnant now and often wonder what I am going to tell dd if the children at school tease (which im sure they will). I also wonder what to tell her if the next one comes out darker.

I do love the way that you explained it though moosh.

bubblez Wed 06-Sep-06 13:42:31

OH NO!! Have I killed another thread?!?!

MarsLady Wed 06-Sep-06 13:51:10

You've gotta give it a while to die bubblez lol!

I have 5 and they all seem to be varying colours.

DS1 always looked Northern Italian (so I was told) Caucasian type hair with thick curls
DD1 was so white born that people didn't believe she was mine, loose curls
DD2 dark caramel with more afro hair
DT1 pale caramel with loose curls
DT2 practically white with thick curls.

They all started rather white but darkened up nicely at around 18 months. I'll never forget DH's mother saying how good it was that they weren't too dark but I replied that it was good that they weren't too light. She didn't understand what I meant and thought that I was being rude.

I think it's gorgeous the variety of colour in mixed children. Absolutely gorgeous!

NotAnOtter Wed 06-Sep-06 13:54:48

i agree mars!

twoboysmom Wed 06-Sep-06 13:57:50

I am an African American woman living in the wilds of Hertfordshire with my white British husband and two sons, 6 & 4. My oldest son is considerably lighter than my brown skinned self while my younger son has got that permanant tan going for him. I have talked to my sons about colour difference as terms they are able to understand at their different ages over the years. I have never wanted them to be empty vessels into which other people can pour their ideas of who they think my children are. Rather, I and my husband hope to fill them with positive images of themselves, their cultural and racial heritage, and of our family. I think both of the boys are confident enough to say what and who they are and that varies from time to time.

Right now, my oldest identifies heavily with his American identity over his British one (since he's only been here a year, that's understandable). He knows that "black" and "white" refers people's racial identity rather than literal colours (as it did when he was younger). I don't talk about race all the time, but I don't ignore it because the reality is Britain is very race concious with great public denials that it is.

bubblez Wed 06-Sep-06 14:03:18

LOL guess I was getting a little paranoid Marslady

I know how you can get at the MIL's comment. I always have DP's side of the family calling my dd 'the white baby' or 'little white girl'. I don't know if I'm being OTT but it really grates on me.

incywincy Wed 06-Sep-06 14:05:38

I am guyanese indian, dh is white english and we have 2 ds's both completely white - not a trace of me except they have brown eyes. When I came home from hospital with ds1, a friend asked if I was sure I had brought home the right baby. TBH we dont find it a problem, yes I get looks and comments sometimes but children / people are all different. My youngest brother is 6ft tall and very slim, I'm 5ft if I stretch and very fat. Very funny the doubletakes when breastfeeding ds2.

bubblez Wed 06-Sep-06 14:10:21

'guyanese' So that is how you spell it....!! at my poor attempt earlier.

FullOfTestosterone Wed 06-Sep-06 14:15:03

Dh and I are undefined race, but mainly shades of white, and we still get fynny looks!
I am south american with a very mixed race background, but I mostly look middle eastern (although that might be the only genes I don't have). DH is mostly eastern european, with pale skin but dark eyes and hair.
Both of our kids are incredibly pale, blond and blue eyed!
Have no idea where they come from, but they are identical to each other.
When I am back home, I am usually assumed to be the nanny!

FullOfTestosterone Wed 06-Sep-06 14:16:29

oh, and my friends always ask me if I am sure I brough the right baby home...
Which was funny the first 10 times someone said it...

Blu Wed 06-Sep-06 14:28:51

emma187 - where do you live? In the area of london I live in mixed race children are the fastest growing group in the population - and you can see by looking that there are as many variations between individual mixed race children as there are within any one group! White people can be red/freckled, olive/jet black hair or blonde/blue eyed....with as many variations in hair curliness etc etc.

Unless people have no mixed heritage at all, racial make-up is really a continuum, and most people have a splash of something from somewhere!

It's highly likely that your child's father is not solely of African genetic descent - nor you 100% celt or whatever!

twoboysmom Wed 06-Sep-06 14:31:35

Gonna start marketin I am NOT the Nanny T-shirts. However, I've use to strike up good conversations with nannies in the park because they obviously thought I was my light skinned son's nanny. Plus, I had no problem talking to brown people unlike many white middle class american women so I had someone to talk to everytime I went to the park and other adults were there with children.

NotAnOtter Wed 06-Sep-06 17:06:39

I am white and so is dp ( am i allowed on here?) I have five children - two dark hair and dark eyed olive skinned - one blonde /blue strawberry blonde and blue eyed and my latest - very dark eyes /skin/hair.
My dp calls no.5 Paolo which is not his name and keeps inferring i ran of with a man of italian origin.
Today in the school yard a woman just stared and stared at him without comment and then said 'so ...different ...such different coloured eyes' I can be thick skinned and so was not offended but could be!

Blu Wed 06-Sep-06 17:12:56

NotAnOtter - I am sure I remember Tamum explaining the perfectly normal genetic facts which explain your baby's colouring! Befuddle the rude and uneducated with science!

MarsLady Wed 06-Sep-06 17:14:21

NAO.... sounds exactly like the kind of remark that I would make...(about the baby being someone else's lol).

I gave up arguing with people that assume the children aren't mine. Trust me! I was there! So I know that they are mine lol

motherinferior Wed 06-Sep-06 17:15:56

I am mixed race - white father, Asian mother - and have utterly white skin, red hair, and green eyes. Nobody ever believes I am half Indian.

My partner is mixed race - white mother, Asian father - and looks pale Asian, IYSWIM.

Our daughters are mixed race - two white grandparents, two Asian grandparents - and have blonde hair and olivey white skin.

emma187 Wed 06-Sep-06 17:58:08

thanx every1 for all your responses it was great hearing that there are people who do understand these issues. I too live in london my ds dad is w african and i actually have never incurred any funny words from his family or anything like that mostly from my side of the family .some of the thing you all said sounded wat i have experienced also.... thanx

prettymum Wed 06-Sep-06 18:18:32

i am asian and my dp is jamaican, my dd looked more asian when she was born but as her features get stronger, she looks just like her dad, people keep confusing her for a boy with her hair out!!

my ds is 7 weeks and he was born with very dark skin but he looks like every member of my family!!

my family are the only ones to object with my decision to be with my partner and to have children with him so i am no longer in contact with them

NotAnOtter Wed 06-Sep-06 20:07:45

objecting but why???
They dont deserve to see their grandchildren

drosophila Wed 06-Sep-06 20:14:29

DS and DD are mixed race both having curly hair and light brown skin. Interestingly DS goes to a school which is 85% minority ethnic groups many of whom are black and he has been 'insulted' byt one of the black boys cos h is 'white'.

He was VERY upset about it.

twoboysmom Fri 08-Sep-06 09:49:46

Drops...what is the best thing a parent can do in that situation? Its so easy to get it wrong and make it worse for your child.

cooperflykiller Fri 08-Sep-06 10:51:47

Sorry to hear that prettymum; maybe things will change with your parents as your kids get older. I hope so, but it is the grandparents loss.

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