Single mother to be(5 Posts)
I'm soon to be a single mother to a mixed race child ( father pissed off after cheating on me while pregnant) and don't want my child to feel like an outsider in my otherwise white family - any advice?
You don't need advice, It will just happen. First time mum? There is no words I can possibly use to describe when your child is placed in your arms for the first time. Your family will most likely be the same, if they support you they wont look on him any different than one of them so he wont look on himself (or herself) any different. Just relax a bit, Yes you will make mistakes - anyone who tells you they didn't is lying or deluded but you will be fine
I'm a single white mother to a mixed central asian son who's now 8. I'm lucky that we live in a very multicultural part of London with children in DS's class of many mixed races Korean/Serbian, SOuth African/Britsh, Sundanese/British, Singaporean/British so he has never felt out of place at school.
He's never mentioned feeling differnt to the rest of my family but he does have a nagging suspicion that paler = better when it comes to skin and we've had many many conversations about how everyone wants to be something they're not and how very pale people will spend money fake tanning and roasting on holiday to be darker.
You do ned to keep an eye out for it particularly with a girl as the disney model of blonde hair blue eyes for princesses whilst it does have some exception is quite entrenched.
I make a conscious effort expose DS to people of his heritage even though most of them culturally relaly couldn;t be further from his culture which is obviously British whilst they are mostly Kazakhs living here temporarily.
You just have to muddle through as best you can!
The fact that you are aware it might be an issue is a great start.
My son is mixed race and no one in the family sees him differently . It's never spoken about . He went to an all white school and his friends never gave it a second thought . Don't make a big issue out of the colour and no one around you will. You will have a beautiful baby and that is all people will comment on. I was in exactly the same situation as you 21 years ago and you will get through and you and the baby will be fine . Answer questions as they come up but don't bring them up. If he asked me why he was brown and I was peach ( his words) then I just said that when mummy goes in the sun then she tans and goes brown well grandma and grandpa live is a hot country all the time so stay brown and daddy is like them so he was a bit of mummy and a bit of daddy. He accepted that. I also told him that only special people were brown but this did backfire on me as when seeing a black vicar in church one Sunday he stood on the pew and shouted look mummy he is brown like me but he is a lot browner so must be very special . Take it as it comes but just don't make a big thing about it and neither will anyone else. Good luck xx
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