Thought I would resurrect this thread just to see if any of you are still around!
I have been with my Kosovan DH for 21 years now. We have 4 DC aged 18, 13, 13, and 4, none except DS3 have Kosovan names which is not really 'forrin' sounding iukwim!. We gave DS3 his paternal grandfather's name just because we'd run out of names beginning with [x] and I liked the name although it is seen as extremely old fashioned in Kosovo.
DD used to be bilingual until she started school mainly because DH's parents lived with us while the war was ongoing (I had to fight to get them out of the refugee camp and over here) and they looked after her while we both worked. They had a very strong bond with her so it was a shame that they (FIL!) made the decision to go back.
DH has never really spoken to the younger DC in Kosovan and they only hear it on the rare occasions that we see his siblings here in the UK and when we take our annual summer trip to Kosovo to see his parents. His parents are lovely and despite his father threatening to cut him off when he first got with me!, they came over for our wedding (a register office ceremony with a church blessing and a horse and carriage affair) and accepted me pretty quickly. The same cannot be said for his siblings however, especially his 4 sisters and sister in law who have never accepted me, their loss .
DH is increasingly reverting to 'type' as he is getting older although he has never been anywhere near as chauvinistic as his fathers/brothers and always mucked in around the house/with childcare to the horror of his relatives. I have needed to give him a boot up the backside just recently due to his thinking that now the DC are older and can do chores, he shouldn't have to do anything.
I have not served 'chai' since the early days of us living together and the novelty of the tiny 'cute' glasses wore off. I won't serve it to guests when we are at his parents either although his mother used to be delighted when I did - her English daughter in law serving her guests! I used to make passoul just because I am a vegetarian and like beans. Never, ever made flia or pita. Really, really can't see the point . DH is very much a roast dinner/spag bol, builder's tea kind of guy anyway and gets indigestion problems when we go over there now.
We have done the trip over there every year for the last 7 years save for the 1st 2 after DC4 was born. We drive (in a people carrier) and tbh I love the trip through Slovenia/Croatia, not so much the time spent there as DH goes into ignorant mode but we eat out a lot (some wonderful restaurants there) and I will drive to the shops/Pristina if I want to go out. We tend to stop in Ulcinj or Croatia for a beach holiday on the way back which the kids have lots of sunny memories of. At the time we are there, I am usually really stressed and swear we will never go again but when I look back, we have had some really good times cooped up together in the car! We have flown over a few times as well when DD and the twins were younger. DH has also taken DD on her own a few times.
It would be very good to hear from anyone else in a similar situation!