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Not eating pork

(30 Posts)
SahmOldSameOld Sun 06-Jan-13 22:23:47

One of the few practices of my faith which I observe is not to eat pork, and I do not give my 4 yo DD pork to eat either.

How do I best explain to my DD why she can't eat ham sandwiches like the other children at birthday parties?

To confuse matters, DH is not of the same faith and does eat pork...

Thedifferant1 Fri 30-Jun-17 07:33:26

I m a practising Muslim. I like the idea of being clear and simple. i.e "mummy and daddy has different religions.... every religion has a number or rules to follow. . " I feel it s difficult to instruct the child to follow one and not the other or not be free to make choices. On what basis you have decided for 4 yo DD to follow your religion's rules and not the father's... you have your reasons.. the child need to be explained.. perhaps " mummy and daddy agreed that you ll follow some ( the best of) rules from every religion or you have decided it's better to follow such religion first.. then read about the other.... something like that.
However.. I also re- inforce the idea of what really matters for you in terms of being a Muslim and what is common between you and your husband , these are the things that should be " over" emphasised among the family. Last point is respect to the wider family culture ( visiting in laws) that's a complicated idea, can be introduced later on . I prefer to separate culture from faith with my children.

Mima0 Fri 23-Jun-17 09:53:39

Just a piece of advice: don't tell your child that you don't and they can't eat pork because it's a dirty animal, or things along this line. Maybe pork meat was unsafe to eat in certain circumstances once upon a time, but this is not certainly the reason why you shouldn't be eating it nowadays. Besides, in some cultures, different types of hams were invented in order to preserve the meat safely for very long stretches of time. In certain countries, like Italy, ham it's given to sick people at the hospital. So scaring them with the idea that ham or other pork meat is unsafe and unsanitary is nonsense and will one day come back to you. Moreover, they might go around their friends repeating this "dirty meat-dirty animals" mantra (it's happened to us) which won't be very nice for their friends to hear and might hurt them, or your children might feel confused if one day their pork-eating friends tell them that is totally safe to eat pork. So if you want your children not to eat meat, tell them that it is your religion and culture, but don't blame it on the pigs. And like all of us from different culture should do, teach them to embrace their culture without imposing it on the others or shaming the others on its base. (hence, let your husband eat pork and let your children know they will be able to decide what to do about it once they reach a certain age, if you like).

doughnut44 Mon 13-May-13 15:10:59

I know I am late in this conversation. I just wanted to know what you told your daughter op?

Moominsarehippos Fri 22-Mar-13 13:51:20

Wait until the party bags start rolling in. Haribo contains pork gelatin doesn't it?

thewhistler Fri 22-Mar-13 13:44:44

I think startail's view is good.

I would also offer, having been brought up in levantine countries, that pigs are scavengers, running semi wild eating the refuse ( or they were in my childhood) and people don't want to eat such an animal. And pork ( and shellfish, also scavengers) go off fast. So the dietary laws make sense in the countries where they were created.

In terms of your own choices, I think you can say that you just wouldn't, and seeing her do so would upset your family. But you could also add that when she is grown up it will be her choice.

Then grab those turkey slices and pretend they are pork (expect flame "lying to your child"), just as one of my cousins had to tell his four year old that everything including sprouts was venison and I had to tell next doors 4 year old that roast lamb was burger.

If you make a mystery of it she will want it more.

amirah85 Fri 22-Mar-13 13:29:46

Tell mummy is muslim and her religion doesn't allow people to eat pork.and when she's older she can do what she likes,for now she will follow what mummy says(no pork).daddy has a different religion and is a adult so he can eat it if he likes.

Moominsarehippos Fri 22-Mar-13 13:22:54

I would be wary of telling her that it is because pigs are dirty, pork is dirty... She will then happily tell her friends at school that they eat dirty food etc etc eat. I've come across some hypocritical idiots who have done this (ok to drink alcohol, and i do believe that pepperoni on that pizza is pork then?) and their children have been quite horrible to others about them eating pork products.

Sometimes it's enough just to say 'I was brought up not eating pork' (if you are from a Muslim country). Even 'I have no idea how to cook it because I have never eaten it'.

I'm veggie but don't feed DS as a veggie. He knows that mummy has chosen not to eat animals as she decided a long time ago (almost 30 years now) that she didn't like the idea of killing an animal to eat it. Not sure what he thinks about that but he doesn't question it and isn't remotely interested!

And it's not 'god believes...' It's 'we believe that'. In a multicultural society we need to remember that there are other gods worshipped and none. Is never too early to remind children this.

Lonelybunny Fri 22-Mar-13 13:09:14

My friends child is in a family where mummy is Muslim and daddy is Christian. You need to decide if she can/can't have it and your DH too if she can't I think you need to stop as a family including your DH . As The family I mentioned above have completely confused their daughter. Her father takes her out and gives her pork when her mother isn't around and I think the child is confused and feels like she is deceiving her mother.

AbbyCat Sun 27-Jan-13 07:24:41

My DH entire family is vegetarian and has been all his life. He remembers his brother in particular questioning why they couldn't eat non veg at parties outside the home. I think his parents essentially said until you're 18 you follow our rules. After that you can do what you like. It's a very patriarchal stance to take, but one that brokers no argument! An alternative is to be more lax and say no pork at home for anyone? That way she could eat ham sandwiches at parties? Depends on whether she is being brought up Muslim or not I guess?!

Ninjaforever Sun 27-Jan-13 04:26:37

Very confusing for your child. I would pray that Allah guides your husband to Islam and makes all your affairs easy for you sister.

Perriwinkle Sun 20-Jan-13 21:37:04

To be perfectly honest with you, there is no rational way to explain to a child why Muslims/Jews do not eat pork. It is simply a rule of the religion not to and that is that. I'm afraid that is all you can honestly tell them.

These rules were introduced thousands of years ago and none of the so-called "rational" justifications from abstaining from pork simply don't stand up to scrutiny ina modern world.

Pigs are not "dirty" and pork is no less healthy than other meats, dependent of course on the cut of meat chosen and the way it's prepared/frequency with which its consumed.

I think that the way you are approaching things with your DD is fraught with problems. You are expecting a 4 year old to take the following on board:

* Mummy belongs to a religion called Islam. That means she is called a muslim.
* Being a muslim means that you have to follow certain rules
* Mummy does not follow all the rules that other muslims follow.
* The only rule she follows is that she's not allowed to eat pork.
* Pork is any meat that comes froma pig and this includes bacon, sausages and ham.
* Daddy is not a muslim but he does belong to another religion.
* Daddy's religion thinks its OK to eat pork.
* Mummy and Daddy have decided that you are going to be like mummy and not eat pork either.

Be prepared to field the many questions that your average 4 year old would have in response to this lot. I think it's far too much to take on board and would be much easier if you were a muslim family but you're not.

So good luck with that.

I'd say that as you have decided to marry someone outside of your faith and to pick and choose the bits of your religion that you want t/feel happy with sticking to, why not afford your DD the same choice? I'd suggest keeping it simple for now by telling her that your religion doesn't allow you to eat pork and so you'd don;t feel able to feed her pork while you are responsible for looking after her and feeding her but it'll be her choice to do so when she gets older if she wants to/

SahmOldSameOld Sat 12-Jan-13 22:35:01

Startail - lovely post, I'll remember that, thank you.

DH eats pork maybe once a month, and rarely whilst DD is at the same table, it's usually a snack. DD eats earlier, we eat later.

mysweetie Fri 11-Jan-13 13:31:08

Does your DD has a choice whether she will be a muslim or not? I think if you want your DD to be muslim too,. you DH will also be very helpful in order for you to follow your religions rule.

CoteDAzur Fri 11-Jan-13 06:55:35

We are not the ones making the "big deal" over pork here.

You are the one with an issue - you want your DD to not eat pork but you are unable to explain this to her, let alone convince her of the necessity.

And you are unlikely to, with your DH gulping them down in front of your DD.

SahmOldSameOld Thu 10-Jan-13 22:15:59

I respect DH's right to eat what he wants and I hope my right to abstain is respected too. DD accepts that DH has different sausages but we eat beef ones. I was just wondering how other families made up of different faiths explained things.

I can't really explain why I observe this tradition but I choose to. And I've never understood why some people make such a big deal over the fact that some people don't eat pork.

I don't feel that people who are vegetarian or don't eat beef are subject to the same grilling (pun intended.)

WaynettaSlobsLover Wed 09-Jan-13 08:41:04

Cote and CutestGirl are spot on. If your dc sees her dad eating pork then nothing you do will stop her from eating it at some point as well as getting very confused about it. I wouldn't want to be in that situation myself, would cause a lot of problems.

CoteDAzur Wed 09-Jan-13 08:36:30

And I say that as someone who doesn't eat much pork.

cutestgirls Wed 09-Jan-13 08:35:30

i agree with cote. your DD may be good confused and rightly so if she sees her dad eating pork. if you do really want your DC to be raised muslim you MUST have some form of consistency in your home.

preferably, have your DH eat pork either only out of the house or not in front of your DD.

i don't eat pork myself either, but since both DH and I are in this together was rather simple to explain to DC.

CoteDAzur Wed 09-Jan-13 08:34:01

Also, if you don't practice Islam and don't have plans to educate your DD in the religion, what do you expect to achieve by banning a food item?

WaynettaSlobsLover Wed 09-Jan-13 08:32:58

Don't get me started on the types of bacteria especially worms that pigs can carry. This was more than enough to turn me off pork for life. I knew someone who left pork in her actual fridge uncovered, and she said 3 days later her and her housemate opened the door to find the pork absolutely crawling with maggots. <boak>

WaynettaSlobsLover Wed 09-Jan-13 08:30:08

My ds understands that whilst pigs are cute and intelligent animals, due to the fact they have unclean habits and their meat goes off very quickly, that he is not allowed to eat them. I explain to him that Muslims and Jews don't eat pork because we are not allowed to for our own benefit, (we're Muslim) but that other people do and that's their choice. Tescos do a fabulous range of turkey rashers that fry up like bacon and taste amazing in a sandwich with brown sauce by the way...wink. I think you can tell I'm a convert lol.

CoteDAzur Wed 09-Jan-13 08:28:09

Is your DD destined to be raised in your faith (rather than your DH's)?

How is it going to work that your DH eats port but your DD isn't allowed to?

It's not like you can say to her "God doesn't allow people to eat pork" in that case.

Startail Wed 09-Jan-13 08:24:20

Lorarocks, that isn't helpful

I think my Jewish friend would say it's both because the Torah also says not to eat pork (and lays down lots of other dietary rules), but also because it is the tradition of her community.

Keeping Kosher brings her religion into her everyday life. It reminds her of God at each meal not just when she goes to Synagogue.
It reminds her of her family and gives her a sense of who she is and the community she belongs to and is bringing her son up in.

Given her husband isn't Jewish and she is an hour or more away from a city with a Synagogue this isn't always easy.

Those of us brought up in loosely CofE house holds (my was actually strongly atheist) tend to put religion in a box called church on Sunday.

Food and daily prayers are how other faiths make it part of their whole lives.

Greythorne Wed 09-Jan-13 08:16:19

Dirty animals?


Greythorne Wed 09-Jan-13 08:15:21

'Teach her God does not allow people to eat pork'

<Shakes head and retreats from thread>

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