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(8 Posts)
Xanthius Sun 18-Sep-11 11:03:38

My DH is Muslim and I converted 9 years agao. Each Christmas I feel that I have to fight with him to go and see my family. I'm OK with us not celebrating, I make a big deal of the different Eids but it's prob the only time that I get to see my family. I know this year it will worse because my mum died ealier in the year and my sister/brother are planning a big thing. I just know that he will not want to come, which means that I would have to go by train on my own without the kids.

Just wondering what other women do who are married to Muslims do at this time of year!

Fiolondon Sun 18-Sep-11 21:17:11

I saw this on the unanswered thread list. I don't have a multicultural family. I couldn't help thinking that this could easily be a question which had nothing to do with religion. I suppose it depends on exactly how principled your DH is and how religious your family's celebrations are.
FWIW My colleague is a Jehovah's Witness. He doesn't do cards or presents but he will come to the work social events around christmas because they are that - social. They don't affect his beliefs. Just like our muslim neighbours send cards, come to the neighbourhood christmas party and cook samosas for the event. For most people christmas is about being with family than it being a religious affair. Could you perhaps call it a celebration of the winter salstice (sp?) instead as this is what it was before Christianity hijacked the festival?!
Anyway my husband is fairly honest about the fact that our trips to my family are a bit of a chore but he does his duty to me and comes along, and manages to make a reasonable job of enjoying it. I think your DH should do the same - he's letting you down if he doesn't - especially in such a difficult year for you. At the very least he could help you get there (hang around nearby) and then pick you up later. You probably need to have a candid discussion about this, then maybe it will not be quite so annoying for you.
Good luck

Tryharder Sun 18-Sep-11 23:07:38

Wow. Your DH is being massively unreasonable and controlling. Why would it hurt him to accompany you and the DCs to your family's celebration? I am assuming there is a meal, a few family and friends, watch a bit of telly... the usual family Xmas get-together? Presumably no-one is tying him down and forcing him to read the Bible or attend midnight Mass.

Even if he doesn't want to go, why does that mean you can't take the children??

My DH is Muslim although I am not and Xmas is a big thing in our house but we also celebrate Eid. TBH, I think it's people like your DH that gives Muslims a bad name. Having said that, I don't think that this isn't about religion IMHO, it's about him being a control freak.

I really, really hate it when I read on here and in real life about women who are force to give up their families and friends to appease to some control freak husband. Real Islam isn't about that.

BeeMyBaby Mon 19-Sep-11 02:03:50

I'm in the same situation as tryharder, Muslim husband although not a Muslim myself, and although he can be a control freak, he has never stopped me celebrating Christmas, and even though DD is Muslim, he doesn't stop her joining in either (obviously she doesn't go to mass) but still gets food and I get her something small, as does my family. DH knows I have no intention of trying to make her a Christian and my intentions are not bad, I really don't see the harm in your children going to a family get together - could you not explain it as that, obviously it falls on Christmas but that is all you will see it as.

Xanthius Mon 19-Sep-11 11:35:52

My family's not religious so its just turkey and TV.

I know hes controlling but its not a religious thing cause hes not practicing, its just his nature.

He makes me want to pull my hair out Arghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

BeeMyBaby Mon 19-Sep-11 14:05:26

Do you think he just doesn't like your family and is using religion as an excuse if he is not even practicing?

savoycabbage Mon 19-Sep-11 14:13:33

Loads of men would love it if they didn't have to spend time with their wives family. Mine being one. He is BU.

pinkmagic1 Tue 20-Sep-11 09:59:31

I have been married to a Muslim man for 14 years, we have 2 children although I have not converted like you. My DH does not preach his religion but he does pratice and attend mosque when he can.
He has never once stopped me celebrating Christmas. Sometimes we will go to my parents and sometimes they will come to us for a big Christmas dinner. The children get presents and me a DH exchange small gifts too. We also celebrate the Eids but actually to a lesser extent than Christmas, although if we were to live in DH's country of origin I think it would be the other way round. He does come from a village with a sizeable Christian minority though and the people there have always got involved in each other celebrations so maybe this makes him more open minded.
Like others have said I do get the impression that your husbands behaviour has more to do with him being a control freak rather than anything to do with religion. I am sorry to hear about your Mum and think that if your DH denied you and your children from being with your own family at a time that is important to them, especially this year of all years he would be being extremely cruel and going against the true spirit of Islam. I know it is easier said than done but I hope you find the strengh to stand up to his bullying behaviour.

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