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Help! Reassurance badly needed!

(8 Posts)
Mortal Mon 01-Aug-11 20:20:33

I've lived in South London for almost 20 years, usually very centrally In the most mixed communities. I've never wanted to move out until we had our son, who is now just 8 months old. We live quite high up in a tower block, we have no outdoor space and the negative press connected to this area is pretty dire. So, we've just scraped together enough to buy a property and get out. I'm extremely excited about this, my son is now registered with the nursery that got all 1s in the Ofsted reports (for one day a week) and the commute into work is manageable. Only niggling worry is that it's a very white populated area in Kent. There is a little mixed race girl in the nursery and the nearby town is fairly diverse but what are your experiences if any, of moving out of London? I want better for my son, although the amenities here are pretty good, in the new house we'll be near the beach, near stables and country parks which I feel will be excellent for his development. Both me and his father are very confident people and of corse, you always wish and hope that your child will be smart, confident and's just a worry that he'll be somehow...different.

marsiettina Tue 02-Aug-11 08:49:37

I have never moved out of London, just because of that same worry. I think it is a very difficult decision to make as you have to weigh out the pros and cons.

If it is just about the material things such as a bigger house etc, then I would stay in London with its diversity. However, if it is about better schooling for your child, less crime etc which will effect your child in the future, then I would happily move to somewhere out of London.
It is difficult to say how bringing your son up in in a mainly white area will affect your child. I think it is better for your child to see and grow up around children who look like them, as they are less likely to ask you why are they the only one who is a different colour.

I have been fortunate that my children have got into a good London school and the area we live is very family friendly. If we had to move in the future then I would still try to find an area outside of London, that still has a bit of diversity. Not just one or two children in the school of different colours. Hopefully you will find a school close by with some diversity, by the time your son is ready to start!

Mortal Tue 02-Aug-11 09:39:57

No, it's not just the material things, if it were just that we'd stay here as we have excess amounts of cash left over after paying all our bills. It's about the quality of life. I don't want my child choosing his friends out of fear.

marsiettina Tue 02-Aug-11 16:54:44

I understand completely. You need to do what is best for your son. A safe and trouble free majority white environment is better that a multicultural environment where you have to walk your son to school until he is past 20.

It is a tough decision and as parents we have to deal with it, but when you are doing it for the sake of yur son, it can never be a wrong one!!!

forehead Tue 02-Aug-11 22:33:59

It depends which part of Kent you are moving to. Areas such as Sidcup,Dartford are more multiracial, than somewhere like Tunbridge Wells

maypole1 Sun 07-Aug-11 18:44:22

My mate moved to Woking don't do it her daughter now refuses to let her walk her to school and told the teacher she was the nanny because she is so ashamed and has took o telling people she is white ( she is very light)

You can still live in London and be safe have you ever thought of the suburbs in west London like say uxbridge or Ealing?

People always go to extreams or how about reading, high Wycombe places like that just outside London but still very mixed

DelphiSwimsLate Wed 10-Aug-11 18:48:49

OP it is fantastic that you can now afford to move out of your high rise to a place as you describe. So what if it is a predominantly white area? Most places are. Your son will have to learn to be proud of his background and you will have to teach him that. Maybe he will turn out to be 'different' - I would imagine, strong, unique, well rounded, independent and adaptable. Great qualities if you ask me.
You are right to seek a better quality of life and you deserve it - don't be afraid to go for it. The benefits to your child/ren will be immeasurable. Good luck.

CubiksRube Thu 18-Aug-11 17:06:25

I'm late to this (always am!) BUT - I'm mixed race and we moved to Wiltshire when I was a kid. This was 1996 and it was very white - sometimes it was awkward and there was a bit of racism (not much, and never physical, and I had plenty of friends).

I now live in London with DP and DS who is 1/4 black (but looks mixed) - having seen the high rises and the parts of London that you describe, I'd encourage you to move to Kent and give your child the best possible chance. We are already nervous that DS will join the hordes of young men loitering in the streets, and he's 6 months old!

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