Anyone with Algerian husband?(159 Posts)
Curious to know of others married to Algerians and what, if any, cultural differences/issues you have experienced. We've been married 6 years and have 2 kids (twins). Life is a bit of a rollercoaster sometimes.
no tbh I wouldn't have listened but if I knew then what I know now I would have run for the hills!
This is so sad... I once lost a very dear friend...she married an Algerian, and please the emphasis on being "Berber and not Arab" shows to me how much the region and culture is being misunderstood.
It's almost like brainwashing as in explaing the woman their views of their culture, religion etc. as being universal to their country...
Most of the young male Algerians who came to Europe from the early nineties on (and who are from Kabyla etc.) are truly horrible in so many ways and they also give their country and the culture such a bad rep.
Most women who are with them are way above their leaugue and they go through hell with them...like my friend, but when I warned and explained, she didn't listen and dropped me like a hot potatoe, he also made her to...
later she was so afraid of him, she only wanted to get through with the visa thing and hoped that he would get 'rid of her', so she wouldn't have to fear him stalking her etc.
I also heard and saw over and over again the scenario older European woman with younger fella from Tunisia, Morocco, Egypt etc. usually working there in hospitality claiming to be totally in love...
When I tred to explain why he is most likely lying and all that...the women simply liked to kill the messenger...
not alot you can do world people tried with me but I was blind. 11 years on and one ds later and I still can't get rid!
I am always so sorry when these things happen. I always wonder what the right approach to this should be?
Or maybe, the woman is too good-hearted or emotionally hungry, so a hot-blooded charming good-looking Mediterranean mman simply hits all the right buttons at the right time?
I'm so far in a happy marriage but I understand what you are getting at- some demands are very difficult to cope with. I would say that this behaviour is not against European women- it is simply how they would treat any wife- European or Algerian.
I would like to go as far as saying how unsure I am exactly about this type of man treating ANY woman that way.
I do feel that with Algerian women or any country the men is heading from being shared as a background with his wife, actually puts him in a much more difficult position to hold up with cultural expectations asked from him to fulfill, IYSWIM
I very often feel, it's with European women for example more a case of having the cake and eat it. And simply stating and demanding all the expectations, presumably then everything being argued to be cultural or religious norms of his upbringing etc.
However, assuming they are true...what about all the things he needs to do for his wife and family, which are also expectations of his culture...
Most women not from those cultures do not know enough or actually believe the stereotype versions themselves and buy into it....
It's hard for me to explain, but it makes my blood boil and I get so angry about these things, especially since they truly give Islam, and arabic/berber culture a bad rep as well.
And I am angry for women being mistreated that way, especially if they give so much and are so tolerant and want to learn the language, and about the culture and the country and are willing to convert and/or have their children being raised as Muslims and true to their father's cultural background.
I just get so about this...
I'm not sure about it all to be honest, I would say the majority of rules that dh has insisted upon have been for my own benefit although I couldn't see it initially. Other people comment negatively on these but I can understand why dh has said them and I'm happy to stick to them- no going out to pubs for example, my workmates all complain but I get why this is no longer appropriate for me. My parents complain that I no longer drink alcohol (what an odd complaint!) but it is better for my health and I was a binge drinker before.
The only really awful Algerian man I've come across is fil, who married a woman in France for a visa and is just horrendous, and some of dh's friends have married for visas...
Hell, it is depressing to know I will never know whether dh married me for me, or because of a visa. I will stop my ramble here!
Oh bee, I am sorry I didn't mean to stirr up bad feelings here
my exh never tried to stop me drinking. I was however a massive weed smoker and he suggested I stopped that!! for the first couple of years of marriage he was the centre of my world. but looking back now I wasn't the centre of his. he was an emotional bully and sometimes physical. when ds was 2 I fled to a refuge and now live happily by ourselves. its been very hard regarding the following islam for our son and something we fall out over all the time. but ds loves him and he loves ds so I bite my lip
Any Algerian or north African wives still about on mumsnet?
hi beautiful ladies (and men) - handholding is allowed in Algeria especially if you are married (and also if you are not!) so whoever is telling u it's not is LYING to you or that particular person wants to keep his options open re: future Algerian wives and doesn't like to be seen in your company.
I have been to Algeria twice and felt safe although I was being shadowed most of the time and the one time I did walk around the neighbourhood and to the train station on my own was a bit nerve wracking to say the least haha 3 cars stopped but I just kept crossing over to the other side of the road and they drove off again :D
Algeria is such a beautiful country and I love the Sahara <3 The Algerians I have met are nothing that you describe above - I even went on a bus trip with a group and found them to be genuine, open, warm people. Algerian men can be a bit dominant although this poses no problem for me because I am too - I give as good as I get and I advise you to do the same - if he wants to go out and hang with his friends without u then I advise u to do the same :-D sometimes the man just needs to be pulled from his high horse and SHOWN how it feels to be treated the way he treats others - works like a charm!
I'm thrilled to see another Algerian wife still on mumsnet!
I have been to Algeria 3 times and I do feel priveledged to visit a beautiful country untouched by westerners.
But the cultural difference is mindblowing. There is certainly no handholding in the remote villages!
There us a risk of kidnapping in the remote areas. And if the relationship breaks down the mother cannot take the kids out of the country.
My dh is from a remote village towards the west so quite different to life in Algiers I'd imagine
I have a half Algerian toddler who will probably never know her Algerian family. Her Dad's spent time in Algiers and Oran. He has a Berber and Arab background. Can anyone help me find out information on her background, culture and Dad's religion (Muslim). I know that is a lot of info but I don't know where to start.
How old is your toddler? Are you still with the their father? I would recommend start with music, there's lots of Algerian/Berber music... My children's favourite used to be mimi by idir (lyrics in Berber rather than French or Arabic). You could also play some versus of the Quran and get your child used to the sound of it.
My toddler is 1 1/2. Her Dad is not on the scene. I am interested on finding out more so that I can provide some answers when she is older.
Hi I was wondering if anyone is still reading this thread? My Algerian husband (has Tunisian nationality now) has been in Ipswich UK for 7 months. We are expecting our first baby and generally very happy. However he is finding it difficult to settlr, misses family etc. I wondered if any one else lived close by or of anyone has experience of this? Thanks
Hi penny, does he have the option of going for a holiday back to Algeria? My husband usually goes once or twice a year and that seems to help a lot.
Also red, if you don't intend to raise your daughter Muslim, it may be better not to confuse her at this point, when she is older she can learn about Algeria and the fight for independence from France through films etc... There is also a story for children called 'a hen in the wardrobe' which is all about an Algerian/Berber father wanting to go back to visit his village, that might be nice for her when she is 5 or 6
Can your husband visit London often? There is a little Algiers near Tottenham court road full of Algerian cafes and butchers. There is also a website dz Londoner but it is not very active. Algeria.com is a bit more active. Certainly when we lived in London it was easy to get Algerian patisserie and treats like merguez and selector.
Red I also advice you to check algeria.com. Also if you want to find out about Islam there are a few mosques about which are female friendly and are welcoming to people new to Islam.
Nothing to do with being in a marriage with Algerian but I'm not feeling as if Algerian men are getting a very good press at the moment... With the recent cologne sexual harassment/ attacks when they listed the nationalities which had been arrested, it was mostly Algerians, then morrocans etc... And every time there is a European terror attack I am just waiting for the Algerian to be identified .
Yep sounds about right. Read "The French Intifada" by Andrew Hussey for some answers. The Algerians would have you believe it's all the fault of the French for 130 years of colonialism, I tend to think it's time they faced up to their own responsibilities.
Tbf whataboutbob.. The French did some pretty terrible things like testing nuclear bombs in Algerian desert and killing the dessert people who lived nearby.
However yes there is a definite chip on the shoulder.. The mentality from Algerian immigrants to France that France owes them something as they stole from Algeria for over 100 years. Doing simple things like leaving lights on in public funded buildings and accommodations to get back. At the same time the French can be exceedingly racist... So glad my own little Algerian darlings are British and not beurs!
Lol bemybaby I know what you mean.. And my mum is the first one to tell me when another one us on the news ( but tbf they are nearly always French citizens!)
There was one on my local news about a month ago about an Algerian bloke about 5 miles from be spouting Isis rubbish on social media and being sent to a uk prison . You can imagine the comments on that story were all 'go back to your own country &@&£&&#%'. <sigh>
Yes my DM points out news stories but usually focuses on the fact they are Muslim rather than their nationality so I end up trying to defend a whole religion rather than just a nationality ... I'm glad my daughters are still young so don't need to be bothered with the news.
And I do think French colonialism does have a lot to do with it- I think the rate of illiteracy amongst Algerians when the French left was about 85% and if you have that low level of education then you are bound to end up with some crack pots being produced as it takes a long time to correct.
There's no denying the French did some very bad things. However, Algeria has been independent for 53 years now. It has vast resources unlike Morocco and Tunisia. However, it has not always invested these resources wisely, it has not developed much in the way of a civil society, unlike Tunisia (don't know about Morocco), and has been ruled by a one party military dictatorship since independence. All that is not just the fault of the French. The reason there are so many Algerians in France, and now in England is because Algeria does not offer much to millions of its citizens- those who have no government connections. The sooner Algerians wake up to the need for some humble realisations and serious reform the better. Otherwise, they can carry on blaming the French, be the black sheep of the Arab world, and nothing will change.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.