Anyone with Algerian husband?

[doublemuvver]

Curious to know of others married to Algerians and what, if any, cultural differences/issues you have experienced. We've been married 6 years and have 2 kids (twins). Life is a bit of a rollercoaster sometimes.

[BeeMyBaby]

I think most of the differences that DH and I have experienced have been because of religion rather than his culture. We have only been married for 2 1/2 years with one baby, but I do think it is getting alot easier. May I ask if your DH is Arab/French/Berber Algerian? I have eventually got used to his music and grown to like it but it took a loooong time.

[MrsDrOwenHunt]

i was narried to algerian for nearly 8 years and culture wise, we were miles apart

[doublemuvver]

husband is Arab Algerian. The religion part is not so much of an issue, it's the cultural differences that seem to be the problem (although culture and religion are often closely linked).
the music! Haha, the stuff that's produced in Europe is cool, I love it but the stuff produced in Algeria is dreadful! So bad it's funny!
It sometimes seems that I'm the one who's made all the compromises, however he seems to finally understand that I will not convert (they can ask 3 times and then have to accept your decision).
On the plus side he is actively involved with the kids who adore him :)

[BeeMyBaby]

I would agree with who makes the compromises- very much us. I didn't know they were only allowed to ask 3 times- I think dh doesn't mind so much now as I have taken a lot of the habits per say on, even though not the religion - I don't drink and I'm careful how I dress and how I'm perceived by male colleagues etc. I find most of the difficulties occur when I go to Algeria and there is no hand holding or anything of that kind, just a bit of a culture shock. Do you enjoy going to Algeria?

[doublemuvver]

I don't mind going to Algeria once we're out of the confines of the family home. There are some beautiful places out there but the day to day stuck indoors drives me crazy (especially when hussband is hightailing it around the town!). It is a fascinating country and do feel priveledged to be able to go. However, the kids are of an age when he can take them by himself, it is important for me that they abosrb as much of their father's culture as possible. I have been 6 times and I know some women in similar situation who haven't been at all.
Like you, I no longer drink (which I don't mind at all) and I was never one to have my boobs but being careful not too show too much flesh!

[BeeMyBaby]

I've only been 4 times so far, but plan to go again next year, though DH is taking DD on his own in a couple of weeks. I went last November and there was no running water in the village for over 7 days (plus every 4 or 5 days they would shut it off for 2 days to conserve it). Drove me nuts. And I was very very dirty.

Does you DH stay in a main city or does his family live in a village?

[BeeMyBaby]

Totally agree with the stubbornness. Perhaps if you moved, your DH would see how unhappy you were and then you'd move back, I believe this happened to DH's uncle and British aunt.
I think its very unreasonable for him to expect you to move to a flat in Algiers I'm sure some are nice, but I always say to DH alot of the flats there look like UK council flats. Are the flats nice? Does he own the flat already? How would he support you? If you ever do go, I'd really recommend getting in touch with Hopeland Algeria, as they welcome possible English teachers.

[doublemuvver]

2-4 times year! Blimey! You deserve a medal! Husband is off to DZ in 2 weeks with the twins, for 4 weeks. I'm staying here (Can't afford it and can't get time off work). Bit of a double edged sword. I will miss my kids dreadfully but will also enjoy havin some time to myself (off to Latitude festival for a day!) They have Skype so will able to communicate.
There is lots about the culture I love, the fact that the kids don't have loads of toys and all grow up together for example. I also like the fact you can't get out of season veg! This is how it should be and I'm interested in how the menus change to match whatevers in season.
I would NEVER move to DZ, I think husband knows it and is realistic about how different life for me would be there - plus he gets frustrated with the country after the initial "being at home with the family" wears off. My biggest issue is money, he seems reluctant to support me financially so am finding life a bit of a struggle. This doesn't seem to fit in the "traditional" man providing prevalent in Arab culture and am complety baffled, especially as he is earning.....
The MIL comment is one I am all too familiar with! Emotional blackmail all the way, does my head in. Just want to say "get a grip"!

[josie70]

Anyone know where I can get an Algerian solicitor in the UK? Even though living in UK, I want to find out more how husband can divorce and gain custody through Algeria using Algerian law.

[BeeMyBaby]

why not try phoning the consulate? I would have thought the main problem is once the children are in Algeria, they can only leave with permission of their father?

[Xanthius]

I have a Tunisian husband. I converted before we married (of my own free will, so many people think he forced me) so the religion is not a problem for me I love Islam. Culture differences are not so bad, I wasn't really into 'going out on the town' although I do miss the cinema (thats more to do with childcare issues than anything else).

I do wish he'd do more housework!

[Xanthius]

bringmesunshine2009: I know this sounds really bad but don't let him take the kids unless your 100% and I mean 100% sure he'll bring them back. If, worst case scenerio happens your find it near impossible to get them back.
Sorry if I'm putting a downer on you.

[doublemuvver]

Hello all, hope everything is OK. Happy to report my DH and twins had a great time in DZ this summer. Seemed to benefit them all and kids settled back into UK life as easy as pie.
They are going back again in Nov as I have to go to NZ with work for a couple of weeks.
I guess I am fortunate to have total faith in my husband, I know he would never take them from me, but you hear so many stories......

[Xanthius]

Thats good!
My DH is taking the children to see their grandparents in Dec over the Christmas holidays. Wish I could go with them cannot get time off work though! :(

[BeeMyBaby]

bringmesunshine how long were you there for??? Your MIL sounds really horrendous, the only thing that made me feel better about DH taking DD there for three weeks again (they are due back tomorrow) was knowing how nice my MIL is and how well DD would be cared for, I don't think I would agree to it otherwise, plus I know DH goes out and virtually abandons her during the day. Did your DH go out a lot?

[LongWayRound]

bringmesunshine I found this thread mid-August and bookmarked it waiting to see if you would update after coming back from DZ. When I read "Apartment is one floor of a villa of which DH owns. His mother has a different floor. It is supposedly 'ours' but in fact is treated as hers." it rang so many alarm bells! I'm not in DZ but next door in Morocco, and I've seen situations like this, even been in a similar situation myself for a while, with MIL and SILs spending long periods living with us. If you did take this arrangement, I'm betting that you would have no privacy at all: any visitors would be scrutinised, if the phone rings MIL will be asking who's called... and there's a pretty good chance that MIL would be nosing around in your belongings while you were out. I've had this, not with my MIL who is actually very sweet (though inquisitive beyod what would be considered reasonable in Europe) and harmless, but with SILs who are - or rather were - anything but. Could write much more about the disadvantages of such a living arrangement, but am basically just pleased to see that it's no longer on the cards.

[BeeMyBaby]

bringmesunshine Looking back over the thread, does your DH not have any brothers who have wives who could be her substitute instead?

[BeeMyBaby]

You never know, he may already have a secret sweetheart, and if he is entitled to any of the family home his wife prospects obviously go up majorly. Hang in there!

[Ugarckamik]

I am presently in Algiers and bored...we are visiting in laws,been here almost a month and went out only 5times.3tes to see doctor(me and kiddies sick)once to visit his cousin and aones to a wedding(whicjh was in a flat,although everyone is nice and polite,i am stuck at home and going mad as DH going out and about and i am suffocating at home with MIL.anyone else in same boat?

[BeeMyBaby]

I was there in june for 5 weeks͵ heat must be horrendous now? are you in a house or a flat? Could you get your dh or mil to take you to the botanical gardens- one of the few lovely things i saw there.