ttc after placental abruption

[sayitwithsam]

Arrggghhhhh!!!!!! Another month gone and I still haven't had a strong positive on the OPK. My period was 35 days last month and 33 this month.
I'm worried that I'm not ovulating every cycle and that's why it took over a year to get pregnant the first time. My GP said not to worry about it though, that it will happen when it happens. It's so easy to be blase when you're not the person desperate for a baby.
I spent most of yesterday in fits of tears. I thought I'd never stop. It's been like this on the first day of all my periods since losing my baby. I feel like it's all happening again and I'm back in that hospital room.
It's my brother-in-laws wedding in October and I should be there with my little boy, showing him his new family and beaming with pride but now I'll be surrounded by all these people giving me sympathetic smiles and whispering behind my back.
Everyone keeps saying I will get my baby which makes me feel like they don't think my boy was real, or that he didn't matter. It has to get better than this doesn't it?
I want to be pregnant again so badly but I worry like mad that if I do I'll be expecting the same baby I lost. Has anyone else felt like this?

[Jakey87]

hi hun, i sort of know what you mean but my loss was very early. i also worry about wanting my 'first baby' back when i become pregnant again, i think its a normal emotion or at least i hope it is!

i just wanted to say there can be light at the end of the tunnel after placental abruption, a friend of mine lost her little girl to this 3 years ago at 24 weeks, it took her a year to be able to ttc again and when she did nothing happened. her doc said the same as yours, it will happen when it happens and it did, her next pregnancy went smoothly and even though the baby came a few weeks early and only weighed 4lb she is now a happy healthy 1 year old.

take care

[sayitwithsam]

Hi
Glad to hear from you again. Although under happier circumstances would be great! Life is supposed to just go on isn't it and everyone else seems so fine about what's happened but I can't. Some days I go about my daily business alright but most of the time I'm a mess and some friends and family get annoyed. I should be over it now in their eyes and honestly it makes me want to hit them and really lash out. But it won't make a difference.
I wanted to just end it all at one point which is selfish I know. I could never so that to my DH but I just couldn't see a way out of the pain. For the first two weeks I had my GP calling me and popping round, my midwife coming over, my family calling and I didn't want any of it. My DH and I were still in complete shock. Now it's all had time to sink in I need them and no one cares anymore. The time period allowed to grieve is over and it's just the two of us staring at our empty nursery and crying ourselves to sleep at night.
I am self employed and the work has become so very very slow. I wish I had something to focus my mind on other than missing my baby and obsessing over OPK tests.
Keep in touch. I promise I will try and drag myself out from this black cloud and be a bit more positive! As soon as evil AF has gone I'm dragging my man back to the bedroom kicking and screaming until he has knocked me up!!!

[sayitwithsam]

By the way how did the hospital visit go? Did you get your test results back? My blood tests came back as 'no action required' and they aren't doing any more. So I've been sent off with a "better luck next time".

[sayitwithsam]

I know they tested for clotting and lupus but the other names she just read out quickly and didn't explain them so I don't know what they looked for! I get the feeling that even though it's my body, I'm not important to them.

Don't give up hope about the BFP. Every month I got my period when we were trying for Archie O thought right that's it, I give up! And then when we lost him I thought a year and a half to get him conceived and I'm back to the long wait again.

I asked about the aspirin as my problem throughout the pregnancy was heavy bleeding and large clots but the consultant said it would make no difference to me. I was amazed how much I bled and that I wasn't given a transfusion. It took well over a week before I could go a few hours without just falling asleep.
I've never felt so drained (literally). No one monitored my blood loss at the hospital when I was in labour. I went through a whole bag of those giant pads they have. I was really scared.

What is the thread for the testing chat you're on?

Good luck with everything.

[sayitwithsam]

That's the weird thing, they said my iron levels were really good. I was taking my pregnancy vitamins every day without fail and eating better than ever so I'd be in perfect condition for my baby.
My dad actually said to me after I lost him, "do you think you tried too hard to do everything right?". What kind of question is that?! If I'd smoked, drank, took drugs, did no exercise and ate junk food would I have felt better would I have kept him? I have come close to throttling so many friends and family since March
Yes, I know what you mean about dreading that date. My in-laws booked a week away in Wales for the four of us when Archie's due date comes around in just over two weeks and I know they meant well but I want to be able to sneak off and cry like crazy without an audience in a small cottage in the middle of sodding nowhere. (PS I am still having my period which is probably why I am in such a terrible mood).

[LittleSquirt]

Hi everyone

Well, I have seen so many threads on pregnancy loss but haven't wanted to post until I saw this one. I lost our DD1 at 27 weeks back in April due to placental abruption and placenta previa. Her due date is coming up in a couple of weeks too and although I seemed to cope fairly well until now, I seemed to find it harder since last week. I know the next two weeks will be so hard.

I really feel for you all now TTC again and not getting a BFP. I am petrified the same will happen to me although I have been told not to try again until April next year as I have now had 2 C sections. Feels like an eternity away! I felt so sad this morning, it is the first day of summer and yet I am withing my life away until the first day of spring next year as we'll be able to TTC soon after that. I wish I could curl up in a ball and go to sleep for the next 9 months and yet I feel guilty about feeling like this because I have a gorgeous DS who is only 17 months and I would miss out on so much if I was asleep for the next 9 months of his life!!!!

Sorry to rant, I REALLY, REALLY hope all of you get BFPs very soon!!!! x

[LittleSquirt]

I meant "wiShing my life away", not "withing"!!! :-)

[sayitwithsam]

That's exactly how I feel. I said to my DH the other day that every month with no BFP makes me wish the next month away. All I want is that double blue line and it's just not happening.
I've got the thermometer this month AND the flipping ovulation strips and the mucus check. I never thought it would be feel like an exam every month rather than something that is natural and just happens.
I'm being honest here, I am jealous of everyone who has babies but that doesn't make the pain of losing your baby/babies or need for another one any less. You shouldn't feel guilty, wanting the hurt to go away doesn't mean anyone should think any less of you as a mother to your DS. Although the insensitivity of people who haven't lost a baby doesn't fail to shock me.

[sayitwithsam]

Ok I'm hoping I've cracked this ovulation thing! I've been testing from about day 18 and not getting a positive result. This month I decided to start testing earlier than all the websites suggest and got a positive this morning (day 13). It's now negative again so must have been very quick! I've got a mild shooting in my left side. I REALLY hope this is it.
With my due date coming up I need this more than ever.

[sayitwithsam]

Is clear stretchy CM 2DPO a good sign? There's too much conflicting stuff on this world wide web thingy, I'm totally confused. I had a positive OPK Thursday and got my man to BD Wednesday, Thursday and Friday (I've kindly given him the day off ). Because the test strips are not the easiest things to make a decision on I'm worried I should be dragging him back upstairs just in case I miss my opening (pardon the pun).
Does anyone actually understand ovulation and can read what's happening to their body or is this all an internet myth?
Help!

[sayitwithsam]

Since writing this I've been getting a really dull but annoying ache that felt like period cramp for a few minutes then moved to my lower back and is still there. It can't be ovulation now can it? Because the test strip on Thursday looked pretty convincing to me and I got my DH to take a look too. It can't be AF either because that's not due for just under three weeks.

[sayitwithsam]

Well once this bloody football match is over DH is all mine (muhahahahha). I figure, there's not much window of opportunity (better analogy than the last one) so I getting as much BD as possible!

You'd think after two cycles of my body tricking me into thinking I was pregnant again I'd give up looking for answers on the internet wouldn't you? I think I have an addiction now, he's threatening to ban me from the laptop (I'd like to see him try)!

So you're opk means you have a 24-48hr window to fertilize the egg is that right? And my days were probably Thursday and yesterday. The CM and temperature checks don't add up with ovulating though. I must have seen about 50 very pregnant women at a Summer fete today and all I could think was "how the hell did you manage that?!" Closely followed by 'blimey how are you coping being so pregnant in this heat'.

[sayitwithsam]

I had a positive on my opk test the Thursday just gone but there was very little cm. My temperature went from 34.6 on the Monday to 35.4 when I got the positive result then 35.6 which I thought would be the peak but crept up to 36.4 today and yesterday. Today I've had stretchy cm which started clear then yellowy then creamy by this evening. What's happening?! I did another opk to see if the last positive was wrong and I'm actually ovulating now but it was negative.

[sayitwithsam]

Well I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed. My temp has stayed high now so hopefully it will stay up. I'm still getting quite strong twinges in the downstairs department and after 14 years of vegetarianism have gone back (albeit gingerly) to the world of meat. I'm hoping there is a mass of cells growing in me that has its fathers lust for meat!

Thanks for replying to me, I was feeling a bit lonely. Hopefully Wales will clear the cobwebs.

[sayitwithsam]

You got your BFP?! Hope you have.

I went to Snowdonia, usually I go to my Aunt and Uncle's place near Haverford West but my father in law wanted to walk up mount Snowdon. Where are you from? It's so beautiful in Wales. I think the Conwy Valley is my favourite so far.
Well I was dreading the 8th (due date) but had really positive signs I was pregnant so hopeful too. The the day before though my AF arrives over a week early! I don't think I can take much more of this.
The meat eating started and ended with some chicken. I hate meat! And being surrounded by lovely friendly sheep all week has only emphasised the fact I can't be anything other than vege. I'll have to eat tons of spinach and get my iron levels really high. They did say it was fine at the hospital but making myself into Popeye for the sake of a healthy baby can't hurt (if that ever bloody happens). If I hear one more "oh well, your time will come" heads will roll!

[sayitwithsam]

Oh congratulations It was a whim test I did in October and thought "it'll never be positive" and then came down to tell my DH who just kept grinning and saying "oh my God" for several hours. It was wonderful.
Yes, I did say my time should be right now with the baby I was carrying for 5 months to my mother in law last week. I don't mean to be a bitch or anything but it is completely like he's been wiped out by everyone. Like he was an idea of a baby not an actual baby. We sold our pram today which has been sitting in our dining room like the elephant in the room. We're not giving up, but it does feel like it will be a long time now. I can't and won't touch the nursery though. I know this is madness but we have had a room thermometer in there since about January and I look at it as I walk through every day and think "oh he'll be too hot" or "good, the temperature's fine". My brain just can't get that he's not coming back.
My surgery give out prozac like sweets and they put me on them at just 13 when I was constantly complaining of IBS pains but they said it was all in my head (try giving yourself a belly the size of a giant water melon without it being pregnancy or a diet of Macdonalds...not possible). I actually have been getting it again really badly for a month now. I went into B&Q and saw a lady look at my stomach and I thought "go on, ask me when my fart baby will be due, I'm really in the mood".
Yep I've been on folic acid for years, it's part of my multi vitimin and then I took the special pregnancy version when I was carrying Archie.
Good luck with everything. Stay in touch. Hopefully I'll get my BFP next month.