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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Ectopic Pregnancy

2 replies

spookycharlotte121 · 27/04/2010 17:26

most of you know I had the week from hell last week finding out I was pregnant then finding out it was ectopic and had to have surgery which resulted in me using a tube.

How do you get passed it all? I hate the idea that there is something missing from me tht should be there. Im scared it will effect my chances of hvaing more children in the future.
Most of all Im very sad at the loss..... I feel guilty because I dont feel like I have a right to be sad. Im a single parent of 2 todlers and so dont think I would have been able to continue with the pregnancy if it had been normal, have had and still suffer from really bad depression. I would so love another baby right now but because of my circumstances it would be impossible.
I just feel like the something I would so dearly love has been dangled infront of me and then cruely taken away. But it sounds so stupid because it would be impossible to have a baby right now.

Everywhere i go i see babies aand pregnant women. Its driving me mad.

I feel all over the place and I just want to feel normal again.

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Haliborange · 28/04/2010 20:45

Hi Spookycharlotte

You've been through something really shocking so it is not surprising that it might take you a while to process it all. You are certainly allowed to be sad at your loss. I found my ectopics to be a mass of the most horrendous feelings - relief that I had survived, guilt (the first time because I felt like I had aborted my baby), grief, massive disappointment.

The answer for how you get past it is quite simply that you take your time. You will feel better, but physically and emotionally you've been through a lot. Plus your hormones may be making you feel crap. So just go easy on yourself.

Oh, and FWIW, losing a tube doesn't mean no more babies or even 50% less fertile. I had 2 eps in 2008 and last year had another baby. Miraculously the egg that made her came from my tubeless side.

Finally, if you really want a rant or any info I cannot recommend the good folks over at the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust highly enough. They are incredibly helpful.

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Muser · 28/04/2010 21:33

Hi spooky. Very sorry to hear about your ectopic. I had one in February but was lucky enough not to lose a tube. It was hard enough dealing with it, having to cope with the operation at all must make it even worse.

You will get through it though. I could do nothing for the first few weeks, then I managed to get through days without crying, but never a whole week. Now I can usually get through the all week. It's taken a long time, but I'm getting there. And sometimes it's fine to just sit and howl and don't try to be song.

I second the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust forums, they are a lifeline and have experts on hand to give advice. I have had so much help from there, I don't think I could have got through it without them.

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