MMC in Nov '09 - any tips on getting through what would have been my EDD?

[loopylou2]

Hi everyone

I had an MMC at 12 weeks in November and had an ERPC. It would have been my first child and was dearly hoped for. The whole experience was quite traumatic as my only scan was a private one which revealed the bad news, didn't give me a photo and then charged me £135 for the pleasure then the hospital who rejected me for antenatal care suddenly found it within their capabilities to rush me through for an ERPC.

I prepared myself to start trying again in Jan 2010, started taking the vitamins and so on. It seemed really important that I conceive again before the date that I would have given birth - this Saturday. the 24th.

It isn't just important to conceive again to ease the pain though. I've spent a good few months psychologically preparing myself for trying again and now really is the right time for me and my DP. in fact it's been the right time for since this time last year when we first began TTC.

However Saturday is coming around and I'm not pregnant again. At least I highly doubt I am. My period doesn't seem to be getting going - just a few little smears- and I have cramps, but a dozen negative HPTs in the bin so I doubt it's implantation.

And on an emotional side, I cant make sense of my feelings. I still feel so sad. I'm not comsumed with 'what if's and 'should have been's like I was in the early days but they do still creep up on my sometimes. I feel very alone.

I've booked this weekend off work as I know I won't be up for being around people. I just desperately want it to be over with, I want it to be Sunday already.

I know it's only one day but since remembering a few weeks ago that my (no-longer) EDD is coming up I've been unable to forget about it. It's been on my mind constantly but every time I try to talk about it I feel so choked up that I just end up clamming up and not talking about it. Even to my DP.

I've been thinking of what I can do with myself that day, maybe do something special to acknowledge the event but I'm not sure at all. Is this really a good idea or do I need to just buck my ideas up and move on?

Any thoughts or advice please? I would really appreciate knowing that I'm not the only woman who goes through this when the EDD comes around.

Thanks for reading everyone.

Lou xx

[randomimposter]

Lou - I am sorry to read your post.

The EDD is so tough. So full of ifs/maybes/what should have been. I really recognise that.

Have had 2 MMCs myself - first one EDD was 2 March. I had got pg in the meantime, but found out I had had another MMC on 26th Feb, and whilst waiting for ERPC MC naturally on March 4th.

So I was mourning 2 losses on my first EDD which made it sort of better but also worse (not sure I can explain that but I know what I mean!).

On the TTC after MC thread there are lots of examples of lovely things people have done. I think the important thing is that you do something that's right for you.

Hope you find some peace and reflection this weekend x

[Jakey87]

hi hun so sorry to hear what your going through, i havent reached the first EDD yet, infact my mmc was only 2 weeks ago but thinking of how im going to kope has been playing on my mind (look at the thread titled DATES?)but i plan to relise a helium ballon from my garden and go through my memory box just to mark the day, i dont plan to sit sobbing all day just quietly reflect and no doubt the tears will flow anyway so i wont be at work either.

hope you can find somthing special to mark the day if that is what you want hun.

take care x

[EggsandBacon]

Hi Lou - just wanted to say I think about what my EDD would've been a lot. I had a mmc too, I never thought that sort of thing could happen so I'd already spent a lot of time daydreaming about my summer baby!! I still feel sad when I think about it.

I think it's normal to feel sad, because it is really sad. I guess I don't have any advice as such, apart from just allowing yourself to grieve, I think having some time to reflect and think tomorrow will be nice.

If you do manage to tell your DP, that will be good, but if it's hard to get the words out then maybe you could write it down for him?

I also found it quite nice in the evening to light a candle as it was quite peaceful and a nice way to remember.

All the best for tomorrow xxx

[Tads]

Hi Lou,

I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss and I hope Saturday wasn't too traumatic for you. I had a mmc last October and my due date would also have been this week. It's made particularly difficult by the fact that the date is also the birthday of another family member and I have to try and be upbeat and celebrate with them.

Like you, I am not pregnant and have been trying for a while now to get pregnant, despite the fact that my body will not play ball since the mc. For some reason I felt that I'd be okay on my EDD if another baby was on the way, but I doubt it would make it that much easier. I think it's particularly hard in light of the fact that this would have been your first baby. I am lucky enough to have a little one, but it doesn't alter the grief you feel for THAT baby.

I hope you managed to do something that was helpful to you. I think we all try to deal with this in our own way, but there is a lot of surviving to be done before we get to the coping stage. Please come back and vent here if you feel you can't talk. I know there have been times when I would have been lost if I couldn't write down my feelings and I hope you can find the same comfort.