really struggling all of a sudden 6 months after third miscarriage

[Kazzac69]

Hi

I've had 3 miscarriages in 3 years. The first one was in January 2008. I found out I was pregnant early December and was fine until New Years eve when I started bleeding. I had a scan 2 days later and everything was fine, howere when I went for my 12 week scan the baby had died a couple of weeks before. I had an EPRC.

The second one was in November 2008. We went to a private scanning clinic and they really messed us around, the first one was on the 29th September and they said they couldn't get a proper reading so could I come back in a couple of weeks but we had to go back twice before they confirmed that the pregnancy had died, we then had to wait a week for an NHS scan to confirm that it had gone wrong so it was the 26th October by then, they decided to let me miscarry naturally but it went very wrong and I ended up very ill in hospital. I wasn't treated particularly compassionately whilst in hospital by some of the staff although some of them were lovely. I ended up losing a lot of blood and having an EPRC, my first time overnight in hospital (I know I've been lucky). The third miscarriage was in April this year. We were given scans by the NHS and it all seemed fine, the baby was alive at 8 weeks but the scan a week later showed it had died.

I managed to get through summer by just trying to forget it and see friends but my husband and I went on holiday to a friends wedding in Denmark for a friends wedding and we got on disastrously and nearly split up and he had a row with my friend who took it out on me, saying that I'd only lost 3 embryos and needed to get a grip on myself, I thought I was doing ok and keeping it together but those comments have made me feel like I've lost control.

I feel like I'm falling apart at the moment, its about now the third baby would have been due and also its the anniversary of the really horrible illness that came with the second miscarriage as it was Halloween when I became ill. I just keep bursting into tears, I'm getting on better with my husband. I'm scared to try again because of the heartache and pain I've been through but I got pregnant and I feel like I can't stop trying yet. I'm 40 but they can't find what the reason for the miscarriage was because there was nothing wrong with the last baby that they could find and there is nothing glaringly wrong with myself or my husband.

I'm really struggling with life at the moment, finding it hard to keep my pecker up

[scotlass]

kazza I'm so sorry you're having a rough time at the moment.

I've had 3 unexplained mcs in the last 2yrs so know only too well that you can be going along thinking you're coping then bam it hits you like a sack of spuds, anniversaries can be pretty awful times especially.

You need to let yourself grieve - they may be embryos to some people can't believe that they said that = but to us they were our baby and very much wanted whether you lose them in the 1st/2nd/3rd trimester. Any loss can take time to truly heal from and this is no different.

wish I could say something to make you feel better hugs (((())))

[Kazzac69]

thanks Scotlass, I think thats what I find so hard to believe, people are really callous about miscarriages. I'm hoping I wasn't like that before I suffered mine. I think forums like this are a big help as there are other people out there who know what you've been through

[lulu78]

Kazzac69 - Sorry to hear your having a hard time. Maybe you dealt with everything too quickly after your 3rd miscarriage and its only hitting home now what has happened and your emotions are all coming out. It probably didn't help with what matey said, it's easy for people to say things like that if they havent gone thru what we have. Especially having 3 in a row.

I have also just had my 3 m/c and I have very good days and very bad days. Have they done any proper tests on you? I know you said they tested the baby and there was nothing wrong but have they done blood tests, hormone levels etc on you and your partner? I have been referred for some tests on 5th November so am counting down the days till my appointment comes. If you have received all tests and they have come back negative then may be thats a good sign, I no it's still hard to deal with wondering why you m/c 3 times but at least you know your body is not lacking in anything to prevent your baby from developing and it is just down to bad luck and the pregnacy not meaning to be. I no a couple of ladies on here have had 6 or 7 m/c and gone on to have a healty baby. It is scary trying again and its the stress and worry but I am sure everything will work out in the end.

[Kazzac69]

Thanks Lulu78

My husband and I have had all the tests and they can't find anything wrong. If I get pregnant again, I had to go straight to the hospital and they will give me hormone treatement and then when they've established a heartbeat, I will be put on low dose aspirin, fingers crossed that it will all work out.

x

[evaangel2]

I had a mc in April, lo would of been due on 17th Oct, omg I sobbed all that day, sorry for your losses
I have had 2 mc,s in the space of less than a year

[kissmummy]

hi kazza it's horrible isn't it? it's very common for it to take a toll on your marriage/relationship. it's something i'm really scared about - at the moment me and DH are getting on fine and he has been brilliant and really understanding but i do worry how much he can take of this as well. we've had four miscarriages in 18 months.
Could you get some counselling? I'm going for my first counselling session tomorrow. will let you know if it helps. do you live in London?

[Kazzac69]

Thanks evaangel, I know the anniversary is so hard to take.

HI kissmummy - so sorry for your 4 losses. I am in London for work so it would be really helpful if you could let me know how the counselling goes.

x

[cakeywakey]

Kazzac69 I'm so sorry to hear about your MCs. What your friend said to you was very hurtful and wrong - and they should be ashamed of themselves. You did not just lose three embryos, you lost your babies and what could have been.

Have you had any counselling, or called the Miscarriage Association for someone to talk to? It can be very useful to just talk the issues and your feelings over.

[scotlass]

Hi kazza, was just thinking about you and wondering how you are?

[Daynee]

Hi kazza I'm so sorry for your losses. I feel your frustration. I'm in the same boat as kissmummy - 4 mc's in a row (no children). I'm 32, my dh and I have been tested for everything here in the U.S., and nothing is wrong! Specialist seems to think it's just a bad sperm or egg so we have to keep trying until we get lucky...either that or do PGD IVF, and the success rates of that are no better than if we continue to try ourselves because nothing is wrong with us...apparently!

Anyway, I recently moved to another state and was hoping a fresh start with a new job would help but in actuality, absolutely NOTHING besides having a baby is going to help me get out of this depression. Sure, there are things here and there that make me happy - spending time with my dh, drinking wine (ha ha), hiking...but there is emptiness and I can't fill it no matter what I do. I was thinking of trying antidepressants, at least just for a little while so I can stop feeling so terrible. I know therapy won't work for me. There isn't anything anyone can say and I'm all talked out.

Hope this helps. And if I can suggest some other things - don't watch reality baby shows, eat really good pizza, and maybe seek therapy and/or meds. Also, have you thought about adoption?

[kissmummy]

hi daynee good to hear from you. God it's tough, isn't it? i'm lucky enough to have my DS (two years old) but otherwise in same boat as you, ie, four miscarriages, no explanation.
did you have any immunological testing? (NK cells etc?) If so are you able to share details of what tests you had?
i think there's still a lot of hope for you, esp because you're so young, but i know it doesn't feel like that and it's hard to even contemplate trying again when you're so afraid of the outcome right from the start.
kazza the counselling was good. i wished it was more than an hour! i could have talked all morning and was very conscious of the clock ticking. i have since discovered there are clinics offering counselling for far less than i paid, but i suppose i was paying a lot extra for this person's special expertise in miscarriage. apparently some NHS trusts offer miscarriage counselling so you could ask your GP? i suspect it would be a total waste of time even asking if i could get it on the NHS, where i live in London. Even if it is available the waiting list would probably be months, when what you probably need/want is help right now.

[Dozer]

Kazza, sorry for your losses.

After lots of times being upset I try to totally ignore all the unhelpful things that friends say - there are SO many awful things, really bad. I just try to chuck it out of my mind.

Though having never responded to any of the comments, I sometimes wish I'd said something!

In the UK there are some clinical trials going on - one in Liverpool on "natural killer cells" and on ("PROMISE") on progesterone in various locations - can be referred on the NHS.

[Kazzac69]

HI Daynee

Sorry for not getting back to you sooner, I know its so hard, there is such an empty feeling. I'm having to live day to day. I would go on antidpressants but my GP doesn't recommend them whilst trying to get pregnant.

Good luck with your trying. I hope everything works out for you. I might consider adoption if nothing happens within 6 months but I'm not sure they're keen on people of my age.