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How to cheer up a friend who just miscarried?

(6 Posts)
SCS Thu 22-Oct-09 10:35:15

Hi,
A friend just had a miscarriage yesterday (a second one in as many years). She was in her first trimester. What can I say or do for her that might be helpful?

Thanks for your help!

LadyOfTheFlowers Thu 22-Oct-09 10:37:28

Not much.

You have to just be there for her and listen to her if she wants to go over it again and again.

I have had one myself and had to comfort my firend in March when she had one and it look like she might have another soon.


It is very hard indeed.

Helloall Thu 22-Oct-09 11:01:26

Poor friend.

I suppose people react differently. I had a baby and then two miscarriages in a row. They broke my heart. Felt bereaved. My cousin however, was much more practical about the whole thing and recovered quickly.

Things that helped me personally, were people acknowledging it. Some friends sent cards with sweet messages. They made a big difference. Some people sent flowers - I felt touched and a bit overwhelmed. Flowers can be very tricky though.

I think a sweet card - aside from that just ask how she's doing? Good day? Bad Day?

She might not want to talk about it now - but let her know when she's ready your there. Also, my DH felt sad. Men don't tend to talk about that sort of stuff. I think he appreciated it when my friends telephoned and they asked him how he was as well.

I appreciated them asking him.

SmallSCREAMCap Thu 22-Oct-09 11:09:22

A little card is lovely. Someone sent me a bunch of freesias - they were perfect, and felt a lot nicer than a massive bunch of celebratory (or funeareal) flowers.

Nature is very healing too. A friend took me for a walk in the woods. We just walked and talked about nothing of any importance. I appreciated that a lot more than the endless "how are you, I am so sorry for you" that others gave - I know those messages are well intentioned but they made me feel even more useless than I already did.

SCS Thu 22-Oct-09 16:40:57

Thanks for all your help! Got a little card at lunchtime and hopefully my friend will be on the mend very soon.

cakeywakey Wed 28-Oct-09 15:50:11

You sound like a very supportive friend. Everyone else has made very sensible suggestions, I'd just like to add that your friend may not want to talk about it now but later, when she's got her head around it.

If she knows that you're there for her and she can talk to you - or not depending on how she's feeling - I'm sure she will appreciate it.

Also, significant dates - like her due date and the dates of her miscarriages - may well be difficult for her. Just something to bear in mind sad

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