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I am a complete cow.

(22 Posts)
PumpkinsCantDanceTheTango Mon 12-Oct-09 18:47:01

Before anyone judges me and tells me I am a supreme bitch I already know I am I feel tremendously guilty already but I have to get this out. Was in library today with kids and phone rings repeatedly, evenually I answer it and its one of my oldest school friends - telling me shes pregnant.

I was so genuinely happy for her on the phone, she had her scan today and everythings fine which is truely wonderful news. I am delighted for her, shes a lovely person and deserves to be happy.

But when I got off the phone I just felt awful. When we got back home I settled the kids playing and went to the bathroom and sobbed. I am so unbelieveably jealous. Its not fair. I feel angry at her for telling me and making me upset - which is rediculas as its not her fault. How can so many people I know have healthy pregnancies and I can't?I know I am being very unreasonable. I just want to shy away from my firends now as I know it will be the hot topic. Best friends got an 8 week old and thats been so incredibly hard and am just starting to find it easier to spend time with her and I feel like this has come at the worst time. I know thats so terribly selfish of me. Its less than a month until Rosies birthday. I am fed up, I just want a big cuddle and for someone to make it all ok. But they can't. I wish I could deal with this better, I know I am acting like a spoilt jealous brat.

EccentricaGallumbats Mon 12-Oct-09 18:48:49

you are not a cow.

it hurts. sad

Hassled Mon 12-Oct-09 18:51:52

I'm so sorry. You're not behaving like a cow or a brat, you're behaving like a human.

YouLukaAmazing Mon 12-Oct-09 18:53:44

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NormaStanleyFletcher Mon 12-Oct-09 19:08:36

you are not a cow.

so sorry you are sad

girlsyearapart Mon 12-Oct-09 19:09:19

don't feel bad. was your friend understanding to you? would have been a hard conversation for her to have too I guess?

My dd is Rosie. Lovely name. Hope you're ok. x

PumpkinsCantDanceTheTango Mon 12-Oct-09 19:34:18


She was nice, I just acted very happy on the phone - well it wasn't that much of an act, I am genuinely happy for her. But I don't want her to feel bad.

I feel like a toddler, want to stamp and shout and cry because ITS NOT FAIR!!!

boodleboot Mon 12-Oct-09 21:25:14

pumpkins it is rubbish that this happens but don't lose the faith.....gotta keep positive that next time will be your time....

one of my beautiful icelandic friends is 3 days late and i am waiting for the FB update or text that her bubs is born with a curious mix of emotions. its ok to be human hun smile sad smile

Amo101 Tue 13-Oct-09 08:33:33

I know exactly how you feel, since I started TTC I think every friend of mine has got pregnant and had their baby and I'm still waiting. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone (or a cow!)It will happen for you and everything you go through between now and then will make you a stronger person and a better Mum & friend xxx

PumpkinsCantDanceTheTango Tue 13-Oct-09 11:24:06

Thanks. I want to talk to my best friend about how crap I feel but am worried if I do she will realise that its exactly the same as I felt when she was preg and I don't want to make her feel bad. I had a chocolate bar for breakfast today - oops. Was up half the night feeling mince and then just had a wee nap there. Am waiting for my other friends to find out and then the phone calls to start...

boodleboot Tue 13-Oct-09 11:35:57

you totally should talk to your best friend....that is what they are for, there shouldn't be secrets between friends. I am sure that your friendship is robust enough to take you telling the truth about your feelings. Its not something that you can do anything about and its not like you are doing this to spite anyone...

we need to be able to lean on our friends at our times of need and we cannot choose what those times will be or what the subject of our upset will be. SHe won't even give it a thought i am sure, she will just give you a big hug.


Poledra Tue 13-Oct-09 11:41:20

You're not a cow at all - you were pleased for your friend. I'm so sorry that you're hurting.

I have been on the other side of the equation (pg and had a friend who was desperate for her own child). I knew all the time how hard it was for her - I think your best friend probably knows already how hard it was for you. I didn't want to broach the subject with my friend - I waited for her to talk to me. She actively avoided me for some time (and told me she was going to do so) and that was fine. When she was ready to talk to me, that was fine too. Talk to your best friend - she's probably waiting for you.

DuelingFANGo Tue 13-Oct-09 11:44:58

you're not a cow, it's normal. I am dreading hearing about the next baby to be conceived in my circle of family and friends. There's no good way for anyone to tell you.

I think you can be sad for yourself and happy for your friend all at the same time. My best tip is don't ignore your friend, if she's a good one she really won't mind you talking to her about how you feel.

LunaticFringe Tue 13-Oct-09 18:53:32

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Buckler Wed 14-Oct-09 10:20:16

So know how you feel!! I wanted to throw things around the room on finding out my best friend was pregnant let alone that everything was going well. Obviously like you i want the best for her too but you can't help the rage building up inside you at the injustice of it all. It feels like so many people are suddenly pregnant too doesn't it? Maybe i never noticed before but now every second woman i see seems to have a new born or a pregnant belly - not fair.

Had a friend at work admit she'd had unprotected sex and was worried she might be pregnant she then clocked my face and said don't worry if i am i'll sell it to you!!! How insensitive can some people be! Luckily she wasn't but myu relationship with her has changed.

Hope things feel better for you very soon hon remember you're far from a cow you're just feeling what is natural and there are lots of us out here who understand just how you feel.

PumpkinsCantDanceTheTango Wed 14-Oct-09 20:29:18

Thanks. I keep bursting in to tears randomly today. I am much better with people who I met once they had their babies, but when people I grew up with have healthy babies and pregnancies it somehow affects me more. Tomorrow is wave of light day so I can spend the evening lighting candles and crying. Cant decide whether to embrace it and just sob or tell myself to stop it and distract myself - either way I feel shite.

JessiLynn Wed 14-Oct-09 21:16:33

I know just what you mean. My cousin is due on my EDD, and I'm expected to go to all these showers, etc., and I don't know how to handle it. I've been pretty emotional today, too, though I'm controlling my tears with anger... not sure that's going to hold up tomorrow, though. I think I might allow myself to feel what I need to feel tomorrow.

Hope you're doing okay. Hang in there.


NUFC1981 Thu 15-Oct-09 09:04:49


I recently had a mc and have also been for counselling because of it. My brother's girlfriend is about to have a baby and I told the counsellor that I think I might feel jealous about it sometimes.

The counsellor pointed that rather than being jealous, it is more that the baby will remind me of my loss. This made me feel better because it means that I'm not a horrible person and its perfectly normal to have these feelings after a mc when someone close to you has a baby.

It is going to upset you when your friends have babies but it doesn't mean that you are a cow, it just means that you are still upset about your loss - I think looking at it this way will help you. Best of luck for the future


YouLukaAmazing Thu 15-Oct-09 12:05:09

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orangehead Thu 15-Oct-09 12:47:16

You are not a cow but acting perfectly normal. I was exactly the same after my losses, it seemed like everybody was pregnant or had a baby. Please be kind to yourself it is perfectly normal

boodleboot Thu 15-Oct-09 14:00:17

lunaticfringe - so sorry to hear about your devastating loss. When i light a candle for our losses later i will definitely be lighting an extra one for you and your lost babe. heartbreaking. really hope you have strong people around you to help you through this time. God bless. xxsadxx

LunaticFringe Thu 15-Oct-09 19:57:28

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