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2nd miscarriage and patner has left......... [sad]

(7 Posts)
jasmine7 Fri 25-Sep-09 18:00:33

Hello everyone

I wanted to post here to hopefully get some support (and hope!) in my current situation.

Basically, I feel heart broken. I'm 43 and had my second miscarriage 5 weeks ago, then one week later, my partner left saying he didn't want the relationship any more. I can't put into words how I'm feeling, but gosh,this hurts like hell.

Is there anyone out there who share's a similar experience and/or can relate to how I might be feeling?

Thank you for 'reading'......... J x

sickofsocalledexperts Fri 25-Sep-09 18:11:07

Yes I can identify with this - I had a miscarriage and then my (then) partner said he didn't want to try again and we split up. I think if I had not then met - a year later - my now DH, I would have gone on-line for a sperm donor. I am pretty sure that there is something in the hormones that means you have an urge to get pregnant again RIGHT AWAY once you have an m/c, but after about 5 months the urge seems to go down a bit. Would you adopt by yourself or go the sperm donor route? I read in the papers this week that sperm donors from Finland are a big thing at the moment. I send my love to you, I do know how you feel. I now have 2 kids and tbh I think they are more important than the man, so why not try the single preg route?

Mouette Fri 25-Sep-09 19:55:31

I haven't suffered as much as you - I lost my first baby last year at 17 weeks, but DH stayed - I just wanted to give you a big big hug. I hope friends and family can give you support. Things will get better, but what a terrible lonely time to get through. sad Lots of hugs xxxx

JessiLynn Fri 25-Sep-09 22:12:34

I'm so sorry for your losses. I went through something similar-- my partner broke up with me when I was 8 wks pregnant (I hadn't told him yet because he was going through some difficult times, and he wouldn't have been particularly happy about the baby at first), and I miscarried that evening. It's so hard, trying to grieve both losses at once.

It's been a year and 4 months now, and I'm living proof that it gets better. The pain is much less now (especially re: the breakup), and former DP and I are still good friends. For me, it's the loss of the baby that's harder, I still feel as if it were somehow my fault. Even that is less raw, though, most of the time. All this to say, it does get better, and of course there is hope.

((((Hugs))))

jasmine7 Sat 26-Sep-09 09:28:48

Thanks so much for your kind words, ladies. It's encouraging to hear that things get better. As you've said, it is truly awful. I feel betrayed, let down, devastated........the list goes on! I know I need some time to heal from the shock and pain of all of this, and yes, it feels very lonely.

sickofsocalledexperts, you mentioned on line sperm donation, do you know of any particular websites for this? Even though it is early days, I do think any avenue is worth exploring.

Thanks again.

Love

J xx

sickofsocalledexperts Sat 26-Sep-09 12:59:17

Jasmine7 - if you put "online sperm donors" into google and search, there are loads of anonymous donor sites. Also, if you google Danish sperm, there were articles in this week's Times and Evening Standard about how top quality donors from Finland are targeting British clients as the laws are making it harder for sperm donation in this country. Try googling Cryos centre at London Bridge. I think it can be cheap if you just get anonymous sperm biked to the door (but you have less guarantee of quality) or expensive if you do it via IVF at somewhere like the Lister clinic in London. There must be chat rooms for women going down this route and frankly you're probably as likely to get decent sperm this way as you are hooking up with someone in a bar! Good luck to you! There is also adoption or fostering, both of which I was going to do if couldn't get pregnant.

jasmine7 Sat 26-Sep-09 17:14:59

Hi there

Thanks so much for this information, that's so helpful and kind of you. I will begin to investigate things. I'm seeing the gynaecologist on Tuesday as follow-up for my miscarriage, so can talk this through with him too. Take care.....

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