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Miscarried yesterday and need to debrief...kind words much appreciated!

(31 Posts)
NinthWave Thu 10-Sep-09 21:05:59

I have just got back from hospital after one of the scariest experiences of my life, and am feeling the need to 'offload' somewhere other than my poor traumatised DH - so MN it is. This will be long but here goes.

I was supposed to be 11 weeks pg but started spotting about a week ago. Sort of presumed the worst as have had 2 previous MCs which both began with spotting. Bleeding got heavier yesterday at about 3pm, very quickly became comstant gush with clots as big as my fist.

We don't drive and have no family nearby, plus no money for a taxi, so was advised my NHS Direct to call ambulance. Am very glad I did as blood loss was so severe that I blacked out as they put me in ambulance - blood pressure dropped v quickly.

Taken straight to rescus in A&E, seen immediately as it was obvious how much blood I was losing - it was everywhere and I was still passing huge clots, even lying on my back. Two lovely nurses held my hand, gave me Entonox and then morphine as I was examined. OB-GYN doctor tried to remove clots but bleeding would not stop - was given suppository to try to close cervix and halt bleeding. This didn't work and I passed more clots - BP down from 125/85 to 70/38. Taken up to ward, seen again and taken for emergency ERPC after blood tests showed my haemoglobin levels had dropped from 11.5 to 6.4 over approx 3 hours.

Operation done within 4 hours of calling ambulance - was told by doctor that I was lucky I got in when I did! I had 2 bags of saline and 3 bags of blood transfused - was discharged at 4pm and now at home, crying and shaking and wanting to do nothing except hug my 2yo boy close to my chest and eat dark chocolate.

Sorry this is so long and rambly - I really just needed to get all this out as I think I am in shock. Does anyone know if I can get counselling for a MC? It was my third (though not consecutive - I have my little boy) and tissue was taken for histology though I do not know what this really means.

If anyone has been through similar and feels like talking, I would love an understanding shoulder to cry on IYSWIM.

I just keep having flashes back to lying on a trolley with clots pouring out of me and two panicked nurses shouting for assistance sad

CMOTdibbler Thu 10-Sep-09 21:13:48

That sounds soo scary - no wonder you are having flashbacks.

I doubt that you will be offered counselling, but just keep talking about it, and it will get easier with time.

None of my miscarriages were as traumatic, but please feel free to cry, both for your babies, and for the way this mc happened

shyla01 Thu 10-Sep-09 21:14:07

aww im sorry to hear what you have been through. your epu or gp can advise on councelling .

i had a similar experience with mc (although not quite as traumatic, needing to be rushed in etc. something to do with an odd shaped cervix and i found talking it through a massive help.

as you have been through it before you will prob know that you should take time for your self and grieve as much as you need to.

dont shut your dh out, even though you may feel like he has enough to cope with. and of course you will always find a shoulder to cry on on here, i'm sure

take care


MaureenMLove Thu 10-Sep-09 21:14:49

Oh god, you poor thing!sad <<hugs>> I think the opening page here]] says it all really.

Have a scroll though and see what you can find. smile

TitsalinaBumsquash Thu 10-Sep-09 21:15:06

I have had six MC's although it was the first that was like yours, i lost my twins after beingattacked and the bleeding was horrific, i dont really know what to say to you other than im sorry for your loss and to give you my thoughts. I think you can get councelling for a mc, i guess your gp could set that up, although on the NHS it may take a long time.

Let yourself grieve and eat the chocolate. You must be very shocked so look after yourself and take the time to recover. [hug]

MaureenMLove Thu 10-Sep-09 21:16:00


Neeko Thu 10-Sep-09 21:16:32

OMG I'm so sorry to hear about your horrific experience. I hope you're physically ok and are going to allow yourself plenty of time to process. You can definitely have counselling so please see your GP. Take care of yourself and I wish you good health and happiness in the future.

Neeko Thu 10-Sep-09 21:16:33

OMG I'm so sorry to hear about your horrific experience. I hope you're physically ok and are going to allow yourself plenty of time to process. You can definitely have counselling so please see your GP. Take care of yourself and I wish you good health and happiness in the future.

onepieceoflollipop Thu 10-Sep-09 21:17:45

I have had a m/c but not as traumatic as your experience, but I didn't want to leave your post unanswered.

You must still be in dreadful shock, emotionally and physically.

Please try to look after yourself, and rest, eat and drink small amounts if you can. So sorry to hear about your loss and also your previous mcs.

I am sure you will get other more supportive posts. xx

ArizonaBarker Thu 10-Sep-09 21:19:50

Ah, sweetie, I'm so, so sorry. sad

I had a MC at 12 weeks, which was also very painful and dramatic, so know something of what you are feeling.
I think I was in shock for ages afterwards and spent a long time going over and over it in my head.
I found it very helpful to go over the sequance of events with my DP, mum and best friend (a lot!).
I don't think you will automatically be offered counselling but please talk to your GP about being referred.

NinthWave Thu 10-Sep-09 21:31:16

Thankyou for replies, Maureen I will check out that link. I was given a leaflet from Miscarriage Association on discharge from hopsital but haven't been able to bring myself to read it yet.

I am crying lots onto DH but he is finding it very hard to hear the details - he had to stay at home with our DS as we have no family/friends nearby so I was on my own in hospital.

The OB/GYN who saw me in A&E came to find me on the ward this morning - she seemed shocked by how awful it was, and said that she had been thinking about me in the night and hoping I was OK blush I started crying when she said that, which I think made her feel a bit guilty!

I keep going over and over it. The funny thing is that I felt 'safe' when I was in hospital - I slept lots last night/today, but now I am home I feel so vulnerable and shaky.

MaureenMLove Thu 10-Sep-09 21:44:22

I know that feeling well. I've had 2 ectopics, one of which was very dramatic and very very scarey.

All the time I was in hospital, I kinda just got on with things. I suppose because you're living it, but as soon as I got home and into bed, I just kept thinking about it. All the time what if? what if? I had a DD at home with DH too. What if?

Give yourself time. Lots of time. Talk, talk and talk some more. If you feel rl people don't want to hear it, then do it here. There's always someone that sadly has had experience of mc on here.

EldonAve Thu 10-Sep-09 21:55:02

Sorry to hear of your loss
I had a similar experience: ambulance, fainting, A&E but I was in the hosp for 5 days bleeding and being transfused before they gave me an ERPC

The hosp will have a counselling service - if you call PALS at the hosp they should have details

Try to take it easy if possible

PolarBear74 Fri 11-Sep-09 08:14:40

So sorry to hear about your loss. Again I had a similar blacking out, ambulance, A&E and hospital experience. I'm so sorry for anyone who has had to go through what you went through, especially on your own.

I understand what you mean about feeling safe in hospital, you are being looked after and things will be ok and sorted out there.

People here are always here for you and always ready to talk. It helps alot. I wouldn't have got through my MC without MN and knowing you are not on your own.

Take care and eat some more chocolate and cherish your DS, my DD became so much more special after my experience.

easydoesit Fri 11-Sep-09 10:13:23

good heavens ninthwave how horrendous! I feel for you. I am at home waiting to go in for an ERPC today. What a terrible experience you have had. My hospital offers a miscarriage bereavement service which I thought sounded great perhaps you have one? I went for my 11 week scan and baby had died a couple of weeks previous. I don't know how i would have managed without my 2yo. There's only so much talking I want to do with people I know and a stranger might be more useful. You really need to talk to someone who can help you make sense of it all x

Manta7 Fri 11-Sep-09 20:18:29

hope you are feeling better - definitely get some help - talking to people about it doesn't make the pain go away but it allow you to move beyond it. thinking of you..

MaureenMLove Fri 11-Sep-09 21:05:01

<<checks in to make sure Ninthwave is OK>>

NinthWave Sun 13-Sep-09 10:37:18

Thanks for thinking of me Maureen. My mum has been here looking after me & my DS so not been online at all - I have had a splitting headache since Thurs which I am putting down to hormone crash/blood pressure issues. Going to the GP tomorrow as it is getting unbearable sad

Still keep going over and over details in my mind, but the 'lost' feeling is easing a bit. My family/friends have been amazing but I hate the fact that I now have 3 MCs to my name - all at about 10/11 weeks so if I ever do have another baby, I'm going to be in hell for the first 3 months.

MaureenMLove Sun 13-Sep-09 17:52:07

smile I still go over every detail in my head too and the last one was over 5 years ago, BUT it doesn't make me feel sad or upset anymore and it doesn't happen that often.

Glad you've had your mum there looking after you. Make sure you ask your GP for some info on local councilling too, when you see him tomorrow. I'm not suprised you've got a headache. Keep the fluids up and try not to spend too much time with your eyes on a computer screen! That won't help.

Take care.

NinthWave Mon 14-Sep-09 14:38:26

Saw the GP this morning and he was lovely - says headache is most likely due to hormones crashing, and gave me some cocodamol to help with the pain til it eases off. Also signed me off work for a week to recover - spoke to my manager who was absolutely fine. So that's a big weight off my mind!

MaureenMLove Mon 14-Sep-09 19:48:29

Don't feel you have to go back to work after a week. This is a hugh thing and no-one can dictate how long it'll take for you to feel strong enough to be with all your work colleagues. Take it easy this week and get yourself to the doctors again on Friday, if there's any doubt.

We're always here.

NinthWave Mon 14-Sep-09 19:58:02


pruneplus2 Mon 14-Sep-09 23:54:42

Oh NinthWave, what a horrible experience.

My 2nd miscarriage this year (I m/c in March and again in July - both at 10 weeks) was very traumatic, physically and emotionally.

I actually took 5 weeks off work and even then I think I went back a little too early - everyone is different and copes in different ways though so make sure YOU do what is best for YOU with regards to returning to work.

With regards to councelling, does your employer offer a councelling service? Mine does and even though I have declined it so far, I am still able to access the service whenever I feel I may require it. It might be worth you checking. Councelling through the NHS via GP's can sometimes take a long time to materialise

I know it sounds cliched but it DOES get easier with time.

Take care xxx

hochy1948 Tue 15-Sep-09 13:00:42

Thinking of you and sending lots of positive energy.

Last week I had a second miscarriage very early at 6 weeks however 3 months ago I went through a pretty awful experience too. I was 15 weeks pregnant and lost my amniotic fluid with lots of bleeding, baby okay however as it had little chance of survival had to undergo a 'controlled' miscarriage which was horrendous to say the least and involved a lot of internal intruding.

I went back to work after two weeks that time however I was a bit of a mess and it was a very hard time for me. 3 months on I am feeling lots better. The trauma of the experience never goes away though life goes on and it does become easier. Some good advice here, look after yourself and try not to be alone too much, I did feel the full impact later and you are probably still in shock. Try and be around people even if you don't feel like it and when you feel strong enough go for some walks.

I realised that I was terrified in my second pregnancy about history repeating itself and I am not sure that helped at all. Have taken up yoga and you might laugh but meditation to try and teach myself to think positively. Much needed after 2 miscarriages. My work are affiliated with the EAR, and they will help put you in touch with counsellors to vent to. Otherwise the NHS to have counsellors and you just have to find the number and call them up and nag them for an appointment.

Sorry for rambling, lots of good wishes and it doesn't seem like it but someday soon this will seem like a distant memory. Hope you feel better soon.

NinthWave Tue 15-Sep-09 15:37:48

Prune, my employer does offer a counselling service - I hadn't thought of that. Thankyou, I'll get onto them as soon as I'm back in work.

Thanks hochy for the good wishes and advice - I am so sorry you had to go through that.

I think I am still in denial a bit; I keep remembering I'm not pregnant any more and it's like a big 'jolt' every time. I have never been so grateful to have my DS; I am not sure I could cope if I didn't have him to focus on/distract me.

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