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due date approaching with no baby

(9 Posts)
Buckler Sat 05-Sep-09 17:12:11

I never realised quite how much this would hurt! Thought i'd done all of my crying but i just feel so sad and angry. I've had two miscarriages now and with no children the loss is so overwhelming. I would have been due on Tuesday and can't stop thinking about it, can't help feeling so angry that my baby didn't make it as well as wondering why it didn't. I'm working with a woman who is heavily pregnant and unhapy, she is always moaning about the pregnancy and how depressed she feels she doesn't even think she really wants it which understandibly makes me madder. She knows about my to miscarriages and says things like oh shouldn't say this to you i don't think she means to upset me just think she is down but i hate being around her. I have a best friend who is thirteen weeks with everything going well i'm happy for her but angry and jealous too how come she's so lucky? Then i feel ashamed for feeling that way.I speak to her on the phone but can't face seeing her at the moment she's being feeling really sick so hasn't noticed luckily.
My mum says i should have counselling but i don't want to do that i'm hoping i'll feel better once this next week is over. My husband is incredibly supportive and i can talk to him which is good he has noticed how low i've been this last week and keeps saying talk to me but i just can't! I was only 9 wks when i lost this baby so how can i feel so sad? I feel cheated the idea that i had this wonderful gift inside of me then it was taking away so cruelly.
I would love to hear back from anyone who has gone through this noone understands unless it has happened to them my friends and family pretty much think i shouldn't talk about it anymore well that's the impression i get anyway. I just feel so so sad.

barbiebigpants Sat 05-Sep-09 17:18:54

buckler im sorry for your losses...i had a mmc last year and would of been due the april just gone. I cried so much last sept that i thought i could cry no more, it would of been my first child. After the tears came anger, they why us? i was angry at other pregnant ladies and so so jealous. When my best friend announced she was pregnant i went to pieces, i threw things blush screamed and cried some more. She is due any day now...
The days leading up to the edd i found to be so much worse, the what if"s....on my edd i spent some time alone and remembered. Some on the girls on a thread we started after mc did things to remember, ie balloons, lanterns etc etc. I had a small tattoo on my wrist so i could remember, and i do....every single day.
If you want ill like to to the thread i post on regularly. Full of ladies who all had a mc and inderstand the grief.

Please dont feel you are alone.

barbiebigpants Sat 05-Sep-09 17:20:26

link to the thread...whoops

Buckler Sat 05-Sep-09 17:26:04

That would be great thankyou. It's so rubbish isn't it? I think i just have to go with these feelings and hopefully i'll feel better again soon. Feel self indulgent for being so sad though! I would love to look at that site you mentioned. Thanks for your kind words.

barbiebigpants Sat 05-Sep-09 17:42:47

its here

Dont be put off by the fact its in the conception threads...
we have been together for the past year but have people joining all the time.

I will warn you so girls are pregnant, myself included (hence the big pants name!) one has just had a baby, a few are early stage pregnancy and some are trying for a baby. A new lady joined last week after having a mc....its a funny, supportive thread though. And we all have mc in common so we know how you feel. I think you will like it there smile

barbiebigpants Sat 05-Sep-09 17:50:37

Im off to bed (not lazy, i live abroad!) i wish you all the best, please feel free to join the thread or even just lurk, it will make you see what you are feeling is normal x

hester Sat 05-Sep-09 18:22:52

Buckler, I'm so sorry, it's really awful isn't it. Miscarriage at any stage, including in the early weeks, is devastating and I hope I never have to experience anything like it again.

Thinking of you. Take up the support on offer here; it kept me going through some very dark days.

Mouette Sun 06-Sep-09 20:04:09

Dear Buckler
I ma so sorry for your loss. I lost my first baby last year at 17 weeks and was absolutely devastated. Of course you should talk about it (I did) but I think only people who have been through it understand. I had counselling and found it very helpful, but I also found the Miscarriage Association very helpful - they put me in touch with volunteers who had suffered the same thing. Here's their website:
http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
All the best xx

Buckler Sun 06-Sep-09 20:15:40

thanks to everyone who has replied feel better today. My husband and i are going to release a balloon each on due date and then do something nice together. I guess it's just that four spaces forward two back phase at the moment but i know i'll get there. It is so comforting coming on here and sharing stories with people makes you realise that you're not alone.

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