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Anyone ever do anything to remember/memorialise pregnancy loss?

(40 Posts)
mathanxiety Mon 17-Aug-09 07:12:04

Did anyone ever do something like plant a tree, write a poem, etc., to commemorate the loss of the baby after miscarriage? Was it useful in recovering emotionally. I wrote a poem, never really shared it with anyone, but it helped process my feelings.

Mouette Mon 17-Aug-09 10:38:32

Hi mathanxiety,
I made a "memory box" for my first baby, after I lost him at 17 weeks, with the scans, cards that people sent, dried flowers from the bouquets they sent as well, also a little babygro Mum had bought for him. I also named him and for the anniversary of the mc I am planning to light a candle for him in our local church. Yes, it definitely did help me - he did exist and I did love him, even if it was for such a short time. I am sorry for your loss and hope things will get better. xx

CMOTdibbler Mon 17-Aug-09 10:41:15

I have a necklace with a little silver heart with baby footprints on, and the birthstones of all my lost babies. I like to wear it occasionally to remember them as no one else does

Mouette Mon 17-Aug-09 10:46:07

I know, CMOT - it used to upset me the way people just forget about the mc and expect you to do the same. Now I don't mind so much but that's why I will go to church and light a candle, and tell people about it, so they realise it was a real bereavement for me and a real baby. I think people at the church will understand though, better than non-churchies. I think the issue sometimes is that a lot of people just don't want to think about death, or anything sad really, they just want everything to be shiny and happy, and life is not like that. All the best xx

SpringBlossom Mon 17-Aug-09 11:19:31

I am already thinking about what to do on 28th Oct on the first anniversary of the loss of our baby at nineteen weeks. I miscarried on holiday so to go to his grave means a 200 mile round trip; we did this on Mother's Day this year but it was very upsetting and exhausting. I am wondering whether to try and think of a positive thing to do every 28th Oct - start a happy tradition in memory of our baby, even if it's just going up to the heath with my husband and walking in the wind and rain and feeling alive as we remember what happened. He's always with me, my tiny baby boy. I'm not a churchie but I understand. Nb we haven't got round to our memory box yet; we have all of our baby's scans, pictures of him when he was born, my pregnancy books etc and the cards we got when we lost him. I can't look at any of it but one day I hope to make a box and keep it all in.

Love and best wishes to anyone in this heartbreaking situation. xxxx

Mouette Mon 17-Aug-09 14:59:32

I'm very sorry for your loss Blossom. It is very hard to lose a baby so late in the pregnancy. I think only those who have been through it really understand! I hope that commemorating your precious baby's life will bring you some comfort.xx

hoops997 Mon 17-Aug-09 18:45:19

I had a little service for my lost little one, I had a MMC at 8 weeks......was able to collect a memory pebble at the service and kept that in my pocket at all times, now pg again, was able to place pebble where the ashes were scattered, the pebble meant the world to me....

Thandeka Mon 17-Aug-09 18:47:39

I made a donation to the millionmums campaign of a pound for every day I was pregnant.

(MMC at 10 weeks).

TheDMshouldbeRivened Mon 17-Aug-09 18:52:21

I went and lit a candle and wrote a poen with the first loss but not the other two. I think the first was different because he or she would have been my first. I lost the other two between numbers 2 and 3 and 3 and 4.

JessiLynn Tue 18-Aug-09 04:26:13

I lit a candle and watched children's movies on my due date, and on the anniversary of the mc wrote my DS a letter that I tossed into the sea with sympathy flowers I dried. I also have a ring with my baby's birthstone, and the baby book I started for him.

neolara Thu 20-Aug-09 14:47:39

After my second mc, I was looking at the Oxfam gift brochure. Alongside "buy a goat" / "build a loo" etc, was "train a midwife in the developing world". So I did that. It made me feel better that others could benefit from my loss, and it seemed fitting that it should be mothers and babies that should be the main beneficiaries.

ClaireDeLoon Thu 20-Aug-09 14:51:56

I have a forget-me-not charm on my bracelet.

barbie1 Thu 20-Aug-09 14:54:49

i have a star tattoo on my wrist, see profile...its a sign used by sailors to guide them through tough waters and brings them back safely. likened it to the dark time i was going through at the time.

Den26 Thu 20-Aug-09 16:13:16

I bought a rose for the garden. Never got to know the sex of the baby so chose white flowers.

mathanxiety Fri 21-Aug-09 06:28:58

I think it was the way people seemed to want me to forget about the whole thing and 'encourage' me with their best wishes for next time that made me say Hey, wait a minute, and take the time to mark the life that was so loved and hoped for. I know they meant well, and I understand that not everyone can really find the right words to say when someone is grieving, and that's life -- I'm sure I've put my foot in it with others too. I'm amazed at the care and thought that everyone puts into their loving expressions and send love and best wishes to all out there who have gone through this. I never knew if I would have had boys or girls (4 mcs, 3 early), so to a certain extent I didn't know them, but I loved them all the same and I felt they could feel that as I wrote.

VJaybigpants Fri 21-Aug-09 13:22:26

I got a ring that I wear on my little finger on my right hand. It's just a plain gold band, just simple.

mrsgboring Fri 21-Aug-09 13:29:09

I have a locket with a picture of my stillborn DD in it. On her birthday every year we buy presents for our living children. Sometimes visit grave, sometimes put flowers next to her picture, but it's treating my children that really helps.

We always go out for a meal as a family and sometimes have a special cake.

The first anniversary I didn't have any other children so I bought clothes for all the dolls in our church's toy corner. I now sit there and occasionally play dolls with my DSes, or watch other children play.

frasersmummy Fri 21-Aug-09 13:35:25

I havent had a mc but my first little boy was stillborn at 39 weeks so I know the pain of losing your longed for and much loved child

As our loss was so late we had a proper funeral so in some ways I got closure in a way some of you probably never did . We also planted a weeping apple blossom in the front garden with a plaque on it. I love to watch it rebloom every spring

Every year on his b/day we release balloons (one for every year of the age he would now be)

Every so often I write my ds a letter and leave it in his garden (I hate the word grave)I know its daft.. he cant read it but it makes me feel better

People can say the oddest things . I honestly think 99% of them do mean well its just when you have been through this you know what not to say

You do whatever it takes to get you through each day

ilovesprouts Fri 21-Aug-09 13:40:00

i have not been in your shoes ladys ,but dd had 2 mcs and reading this ,make me think its a good way to remember your dcs

Habbibu Fri 21-Aug-09 15:37:42

We bought a Japanese maple for dd1. Every year on her birthday we go and just do something nice - this year we just took dd2 to a nice beach and had fun, but we make sure we have a lovely family day to remember the all too brief joy we had with her. Keep meaning to get some jewellery like CMOT's. The hospital made us a lovely memory box with photos and footprints and a poem, and we have cards and other stuff in there.

duvetheaven Fri 21-Aug-09 15:38:20

Finding this a helpful thread as have had two mc. Like the idea of the birthstone.

Trizelda Sat 22-Aug-09 23:50:29

I miscarried at 9 weeks 13 years ago and have gone on to have a family.

My friend recently had a stillborn baby and although our experiences were very different it brought up lots of buried feelings and memories.

I wished I had something as a reminder of the baby that we lost...we didn't get as far as having a scan so had no pictures.

I found a website called www.labelledame.com and bought a small forget me not pendant with a birth stone in it. It is very simple and very pretty. I may never wear it or show it to anybody but I am pleased to have it.

popsy1 Sun 23-Aug-09 18:11:33

I lost our baby boy at 19wks and really struggled with what to do! I posted a thread on here saying i was dreading my due date and Some very kind ladies made some excellent suggestions. So my husband, our son and i went to the seaside and found a beautiful quite place on the beach and released a balloon for our baby. We all found it very helpful. Our son, who is 13 especially found it helpful in the 'moving on' process as he didn't think we should have fun on our babies due date.We talked about creating happy memories and being together as a family.
We also have a memory box and i find it helpful (if thats the right word) to visit his grave.
Take care x

tinkerbellesmuse Mon 24-Aug-09 00:21:12

I lost DS at 22 weeks on 5 August.

Today I bought a small star charm which I am having engraved with my Ds's name and dob.

I am looking for a memory box to put his scan photos, birth photos and first blanket in.

I miss him.

SOLOisMeredithGrey Mon 24-Aug-09 00:25:54

I have a memory box for my first MC, also planted a Bleeding Heart(which died after about 5/6 years at about the same time that my heart stopped bleeding for him).
I don't have anything for my second MC, but I coped in a different way with that one as I had Ds...

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