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Am I selfish to want to avoid baby showers / first birthday parties etc right now?

(8 Posts)
helpet Fri 24-Jul-09 12:23:45

Hello - I miscarried last week and am pretending that I am absolutely fine (people don't seem to think that losing a pip at 5 and a half weeks is a big deal - although none of those people have actually ever had a MC) BUT I really can't face groups of mummies right now (even though I have a DS). Is this bang out of order or normal? Feeling v. confused and fed up and now guilty too. Hurray.

thefatladyscreams Fri 24-Jul-09 14:15:14


No wonder you are feeling so hurt. Be patient with yourself - it takes time to grieve and deal with what has happened. So no, I don't think you are selfish at all to avoid such events - more like sensible (surely you deserve a little bit of self preservation at the moment?).

I keep finding the tears coming back but I do feel it's better to get them out. And pregnant woman and babies keep popping up everywhere - I even got a marketing email from a holiday company proudly announcing the owner's new baby the other day. It felt like a conspiracy! hmm

Take care and keep posting. I'm finding it a little better each day but it's not the sort of thing you can just "get over" IMO.

cocolepew Fri 24-Jul-09 14:16:18

It's normal.

Take care.

Baconsarnie Fri 24-Jul-09 14:23:19

Your feelings are totally normal. You need to look after yourself at the moment and avoid doing stuff you find upsetting. It'll get better. Take care.

Wanderingsheep Fri 24-Jul-09 14:23:51

Totally normal! Take your time to grieve and do what you want to do. You are not being selfish at all and anyone who might think you are has absolutely no idea of the pain of a mc. Even though you have a ds, I can imagine that being harder as you are probably more aware of what you have lost, if that makes sense.

Take care of yourself. YANBU

JamieJay Fri 24-Jul-09 14:25:29

You are not being selfish. I had a mc at 6 weeks and it does take time to heal, a mc at a later stage is undoubtly harder but that doesn't mean an early one is easier.

A week after I miscarried we heard that the girlfriend of one of DHs close friends had fallen pregnant accidently (they've been a couple for less time then we've been trying) and I still haven't been able to face her 7 weeks later.

It does get easier, I'll be seeing the pregnant girlfriend in the next week or so and think I'll be okay, but you are perfectly normal to want some time away from babies and bumps.

Look after yourself

skidoodle Fri 24-Jul-09 14:27:55

It's normal. And even if it weren't, it's how you feel and you're getting over a sad loss, so you should go with it until you feel better.

Why do you think people don't think it's a big deal? Have they said that or is it just how they are acting. It could be that they are taking their cue from you and as you are acting normal they are assuming you want them to respond in kind.

helpet Fri 24-Jul-09 14:59:05

Phew - glad I'm not being selfish and weird. Thanks everyone. I know later MCs must be very very much worse - suppose I have been surprised at how much this little non-starter has affected me. skidoodle - you're spot on people are taking their cues from me as I don't feel I have the right to be sad (in public) as SO much worse things happen.

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