I have 3 Dc and the pg was unplanned and unwanted.
Dp and I talked about termination as neither of us wanted it.
When it came down to it though, we looked at our DC and realised that we had to give this one a chance.
We started to let it be part of our lives and told our eldest DC(12).
Then I lost the baby.
I have had nothing but support from my famil and friends.
I had a scan in hospital and the only thing left inside me was the baby. I came home and had to just wait for the baby to come out
This happened just before dawn and then DP and I went for a walk up the mountain and sat looking down the valley and talked and talked about what we thought this baby of ours would've been like.
I decided that I had to make something positive out of this and made the (overdue) changes to my life. i have got a part time job now and have gone back to college. I'm not religious but part of me wanted to be able to say to my baby when I meet it again that it's very short life wasn't wasted and it gave me the courage to change.
But I'm finding it so hard to stay positive. I dream that I am pregnant every night and hate waking up to my flat stomach every morning
I am not looking for any advice just needed to say this to someone
Your post made me cry, BuckBuck. I know how painful it is to lose a child through miscarriage. It sounds as though you have found very profound meaning in the experience, but you still have a lot of grief left to resolve.
You say everyone has been supportive - but is it the right kind of support? Do you have someone you can say the unsayable to? If you want to talk - this is a good place.
My lo would have been due this month - it's so hard sometimes.
I think we all want to make something change - I'm moving jobs, something I should have done sooner. I hadn't thought of it that the little bean's energy has helped us to move on, but you are both so right. Thank you, that has helped me too tonight....
Sophable, you have made me cry now (in a good way, tho!)
Hester, you're right about the unsayable, I have got real problems with the fact that the MW who did the scan told me it was only the baby inside me, so when I got home I knew that the last loss was my baby and I just felt so helpless, and heartless
Gigglewitch, you sound like you are making positive changes too, I find it helps me think of it all as not being so utterly pointless
Sophable, I agree with you entirely. One of the nurses was lovely, she held me when I really wanted my mum. But the MW seemed so indifferent to it all, (which I know we are all guilty of when it comes to our jobs) but i sat through the scan with tears streaming down my face and I just thought she could be more sensitive
I could feel the hysteria building, I have tried to talk to DP about my dreams this evening and I know that he feels at a loss as to what to say to me, he just desparately wants me to be 'OK' so I got a sympathetic look but I could sense he didn't want to go over it again
I think the journos should have a look at the MC threads to get a real idea of why MN is such a wonderful place