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Baby loss at 30 weeks - what on earth do I say?

(7 Posts)
fruitstick Thu 02-Jul-09 06:38:46

A friend has lost her first baby at 30 weeks. What do I say, what do I do?

ilovesprouts Thu 02-Jul-09 07:06:08

oh thats just so so sad ,just be there for her etc ,i dont know what else to say ,talk about her dc etc ,a friend of mine lost her dc and a lot of people avoided her ,and she only wanted a shoulder to cry on so sorry for your friend sad

ohmeohmy Thu 02-Jul-09 07:19:53

So sorry for her loss. I guess acknowledging the baby and the bond they already had is important. Let her know you care and provide a space for her to express herself in anyway she feels she needs to. Be a good listener without trying to make it all better as it is not possible to fix the situation. Practical stuff like giving her meals also helpful I suppose.

fruitstick Thu 02-Jul-09 09:15:08

Thanks. I know you're right.

I recently had DS2 and so don't want to avoid her obviously but also don't want to appear insensitive.

I live quite far away so no real chance to pop round but I will write to her maybe.

rachxx Fri 03-Jul-09 00:30:55

Its not so much about what you say, but its how you listen. She will want to talk about it-4 a long long while 2 come, and won't want people forgetting about it, or avoiding the subject. X x

Mouette Fri 03-Jul-09 10:08:08

I lost my first baby at 17 weeks and a lot of people didn't get in touch, didn't ackowledge the loss, or just wanted me to "cheer up and forget about it". Just saying "I'm so sorry - would you like to talk about it? I'm thinking of you" will be enough. She might want to talk, she might not, but she'll know you care. It is very good of you to be so sensitive. She may want to avoid new parents and babies for a while -don't take it personally if that's the case. My sister in law had a baby 2 weeks after my miscarriage and got really worked up because my husband and I didn't go to see her and the baby often enough (we did go, but couldn't face going round as often as she'd have liked to coo over her daughter). Not helpful - but clearly you won't be like that.

shopperholic Wed 08-Jul-09 19:21:37

just be there 4 her.Been there myself several times,it will get easier.

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