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I cant leave mumsnet. i cant cope on my own

(16 Posts)
starshaker Fri 26-Jun-09 22:56:47

Im sitting here in tears. I have nobody i can call for support and i cant deal with this. Im scared by what is going on in my head but i know alana needs me and i have to try and be strong but its too hard

cornsilk Fri 26-Jun-09 23:02:50

What's happened?

starshaker Fri 26-Jun-09 23:03:57

other thread

giraffescantdancethetango Fri 26-Jun-09 23:07:43

Not sure who Alana is?

Sorry to hear of your losses. Been here myself, have you been offered any counselling?

CMOTdibbler Fri 26-Jun-09 23:08:26

It's bloody awful when you have so many miscarriages - I know, I've been there.

And the raw grief when you have to go through another one doesn't diminish each time, I think it grows.

Have you thought about calling the supporter line of the miscarriage association ? I found talking to real women who had been through the same (no one I knew had had more than 1 miscarriage) really helpful as they didn't spout any crap.

You didn't do anything to deserve this, its just shite luck.

Keep talking here though

giraffescantdancethetango Fri 26-Jun-09 23:08:41

Oh sorry just seen your profile, I see she is your dd.

cornsilk Fri 26-Jun-09 23:08:59

I'm so sorry. sad

FfreckleFface Fri 26-Jun-09 23:09:33

starshaker, I have just read your other thread.

You are not being punished. I know that nothing that I say can help, but I couldn't leave this thread without telling you how sorry I am you are going through this.

Do you have anyone with you?

starshaker Fri 26-Jun-09 23:14:52

no i have been alone since it happened. My mum came to the hospital last night but i passed out and dd got upset so they left. My fuckwit of a step dad asked if had been worth it (basically said it served me right) I just want it all to go away. When i was in pain and bleeding yesterday i knew the baby was still there but now its nothing just empty.

starshaker Fri 26-Jun-09 23:17:43

Im so tired but if i go to bed ill just lie and think. Im scared ill do something stupid if i keep thinking my head hurts and since putting dd to bed i cant stop crying.

CMOTdibbler Fri 26-Jun-09 23:20:57

Oh honey, can't you call your mum ? You really need someone with you

starshaker Fri 26-Jun-09 23:22:49

shes away on holiday

juuule Fri 26-Jun-09 23:24:22

Starshaker, none of this is your fault. You are not being punished for anything. You have a beautiful daughter who loves you. You are not being punished. You have just been very unlucky. I know it hurts ( I've had 8 m/c myself). Please be kind to yourself. Time will help but you can't hurry it.

Maybe contact The Miscarriage Association. They might be able to help.

starshaker Sat 27-Jun-09 16:39:26

today ive had to keep leaving the room so dd doesnt see that im upset. really need to try and get control for her sake

kissmummy Sat 27-Jun-09 21:22:27

starshaker, i'm at work so haven't had time to read through all your threads/profile etc, but i promise it won't feel quite this bad forever....i've had three miscarriages and felt dreadful for weeks after the second two, BUT time has dulled the pain.
my last m/c was in February and we are going to be trying again soon. i have no idea how i'll cope with a fourth miscarriage, but i do know that it's impossible to feel the depths of misery you feel in the weeks after it first happens forever and ever. the pain does ease. i know how hard it is to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you're in the position you are in now. hang in there.

starshaker Sat 27-Jun-09 22:30:42

tried to sleep but cant. I never felt this bad with the others. dont know if it was cos i saw the babys heartbeat and i have a scan picture as a constant reminder. Its also the first time ive had to go to the hospital with complications. makes it more real.

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