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Another relative announces a pg-can't keep this false grin up for much longer!

(8 Posts)
beanie35 Tue 09-Jun-09 18:25:24

Im so sorry if I sound unkind, please believe I wouldn't wish an mc on my worst enemy-but, this is the 2nd close relative that has announced a pg. They know that I have had 2 mcs and that it has all but destroyed my dp and I, of course I understand that they are happy, they have every reason to be, but they turned up today with the 12 week scan pics and spoke for nearly 2 hours about it. I held it together and was very interested and happy looking, but now I feel like there is a knife twisting in my guts. Dp has seen me with a red, wet face and gone to buy me some chocs (I think).
Im sorry but I just had to off load, and you lot are the only ones I know that will understand.

My last mc was a year ago, I should be better at coping with announcements by now, but it is still a struggle.

Thanks for listening.

stuckLM Tue 09-Jun-09 22:33:40

Beanie35 i hope you dont mind me dropping in on this one but i really know exactly how you feel. i feel exactly the same way. My partner and i have been ttc for two years now and i had an ectopic in April and lost the baby and the tube. ppl dont seem to understand that it was a baby they refer to my baby as cells ok i was only 6 weeks but it was still my baby. There are about eight ppl where i work at the moment pregnant two are expecting twins. i am so happy for them all but like you its hard t keep smiling and to stay sane when all they talk about is preganancy scans etc. A m/c or any type of pregnancy loss is a horrible experience they say time is a healer but only time will tell.

beanie35 Wed 10-Jun-09 09:39:11

Thanx stuck. Im so sorry for your loss made even harder by the fact that it took so long to happen. I also hate the assumption that because a pg was only in the early stages it is no big deal-usually this info is supplied by people who have never had an mc or loss.
I feel for you having to face pg at work, you have no escape. I am planning on a little distancing from my pg relatives for a few weeks now, I have played the role of pleased relative for them but I think I need to stop hearing about scans, prams and new names for a bit, otherwise I may go insane sad.
All the best to you.

stuckLM Wed 10-Jun-09 14:26:43

im with you on that one i love it when i get a day off and im away from it all. i hope everything works out for you i really do as i understand completly how it feels losing someone a baby no matter how early it is. if you have another m/c i would insist that they run some tests to find out why it keeps happening; because it may be something they can treat.hmm i know i have to have another operation at the end of the summer to see whether mt only tube left is blocked. its weird cuz i dreading this surgery but at the same time looking forward to it; as we will get some answers and will be better able to see what our next step is.
Baby dust to you and the best of luck

FabulousBakerGirl Wed 10-Jun-09 14:29:12

Oh love. sad

My m/c was more than 4 years ago and I still feel the hurt when I read or hear anything about twins. I lost one baby and then a couple of months later one of my twins.

I don't know what to say tbh but 2 hours talking about a scan seems very ott and insensitive in the circumstances.

bethoo Wed 10-Jun-09 14:33:21

beanie35 i understand how hurt you must feel and probably thinking how insensitive they have been by coming to you for 2 hours about their pregnancy. they may have felt awkward and in two minds as to whether to tell you or not. if they had not they may have felt that you would feel left out. it is a no win situation i ma afraid.
on a more positive note i had 2 mc and went on the have a baby so do not feel as if this is the end of the road for you. it was just bad luck. keep positive. i know from experience as once i mc the second time i became obsessed with having a baby and was depressed. i felt as though no one was taking into consideration how i felt. too many friends kept banging on about what was not meant to be was not meant to be in a casual manner! of course non of them had mc!

beanie35 Wed 10-Jun-09 18:53:21

Thank you for all your responses. A relative connected with the relatives who are pg rang me today and asked me how I'd felt about them visiting me. In the past I would have just said it was fine and I was ok, but today I grew a back bone and simply said that while I was happy for them it was very painful to be reminded of scans, etc. Think she was a bit put out by my honesty, but to be honest I don't think me pretending I can cope with hearing every detail about someone's pg has done me any favours in the past.
I get your point bethoo about a no win situation, but sadly the relatives who are pg are not the sharpest tools in the box, so I don't think they even thought about me and my mc past sadwhen they came to tell the news.
Love and baby dust to you all.

giraffesCantRunA10k Wed 10-Jun-09 18:56:57

Totally understand how you feel. Other peoples pregnancies are a very difficult time. Take as much time as you need for you - if they are true friends/family then they should understand.

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