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Been invited to best friends scan

(5 Posts)
giraffesCantRunA10k Sat 06-Jun-09 22:51:05

My best friend is 28 weeks pregnant with her first, and its a girl. The baby I lost was a girl.

But my best friend has asked me to come with her to her next scan, I want to be there for her and I am so honoured to be asked so have said yes. However I am worried about how I will feel. She is having extra scans due to a condition she has. I have been to visit her a number of times when she has been in hospital with this pregnancy and on one occasion in particular I really struggled afterwards.

Am really worried about getting upset and ruining the experience for her.

Northernlurker Sat 06-Jun-09 23:02:23

It's good to be there for your friend but I think this is a step too far for you. The loss of your daughter is something you have to live with day to day and it must be very,very hard to see so many things which are part of ordinary life which will remind you of your loss. Why put yourself through something which is surely even harder than what you are already managing? Just to tell her you're sorry but no. Is there another friend or relative she could ask?

Being friends, caring for your friend doesn't include having your heart ripped out and trodden on whilst you try to act like you're fine. Be kind to you

Northernlurker Sun 07-Jun-09 18:56:20

Bump for more views for you.

slightlycrumpled Sun 07-Jun-09 19:13:30

I would agree with northernlurker, and I'm sure your friend would understand. Why put yourself through it? It will be incredibly painful in a happy/sad kind of a way. Not going doesn't make you a bad friend, just a friend who is grieving.

Sorry to hear about your baby girl.

YanknCock Sun 07-Jun-09 19:30:06

Very much agree with northernlurker. If your losses were 10-20+ years in the past and you'd 'completed' your family, then I could see you possibly being able to handle this situation. But I think it's too soon with what you've been through, and am not surprised you struggled after visiting your friend in hospital. I see from your profile you've had three losses, I'm so sorry. I've only had one, and I really couldn't see myself being able to attend someone else's ultrasound, not for a long time, or until I have a child (and even then I think it could potentially be upsetting).

Your friend should understand. Just say you are honoured she asked, but it would be too difficult for you right now. Does she have someone else who can go with her (partner?).

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